Teen Mom 2 Season 3 Premiere Recap: Everything Changes ... and Yet Not at All

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Teen Mom 2 Season 3 kicked off on MTV Monday, picking up right where last season left off ... well, mostly. The more things change, though, the more they stay the same.

Read on THG's +/- rundown of the craziness, emotion and baby mama drama!

Teen Mom 2 Season 3 Cast

Jenelle Evans ... wow. Where do we even start with this girl. Minus 100.

Just kidding. Although we will deduct the points for her huge fake breasts.

Anyway, when we pick up the action, Jenelle's ready to turn her life around. Stop us if you've heard that before. Actually don't, we know you have. Minus 25.

"They wanna make sure you don't take somebody else's urine outta youhr pocket and puht it in da cup." - Jenelle's mom Bahhbrahh explaining drug testing. Plus 50.

Jenelle Evans is also taking classes and has an interview to work at a daycare center. On the list of people you'd want to watch your kid at daycare? Minus 40.

She tells the daycare woman that she never yells. LMFAO Jenelle. Plus 10.

Give her credit for at least attempting to give Jace a bath at home, although even that is accompanied by a strong amount of yelling and cursing. Minus 15.

Almost out of nowhere, Jenelle and Bahhbrahh get into an EPIC fight for reasons hard to pinpoint. Yep, that's Jenelle Evans to a T right there people. Plus 10.

After the fight, Jenelle went out and "got messed up pretty bad," which, in Jenelle's case, could mean smoking weed or beating the ever-loving crap out of another human being.

You never know, right Britany Truett? Plus 20.

She later admits she "took three hits" because her friend had it right in front of her and she wanted to. Hey, it would just be rude to say no right there, wouldn't it? Plus 20.

She's on probation and has a drug test next week. Minus 100.

Chelsea Houska ... has not done much since we last saw her.

Those shifts at the tanning salon are really rough, no? Minus 20.

Her goal is to get her GED so she can go to beauty school or be a receptionist at a salon ... hey, at least she has some sort of goal. Jenelle, on the other hand ...

Chels claims she's taking "baby steps" with Adam. Sigh. Minus 20.

She really sees a future with this guy, which is sad, because everyone in South Dakota seems to see the situation for what it is except for Ms. Houska.

She's still "open" to Adam, she says. The more things change ...

Adam does have a smart suggestion when Aubree throws a tantrum at the restaurant - order takeout and eat at home where she's happier! Dad of the Year! Plus 15.

Aaaaaand then she asks, "What are we now? What do you think? We're not doing anything with anyone else?" "Mmmmmmhmm", Adam replies. Minus 45.

Kailyn Lowry recently got married to Javi Marroquin. Woo hoo!

Back to before you knew that, Kailyn is pissed when Isaac gets a bad 45-day evaluation at daycare. Apparently he "doesn't talk much, and he's not a social baby."

Dudes, he's like 2. Chillax. Minus 10.

Either way, Kailyn's upset - about this and Jo Rivera's reported new girlfriend. She's the star of his just-released rap video, which they watch. Plus 100.

Understandably, Kailyn Lowry is not a fan of strange women around her son. "She's sleeping in the same bed that I laid in when I was pregnant," Kailyn says. Yeah. Minus 30.

At least she asks Jo about it. "She knows we have a kid together and that occasionally we hang out," he replies ... fair enough, except they also BONE. Yeah. Minus 60.

Wonder how "V" feels about Jo tapping his baby mama on the side.

Anyway, Kailyn then drops the bomb: "I don't want this girl around my son. There's no reason for her to be playing mom." Ohhhh snap. Then she cries a lot. Plus 40.

It's a work in progress, this joint custody/doing your baby daddy thing.

Leah Messer is actually Leah Calvert now. And pregnant again.

Of course, we're still getting to that when the action picks up on MTV, so Jeremy Calvert's not as big a factor as her former husband, Corey Simms.

The functional mute whose efforts to be a decent dad don't go unnoticed, but whose breaking of Leah's heart is still so raw as we pick up this difficult chapter.

Leah Messer had to quit her job to focus on her twins, and Corey's apparently getting more involved with the kids. It's sad to watch, but the kids' health is worse.

A visit from the physical therapist is hard to take. While her twin sister Alleeah gets around on her own, little Ali still can't stand up. Poor little thing.

Good news: Ali's developing at her own rate and will likely walk one day. Bad news: Nothing they can really do will speed that process up at all.

Also bad news: Corey legitimately requires subtitles. Subtitles. Minus 20.

Leah Messer's weight loss is proof positive that she's taking the split from Corey Simms hard, as if the pained expression on her face weren't doubly obvious. Plus 50.

EPISODE TOTAL: -170!

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Chelsea is the worst on the show. Her segments are just whining and whining and nothing else. No wonder Adam left her. I can't believe I actually enjoy boring Kail over whiny Chelsea.

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Ammm who cares if Leahs upset about the break up shes the one who cheated! I know he isnt the greatest guy but seriously why did she marry him? And now shes married again shes an idiot!

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They get loaded, they sleep around, but object to their exes bringing new hookups around the kids cause that would like damage the little darlings for life and they're parents for like forever 😜