Jersey Shore Recap: Deena Cortese is a Meatball Day Moron

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We love us some Deena Nicole Cortese, but wow. Just wow.

As the final season of Jersey Shore plays out on MTV, we got to relive one of the past summer's most notable highlights from Seaside - her drunken daytime arrest.

Did the episode do justice to our heightened expectations?

Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style, and find out!

  • Meatball Day
  • Deena Cortese Arrested

First things first, and we pick up after last week's brawl at Bamboo, where Jenni was tossed to the ground by her crazy boyfriend (now fiance) Roger Mathews.

JWoww, who was trying to break up the right, tries to smooth things over by saying she's sure he didn't know it was her. His response? "I recognized you the entire time."

Gotta love a man who's honest at least! Plus 10.

A little less funny? JWoww has a FRACTURE in her foot and needed to see a bone specialist to decide whether or not she'd need a cast or boot. Idiots fighting. Minus 90.

On the plus side? Sympathy drinks! Plus 15.

Fun fact: Snooki is 4'8" ... 4'8"! Plus 48.

The guys felt that JWoww was milking her injury and being a lil' overdramatic, but she had a note to prove it, and could kick their asses anyway, so Plus 12.

They insist that a man's fight is a man's fight. Okay dudes. Minus 10.

  • HEATED
  • Snooki and JWoww at the Doctor

Snooki sighting at Karma! Pregnancy schmegnancy! Plus 10.

Uncle Nino sighting at Karma! Even less expected! Plus 20.

"The uncle that, like, you don't wanna leave your kids around." - Vin. Plus 5.

Snooki confesses that she'd really, really like a drink and that she would consider idea of dancing on tables again at some point in the near future. By all means.

Mike started getting annoyed by drunk people at the club. Amazing how that happens when you are no longer one of the annoying drunk people at the club.

"It's, you know, very hard to deal with drunk people when I'm extremely sober. People annoy me after, like, a second." - Mike. Plus 20.

Fortunately, his "ride or die chick" Paula came by at 5 a.m. to "calm him down." Ah, the wonders of hand and oral relief. Wife her up, Sitch. Wife her up. Plus 50.

On to the best part. The next day, Deena continued to hold "meatball auditions" but no one was able to hang. She's just in a drunken league of her own. Minus 25.

Soon enough? She's BAWLING because she misses Snook. Minus 25.

Danny can't calm her down. Sam and Ron find her out on the town, speaking "Baby Lorenzo language." This is going to end badly, it's quite obvious. Minus 25.

And dancing with total strangers at a bar and falling over. Minus 25.

  • Deena Nicole Cortese Mug Shot
  • Deena Nicole Cortese, Parents

Probably for the good of the community and the meatball herself, the police arrested Deena Nicole Cortese for dancing in the streets and blocking traffic.

She got off with a citation, fine and warning. Well done D! Plus 30.

EPISODE TOTAL: EVEN! SEASON TOTAL: +180!

Jersey Shore ...

 

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I feel sorry for Deena; it must be tough not being able to hang out with your best friend at the Shore. I am proud of Mike for staying sober; he definitely needs to make an honest woman out of Paula. I’m so sad this is the final season of “Jersey Shore;” I will miss this week’s episode because of my new work schedule at DISH. Fortunately, I set my Hopper to record the upcoming episode, and with all the DVR recording room available I will record the rest of the season. I’m surprised JWoww stayed with Roger after the fight, having a broken foot during the summer at Seaside really puts a damper on having fun at the Shore.

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Idk what math was being done but its not even, it comes out +20.

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