Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Recap: Sparkling and Shining

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Did Alana Thompson sparkle and shin? Did Anna have her baby? Did we make it through the first season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in one piece?

Read on to the answers to these questions and many more in our patented +/- rundown of this TLC hit's season finale...

Alana Thompson on Stage

Let's get right to it; Honey Boo Boo did not win the Miss Sparkle and Shine Pageant, a complete travesty that earns the judges MINUS 12 points.

But she did reunite with Glitzy the pig and seemed legitimately overcome with emotion, not caring one iota about the lack of a crown on her head. It was almost sweet, almost like the natural reaction of a regular six-year old. PLUS 17.

June Shannon stuck a camera in Anna's face as she went into labor (MINUS 10) and then reminded her daughter that giving birth is the most painful thing ever (Really, June?!? MINUS 10 more).

After three hours, Kaitlyn finally arrived… with THREE thumbs. Ummm, PLUS 6 we guess.

Said Anna of the delivery: "Baby Kaitlyn arrives on the biscuit express!" And that results in MINUS 27.

We meet Uncle Poodle and learn that Alana refers to every gay person as "Poodle." But she also says: "Ain't nothing wrong with being a little gay! Everybody's a little gay!"

PLUS 19 for being more open-minded than millions of Americans.

MINUS 8, however, for Honey Boo Boo's failed cartwheel.

We'll give the final words of the season - and then see you back here for a few holiday episodes! - to Lee, who earned PLUS 12 for this summary of the Thompsons:

Redneck ain't the word for this damn family. They're dysfunctional rednecks. One got bugs, one farts all the time, one's playing in the mud and one's digging in her butt all the time.

TOTAL: -25.  SEASON TO DATE: -185.

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This family is not a normal “dysfunctional,” it is definitely a “red-neck dysfunctional.” This is why I’m addicted to “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” this young girl could care less what America thinks of her, and the only opinion that counts is TLC since they are giving her a raise. I missed the final episode because of my work schedule at DISH. I’m sad the show has ended, but can’t wait to see the meals they create for the holidays. My Hopper recorded the last episode, and with all the recording space left I have enough room to catch the upcoming “Holladay” specials.