Fiona Apple Addresses Drug Arrest in Weirdest Rant Ever

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Fiona Apple got arrested for hashish possession in Texas last week.

In an on-stage rant Friday night, she discussed the incident, apologizing for behaving inappropriately ... then threatening four unnamed individuals.

Take a listen ...

Fiona wasted little time getting into the topic in Houston, telling the crowd, "I'm just gonna get this over with right away...First thing is the guy who runs the jail…he's a good guy, I want to apologize to him."

"I'm not going to say his name because he isn't interested in fame… and I only met him yesterday morning and I'm apologizing to him for being attitude-y."

"Most people were very nice to me [but] there are four of you out there and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking I couldn't hear or see you."

Mmmmmkay. What did they do exactly?

Fiona didn't reveal specifics ... yet.

The singer went on to say she "then ripped the paper up but not before I encoded it and put it in two lock boxes. We'll call them holding cell one and holding cell two. In holding cell one, is the encoded version of the s--t you did that I know is inappropriate and probably illegal. In holding cell two, is the decoder."

"I'm the only one who holds the key and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever unless of course the celebrity you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night."

"Unless you're interested in being a celebrity... I'll make you f*%ing famous anytime you ask and I'll open those boxes. Until then, stay in your f*%king holding cell."

Sounds like what those four people need is a good defense ... attorney.

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