The Real Housewives of New Jersey: If This RV is a Rockin'

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As The Real Housewives of New Jersey make their way through northern California, they warn that "If This RV Is a Rockn'" run in the other direction.

We break down all the laughs, tears, and unexpected nudity in THG's +/- recap:

Why can't Joe Gorga keep it in his pants. He insists on taking his equipment out and showing anyone within view? Why does Vito moon his girlfriend's brothers and pretend to have a tattoo? Why am I watching this show?

Joe Gorga Shows Off

Some questions have no answers but the Housewives and family are still crammed into RVs and wreaking havoc on northern California.  Plus 10 for taking their special brand of lunacy on the road.

What do Jerseyans do when they visit California?  They learn how to surf or at least try to but if you're so drunk you can barely walk a straight line,  should you really try and surf? Minus 8.  They're lucky nobody drowned.

Almost everyone gives it a go.  Plus 11 to Teresa and Kathy who take a lesson and seem to put the most effort into it. 

Of course this is northern California where the waters of the Pacific are damn cold so everyone dons wetsuits before heading into the surf.  Joe Gorga says they all look like they're wearing black condoms.  Plus 7.  That's just so Joe.

Most of the guys flounder around like beached whales, perhaps because they're too wasted to do much else.  Melissa backs out and decides to stand on the beach and show off her bedazzled bikini.  Plus 9.  It's always smart to go with your strengths.

Back at the RV camp Teresa realizes she twisted her ankle and here come the tears.  At least she's in actual pain.  It's Lauren's tears that have me rolling my eyes.

Lauren has major self esteem and abandonment issues. She cries when her brothers make fun of her. She cries that they have their own lives.  Then she feels likes she's being replaced by Albie's girlfriend.

Minus 12.  Enough with coddling poor Lauren.  Her brothers are allowed to have their own lives and she needs to grow up and find one of her own.  Perhaps something that doesn't rely on her mother or boyfriend. 

But the road trip continues no matter who cries and camping really isn't something the Jersey Housewives are comfortable with.  When they lose cell service everyone freaks and as Caroline says "there's nothing but trees and grass and us. Kill me now."  Plus 11 because I might just feel the same way in her shoes.

Everyone complains that they have no food yet somehow they make a feast that spans two tables. Plus 10. I think that's a Jersey Italian thing.

But wait…there are more tears.  Teresa pulls Jacqueline aside to talk.  As usual Teresa takes no responsibility for anything. She basically tells Jacqueline that she was in the wrong but they can still be friends.  How does Jacqueline let herself get painted as the bad guy in this nonsense?  Minus 11

Jacqueline breaks down sobbing when Teresa mentions going their separate ways and I just want to yell at Jacqueline to run. Run now!  Unfortunately she doesn't.  Instead she hugs Teresa and says "I'm sorry I hurt you." Teresa's response? "Well, I didn't hurt you." 

Why does anyone want to be friends with this woman? Minus 10.

There's still a few special moments we wouldn't want to forget…

  • Melissa continues to fondle Teresa for the second week.  What's up with that?
  • Joe Gorga wanders the RV park in his underwear asking neighbors for fruit.
  • Melissa reminds Teresa that she thought she was a stripper because she had fake boobs
  • Jacqueline announces she and Chris had the RV a rockin' the previous night.

And they're not done yet.  The California trip continues but it looks like the love fest comes to and end.  We have a prediction. There will be tears.  I'm sure you're shocked.

EPISODE TOTAL: +17! SEASON TOTAL: -204!

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There is something underlying strange to see a man who SEEMS TO BE Heterosexual display his penis to the world. What do the rest of you think? Are we on the same page?

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I have family in NJ and i do not have anything to with them because they act just like Theresa....fake, materialistic and absolutly clueless about what is important!!!! Raising children to put so much emphasis on material things is just so sad.

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Jacqueline has it all over Theresa and Melissa. Jacqualine is the most real and is the only reason why i watch the show. Even though she has money she is not always flaunting it. Theresa and Melissa need to tone it down. Jaqueline you rock!

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I think you are the most sincere compassionate lady on the show. Good for you.. ,
Stick to it.. You are fair.tERESA is a mliar

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Lauren has lost almost 40 lbs since recording finished and you'd be surprised how wonderful she looks. I saw her about a month ago on tv. I never think it's ok to criticize ppl for the way they look. Their style? That's fine but it's very small minded otherwise. Saying it about children says much more about you than it does them. Is so rude.

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Every thing stated abt teresa dumb ass gudice is correct. She is a ignorant troll married 2 a drunken slop w/a crew of ugly kids. Jaquelyn im so sick of you running back 2 this dumb bitch thinking she is your friend. U sat there and let her turn every thing on you. Ur just as stupid as she is so maybe you all deserve each other. No wonder Ashley is out of mind bc her mom is as well. U kept tellin ur child learn frm ur mistakes but u hvnt.

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Why are the Two Joes such pigs. They are both so inconsiderate to their wives. The sad thing is that Theresa thinks she can do no wrong. her and her fat stupid pig husband are right and the world is all wrong. I really think Joe Giuduce is a crook and Theresa is the one thats going to get HURT because she is just too STUPID to see what he is doing. Spare the rod and spoil the child is something Theresa should not pratice. She needs to beat those RUDE uncontrolable girls.

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i feel sp bad for Jacqualine! why on earth does she want to be friends with such a selfcentered bitch as Theresa.

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I agree with the post before me. I don't know who that poster is but is really funny and right on for most things... Joe Gorga would look taller if he lost some weight, he's too short to be that buffed. He has a cute face but his shortness is not good. I don't agree that Melissa is gorgeous, she's okay. Theresa should have some of her hairline laser-ed off. I have seen pictures of Theresa with her husband, Joe when they were younger and they were really cute. Joe was thinner he looked so much better. He too needs to lose weight. I agree their oldest girl not to pretty, but the youngest one I think is beautiful. Lauren would feel better about herself if she lost weight, she talks about it seems she gains instead of losing..... all and all I think the show is becoming boring. I'm still watching hoping to be surprised on something....

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seriously, teresa is a moron! who would want to be friends with such a bitch of a woman!