Tom Cruise's attorney, Bert Fields, demands that the National Enquirer and its parent company, American Media, retract its new cover story about the actor's just-settled divorce from Katie Holmes or face a defamation complaint of epic proportions.
Among other tawdry allegations, the magazine claims Cruise's home was akin to a "house of horrors" and that his estranged wife, Holmes, lived a "tortured life" in a marriage that was a "living nightmare" in virtual lockdown for years.
Fields absolutely went OFF on what he said was a "disgraceful and lurid cover with bogus, red and yellow headlines announcing one cruel lie after another about Mr. Cruise and his family" and went on to take them apart one by one:
"Contrary to your headlines, Mr. Cruise has not engaged in any 'abuse' or 'humiliation' of Katie Holmes," he wrote. "Nor has he ever subjected her to any punishments."
"It is also completely untrue that Mr. Cruise ever subjected his wife to relentless verbal abuse, emotional punishment, humiliation and intimidation."
"These are all egregious lies. He did none of these things."Regarding the "house of horrors" charge, Fields called Cruise's residence in Telluride, Colo., a "pleasant and loving home" for Tom, Katie and Suri Cruise.
"Suri was not forced to stay for five months in a tiny windowless room," he added, addressing another bogus allegation made by the tabloid.
He also rejected a claim that a "so-called 'expert'" told the Enquirer that Cruise "displays many of the symptoms of a man who beats up his wife."
Fields demanded an immediate retraction for "each and every one of the false assertions," which could cause Cruise "hundreds of millions" in damages.
Yesterday, a report leaked that Holmes secretly plotted her escape from Cruise with the use of burner phones; this article is entirely separate.
UPDATE: The story, a copy of which was leaked to The Hollywood Reporter but has yet to be published in print, was never meant for publication or dissemination and won't be released, according to the celebrity gossip tabloid.
Short story: Do not eff with Tom Cruise.