The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: The Claws Are Out

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Not much can top Tamra's nicknaming Alexis "Jesus Jugs" last week, but with Brooks and Briana stopping by the Real Housewives of Orange County are going to try.

Someone get poor Andy Cohen a helmet. Or vodka.

Let's get to part two of the RHOC Reunion with our THG +/- review.

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Andy addresses Gretchen and Alexis' falling out first. It's clear that Alexis is more upset about this than Gretchen is because her hands are flapping around like she's trying to direct an airplane to landing.

Nose job. Sinus surgery. You didn't have my back. Yes, I did. Whatever. If Alexis attempts to look down her new nose any more she's going to go cross-eyed.

And now Alexis' Fox 5 segment comes up. Gretchen pulls out an email that proves that Fox 5 wanted her first. Alexis says the producer said they'd never offered Gretchen the job. Neither woman can see that a producer might say whatever needed to be said to get the job done. Minus 12.

Tamra ends that bit by asking if Alexis still works at Fox 5. She doesn't.

The first question Andy has? How many square feet in her house. 14,300 square feet. Not including the garages and the loggias. And she needed a bigger house for what reason? Minus 4.

Andy brings up Bowgate. Heather admits that maybe she made it a bigger deal than it was. Plus 12.

Up next? Brooks.

It seems like this is the first time Vicki's seen just how nuts she was at the end of the season, judging by the look on her face. This should be interesting.

Brooks clarifies that he doesn't have four kids with three women. He has four kids with two women.

And then he says that all of his affirmations for Vicki are related to the fact that he's southern and that that's how southern men do things. I've lived in the south my entire life, y'all, and this is not how men down her do things. Minus 5.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra thinks Brooks studied the show to learn how to get to Vicki. Interesting.

Brooks then says he was "protecting his lady" from Tamra's eye roll. Because eye rolls are the new weapons of mass destruction. Minus 8.

He also says he wouldn't take relationship advice from Tamra because doing that would be like taking financial advice from someone who's bankrupt. Zing!

Alexis chimes in to defend Vicki and Brooks and is met with a "shut up, dingbat" and "You're so not relevant" from Tamra. Double zing!

Gretchen's relationship with Slade is up for discussion next. It's still Slade's pesky debt that keeps them from being engaged. Slade drives her to appointments. He books her gigs. He schedules her training sessions. She's not paying him for any of it. Minus 15.

In true Vicki fashion, she makes this all about her. If Slade's not an opportunist, Brooks isn't either. And apparently, Eddie's a smooth-talking a**hole? Gah. Vicki. I'm done with you. Minus 12.

The conversation ended with Gretchen calling Vicki a hypocrite. Again.

Briana's on the couch now and surprise! She's pregnant! Again, in true Vicki fashion, she cried for half an hour when she found out Briana was pregnant. Minus 3.

Briana and Ryan moved in with Vicki. So now Briana, Ryan, Vicki, AND DONN all live in the same house. Because it's a big house.

Briana's still pretty hesitant about Brooks. As in, she has nothing to do with him. Briana's take is that Brooks just wants to be Vicki-the-Real-Housewife's boyfriend and not the Real Vicki's boyfriend. Tamra agrees. Plus 8.

Brooks outed Briana's pregnancy and her family wedding to local radio. And Vicki keeps defending him. Minus 30.

And then Vicki called her daughter a liar. On television. Minus 10.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Briana mentions, again, that Vicki probably had an emotional affair with Brooks long before their relationship became physical. Gretchen calls it "weird" because of accusations that Gretchen cheated on Jeff. Vicki says Donn had an affair for 20 years. And then slams Tamra for dating Eddie while she was married to Simon.

There's a whole lot of cheating going on, y'all.

Briana's the voice of reason and Gretchen's on the verge of tears. Pass out some tissues. Or the booze.

As a recap of the season, Heather says she had fun and hopes she and Alexis left everything in Costa Rica. Alexis says she's going to try to be a better person every day. Gretchen says this was an emotionally tough season. Tamra's had a lot of change in her life, including gaining Gretchen as a friend and losing Vicki. Vicki's confused. Just drink already, people.

Cheers, y'all.

EPISODE TOTAL: -67   SEASON TOTAL: -431

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Gretchen looks like a lion, Tamra looked like she was wearing a wig, Vicki looks like a squirrel that has had too much plastic surgery and who cares about the other two. They are all fake! Not one more than the other but it's hard to look away...Bravo! Bravo

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Tamra is a real piece of work,I'm not sure how much abuse she suffered at the hands of Simon, but she is a very broken woman, she went after Jana,Gretchen, The lesbian woman she kissed, Vikki (twice) now Alexis, watchout Heather, she doesn't like to c unity, she's a pot stirrer, and is incapable of having a friendship, she is to jealous and competitive to be anyone's real friend, the only thing anyone of these women to fall prey to her wrath was being happy in love and friendships and she hates that, Jena Vikki, Alexis, Gretchen are repetsentations of what she wish she could be, Alexis(youth,beauty) Gretchen(youth) they actually do have business wearing a bikini, Tamra doesn't. Vikki(independent,
successful) Jena(Successful) Tamra is none of these things,

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I HAVE WATCHED THIS SHOW FROM THE BEGINNING. I LOVE VICKI,AND ALEXIS.I THINK TAMARA IS SO MEAN SPIRTED AND IF THAT IS WHAT HAPPY LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE I GUESS I'M NOT HAPPY.I THOUGHT WHEN SHE BROUGHT UP WHAT SHE SAYS HAPPENED IN CABO THAT SHOWED HER TRUE COLORS,SHE WILL SAY ANYTHING TO MAKE SOMEONE LOOK BAD. THAT STATEMENT MUST HAVE CRUCHED VICKI.I THINK TAMARA COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM ALEXIS AND THAT WOULD BE SHE MAY TALK ABOUT HERSELF ALOT BUT SHE IS NOT MEAN AND UGLY TO EVERYONE.

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I enjoy all these shows for what they are worth: mindless drama and occasional laughs. I love to read the comments on recaps like these because so many people take these women seriously and spew hatred toward them. They are television characters. Do you violently hate the murderers on CSI? No. Because they're not real. But to each his own I guess. However, I will say that those of you calling Briana a 'bitch daughter' are clearly misdirecting anger at similar situations in your own life. She has respectfully tolerated Vicki for years (again on a show), and now she is not allowed to voice concern in a public arena when private pleas haven't worked? Come on.

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Tamra is a mean, nasty person that will side with anyone anytime to make herself look good. As someone else astutely said, she causes all kinds of drama to take the focus off of her situation. She is a two time marital loser, with countless boyfriends, who is lucky she has looks because that is all she has. She has spoken visciously about all her "friends" behind their backs and on national tv and as far as I am concerned she is the worst person on that show. Never forgot the show where she was about to have sex in the bathtub with her boyfriend or how she got Gretchen "naked wasted" and then her own sleazy son tried to come on to Gretchen.
That must be one heck of a messed up guy having a mother flaunt her sexuality on tv all the time and he looks like he could be her contemporary.
Hope you read this Tamra, we are on to you.

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Always really liked Tamra, happy with team tamra (Gretchen and heather) wish Vicki could see that apparently this guy Brooks has been studying up on her and is here to be on a RH show. How can she accept that he has outed Briana's wedding and pregnancy? Alexis full of crap as usual

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I am sorry but Gretchen looks like a man. Since she has changed her friend status she has become rude so rude, I cannot stand these women. I guess California is losing it's class, sad.

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1)whats "real" about women w/fake breasts, eyelashes, lips, hair, botox and plastic surgery? 2)who is a "housewife" besides Alexis and Heather? 3)do "normal" people have "friends" like this? (I don't). 4)Brooks, Jim Belloni, Eddie, Slade make their money doing what? 5)Look up the term "narcissist" for further information...

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Love love Tamera! And great job Gretchen and Heather!! Vickieeeee dump the loser that uses your own child for some radio time. Shameful.

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I sure hope Tamara, Gretchen, and Heather read this blog....Tamara makes me sick. If Alexis is superficial, well guess what...They all are. Tamara is the school ground bully. She needs her ass whipped one good time. Gretchen is such a brown nosing troll. She is just glad Tamara isn't bullying her this season. Heather, you sure as hell ain't no Angelina Jolie. No one has ever heard or seen any of your acting. Alexis showed class the entire season. She never used profanity and was always nice.