The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: The Claws Are Out

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Not much can top Tamra's nicknaming Alexis "Jesus Jugs" last week, but with Brooks and Briana stopping by the Real Housewives of Orange County are going to try.

Someone get poor Andy Cohen a helmet. Or vodka.

Let's get to part two of the RHOC Reunion with our THG +/- review.

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Andy addresses Gretchen and Alexis' falling out first. It's clear that Alexis is more upset about this than Gretchen is because her hands are flapping around like she's trying to direct an airplane to landing.

Nose job. Sinus surgery. You didn't have my back. Yes, I did. Whatever. If Alexis attempts to look down her new nose any more she's going to go cross-eyed.

And now Alexis' Fox 5 segment comes up. Gretchen pulls out an email that proves that Fox 5 wanted her first. Alexis says the producer said they'd never offered Gretchen the job. Neither woman can see that a producer might say whatever needed to be said to get the job done. Minus 12.

Tamra ends that bit by asking if Alexis still works at Fox 5. She doesn't.

The first question Andy has? How many square feet in her house. 14,300 square feet. Not including the garages and the loggias. And she needed a bigger house for what reason? Minus 4.

Andy brings up Bowgate. Heather admits that maybe she made it a bigger deal than it was. Plus 12.

Up next? Brooks.

It seems like this is the first time Vicki's seen just how nuts she was at the end of the season, judging by the look on her face. This should be interesting.

Brooks clarifies that he doesn't have four kids with three women. He has four kids with two women.

And then he says that all of his affirmations for Vicki are related to the fact that he's southern and that that's how southern men do things. I've lived in the south my entire life, y'all, and this is not how men down her do things. Minus 5.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra thinks Brooks studied the show to learn how to get to Vicki. Interesting.

Brooks then says he was "protecting his lady" from Tamra's eye roll. Because eye rolls are the new weapons of mass destruction. Minus 8.

He also says he wouldn't take relationship advice from Tamra because doing that would be like taking financial advice from someone who's bankrupt. Zing!

Alexis chimes in to defend Vicki and Brooks and is met with a "shut up, dingbat" and "You're so not relevant" from Tamra. Double zing!

Gretchen's relationship with Slade is up for discussion next. It's still Slade's pesky debt that keeps them from being engaged. Slade drives her to appointments. He books her gigs. He schedules her training sessions. She's not paying him for any of it. Minus 15.

In true Vicki fashion, she makes this all about her. If Slade's not an opportunist, Brooks isn't either. And apparently, Eddie's a smooth-talking a**hole? Gah. Vicki. I'm done with you. Minus 12.

The conversation ended with Gretchen calling Vicki a hypocrite. Again.

Briana's on the couch now and surprise! She's pregnant! Again, in true Vicki fashion, she cried for half an hour when she found out Briana was pregnant. Minus 3.

Briana and Ryan moved in with Vicki. So now Briana, Ryan, Vicki, AND DONN all live in the same house. Because it's a big house.

Briana's still pretty hesitant about Brooks. As in, she has nothing to do with him. Briana's take is that Brooks just wants to be Vicki-the-Real-Housewife's boyfriend and not the Real Vicki's boyfriend. Tamra agrees. Plus 8.

Brooks outed Briana's pregnancy and her family wedding to local radio. And Vicki keeps defending him. Minus 30.

And then Vicki called her daughter a liar. On television. Minus 10.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Briana mentions, again, that Vicki probably had an emotional affair with Brooks long before their relationship became physical. Gretchen calls it "weird" because of accusations that Gretchen cheated on Jeff. Vicki says Donn had an affair for 20 years. And then slams Tamra for dating Eddie while she was married to Simon.

There's a whole lot of cheating going on, y'all.

Briana's the voice of reason and Gretchen's on the verge of tears. Pass out some tissues. Or the booze.

As a recap of the season, Heather says she had fun and hopes she and Alexis left everything in Costa Rica. Alexis says she's going to try to be a better person every day. Gretchen says this was an emotionally tough season. Tamra's had a lot of change in her life, including gaining Gretchen as a friend and losing Vicki. Vicki's confused. Just drink already, people.

Cheers, y'all.

EPISODE TOTAL: -67   SEASON TOTAL: -431

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Okay, Im from the UK, but i haven't seen this season with the brunette? Do any of you know if it's going to air????

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Hayley from UK!
I love this programme so much!!! But I felt sorry for vicki when slade ganged up on her. To be honest slade is only in it for fame, and I think gretchen should be ashamed for moving on so quickly with slade after jeff's death. I LOVE TAMRA!! She's amazing and I'm so glad she got rid of simon she seems such a stronger women :) x

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I love tamara I think she is so funny she reminds me of us English girls she says it as it is and yh she has a big gob but witch house wife done deffo think you should get rid of gretchen

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Heather is the biggest phony of them all pretending to be an actress and saying other ones are phony and love to bragggg! Well look in the mirror girl or might that scare you looking at your hollow witchy eyes!

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Tamara's ex-husband is made out to be a bully - but I feel sorry for him! When Tamara was married to him, she was half way normal - eventhough her trailer park attitude showed, but since she is divorced, she can be herself again and voila..! So I do give her ex credit for keeping her in line and I am sure it was a TOUGH job. I would not want to be in his shoes....never knowing what might come out of her mouth!

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Besides that cheap wig Tamra was wearing, Gretchen's was just as bad - the hair was sooo shiney, it looked plastic - so cheap!

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No they are keeping Tamra on the show cause without her trashy embarrassing behaviour they would not have a show! But you can learn something from the show too......What kinda women not to pick as friends or partner! It helps me....lol! I get my glas of wine and enjoy the slumbs of OC!

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Andy needs to kick tamera off the show. I get the show needs 'drama', but Tamera is too much. It's stressful to watch. Tamera is a MANIPULATOR, and and tries to bring ppl down...she's intensely insecure. Its funny how Tamera has turned everyone against each other, but no one really calls her out on her bs. It's like they're scared of her. Gretchen needs to do the right thing. They should all go against the source, Tamera, and try to kick her off the show.

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Heather,Tamara,and Gretchen have formed a mutual dislike for Alexis and determined to improve her. What are friends for or is it emenies? Since they are perfect. As a followers of Jesus Chist, I'm insulted by Tamara's comment to Alexis about her breast.

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I don't understand why people say that the other housewives are jealous of Alexis. She's a complete idiot! She spoils her children terribly and is forced to bow down to her husband at every turn. Who would be jealous of that? She proves that she treats people horribly who she deems to be beneath her. On the lost footage episode, she is downright nasty to the actual designer of her dress line. Alexis claims that she is doing all of the work on the line, and then demands that her designer work on correcting issues with the website! Isn't that something Alexis should do since she can't design or sew clothes? I just don't get the whole "jealousy" comment!!