The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: Cat Fight, Part One

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Two weeks after The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, the women are sitting down on Andy Cohen's couches in Part One of the Season 7 reunion.

Will Alexis get an apology for being called phony? (Probably not.) Will Vicki have to defend Brooks? (Probably.) And how many times will she say "love tank"? (One time too many.)

Let's find out in THG's Real Housewives of Orange County +/- recap!

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Tamra's hair is as big as Alexis' boobs. Minus 5.

We're 60 seconds in and Vicki's already lamenting the fact that Brianna eloped and almost had cancer. Minus 10.

Andy just pointed out that Gretchen and Tamra have swapped hairstyles. Which explains everything. And he's wasting no time asking about Vicki's fur coat. Plus 2.

Alexis says the reason she mispronounced Katie Couric's last name is because she has an accent. You know, like the British. Minus 4.

Here it goes, Alexis and the infamous Fox 5 news reporter scandal. She says that Jim's douche-maneuver in virtually everything regarding Alexis and what she wants, is just because he has a strong personality. Heather calls her out on it and says it's like he's her Daddy. Then she slams Tamra saying "she's still married."

Heather used the word "maligning" like she thinks Alexis knows what that means. Plus 10 for good vocabulary.

In this argument between Heather and Alexis? Heather wins. Mostly because she understands words. And mortgages.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra's recap is up next. Seriously, her hair is huge!

After Eddie proposed, he re-proposed in front of her kids when they got home. Plus 10.

Tamra said her mouth has gotten her into a lot of trouble. At least she's aware. Vicki's disappointed by the distance between she and Tamra after this season. Both are saddened by the recent Vicki-Tamra feud.

Something that makes Tamra happy is her friendship with Gretchen. Vicki thinks Tamra's unable to have more than one friend at a time. Vicki, jealousy's an ugly look. Minus 3.

Vicki blames Tamra for the reason she didn't like Alexis for so long. Alexis says that she and Vicki have been working on their friendship since last season.

Andy Cohen just said "love tank." Minus 25.

Heather and Gretchen

And now there's a montage of Brooks and his positive affirmations. There's not enough pinot grigio in the world to make him tolerable.

Donn and Brooks apparently get along swimmingly. Vicki, apparently, almost ripped Donn's girlfriend's eyeballs out.

Gretchen says Vicki's not sincere in what she says. "Correct," Vicki replies. But she's not a hypocrite. Minus 10.

Vicki says she's told Brooks to "get his sh*t together" regarding his child support issues and reveals that she's known him for five years and wrote a letter to the judge to get him out of jail when he was tossed into the clink for not paying. Juicy!

She just can't seem to grasp how hypocritical she's been with Slade and Brooks' similar situations. Minus 15.

Phony-gate 2012 is upon us.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Alexis feels like the women ganged up on her, which is probably true. And Heather said "maligned" again. Alexis still doesn't know what it means. Tamra said her blow-up at her coffee date with Alexis was the result of Alexis pushing her into it. And then Alexis called Tamra bitter and old.

Gretchen says she warned Alexis that Phony-gate was coming when they were on the plane ride over to Costa Rica and then Alexis tells Andy that Gretchen's lying about her hair extensions. Because those two things are related. Minus 3.

Vicki says she'd never want anyone to "gang bang" Tamra. So that's good.

Heather accuses Alexis of being rude to the crew and department store employees. And then Tamra shouts "You are PSYCHOTIC, JESUS JUGS." And I died. Plus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: -3. SEASON TOTAL: -364.

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so heather isn't ostentatious? how about entertaining her friends in her ostentatious private bathroom with fridge and champagne, lounge chairs etc. and diamonds in the glasses at her naming party ? and her cake wasn't big enough for her? and the private helicopter ride with her restaurant friends ? and showing off that house? not ostentatious? i bet this not-so-busy actress is glad she has a wealthy husband. what did alexis ever do to her except comment about her acting? heather is jealous of alexis.

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I honestly cannot believe that some people (esp GRETCHEN) do not get this- Look, at that point in the costa rican gang-up, NO FRIEND EVER should have chimed in when the other 2 people OPENLY do not like and actually even HATE your friend!! It doesn't matter if your friend is TRULY an asshole and the other 2 girls are 100% correct. Are you kidding? If Gretchen gave one single ass of a rat about Alexis, she would have had a one-on-one, heart to heart with Alexis over her concerns that Alexis presents herself as a pretentious beyotch or whatever. Seriously, its mind-boggling people don't see that. How on earth can you PARTICIPATE, (hell I wouldnt even just sit there quietly, I'd jump in to DEFEND my friend), in anything negative towards a close friend when it is being instigated and perpetuated by two other people that MOCK and make fun of and talk shit about and basically HATE her!?! Bad bad bad friend you are Gretch.

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Look at Heather seething. All for one reason. Someone put down her so called pity of an acting career. This is the only thing that defines her unfortunatley. She is trying to crush Alexis," lie down,your dead,ouch...you can see the out of control crazy lady hate oozing from her.

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Mark my words. You have just seen the tip of the ice berg with heather. She has yet to show herself. There is something fake about that one. She is the most pretentious of all of them. Does she think she is talking to her children?Leave Alexa lone already. She needs a girlfriend. Prob never had one cause she is prob prettier than all of them and these are girls that DO NOT like hanging with girls prettier than them. I think heather has it out for her for just that reason. Tamra,please,the hair. It's worse than Kim from Atlanta. Gretchen is a liar and NO ones friend. TWO FACED...

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I hate the person that does the recaps. I always search recaps and accidentally come to this site. OCCASIONALLY I read it to see if anything has changed, but alas, it has not. This Beyotch recapper still is obvious biased in favor of (barf) Tamra, Gretchen and Heather. Those 3 nasty women (and christ especially Tamra) are TOTAL SCUM!! I'm sure Gretchen can be sweet to a lot of her friends, and honestly I dont doubt I'd probably like her if I ever ended up in the same social setting as her. But god dammit Tamra is a nasty belch. Heather, bleh. Whatevs. If she likes you I'm sure she is pleasant and interesting. If she doesn't, she unfortunately lacks the manners to understand that she is no freaking role model to be "correcting" other adults on their behavior.

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Heather is so fake and overly botoxed. She looks like a vampire with all of the dark eye shadow she wears to hide the wrinkles. Heather tries to come off as confident and the perfect down to earth doctor's wife and she’s the first to call out the others for being ostentatious. I notice she wears designer clothes and jewelry that sport the largest logos. Guess she’s the one ostentatiously flaunting her wealth. As for her husband Terry, he’s so faggy the way he likes to gossip and argue with the girls. What a fruit. I don’t know how she got kids out of the one.

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I can't stand Tamra! It's so obvious that she is a snake...and I'm suddenly on Vicki's side. I feel sorry for Alexis...they all ganged up on her, and who the heck are they to stage some crazy intervention?? Tamra...nasty person?? You wrote the book.

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I miss Don. He was probably lucky to escape Vicki though. She is the most self centered of all the women on RHOC. She turns everything , even her daughters illness, into it being about her. I'm glad Heather took on Alexis but I don't think Alexis gets it. I mean even after all they had to say about her pretentiouness, she still made her "private jet" statement. I live in OC and I've heard the comments all over town too about her condescending attitude towards the staff in shops and restaurants etc. Vicki, watch out for Brooks. What a con man. YUK

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Tamera looks old and awful,get a hair cut girl. Vicki is clue-less without Don. Alexis is such a joke. I'll keep on! Get away from him!!! Rock on.......////////Gretchen so sad..............

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Vivian...yes...she is trailer trash!! Agreed!!

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