The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: Cat Fight, Part One

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Two weeks after The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, the women are sitting down on Andy Cohen's couches in Part One of the Season 7 reunion.

Will Alexis get an apology for being called phony? (Probably not.) Will Vicki have to defend Brooks? (Probably.) And how many times will she say "love tank"? (One time too many.)

Let's find out in THG's Real Housewives of Orange County +/- recap!

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Tamra's hair is as big as Alexis' boobs. Minus 5.

We're 60 seconds in and Vicki's already lamenting the fact that Brianna eloped and almost had cancer. Minus 10.

Andy just pointed out that Gretchen and Tamra have swapped hairstyles. Which explains everything. And he's wasting no time asking about Vicki's fur coat. Plus 2.

Alexis says the reason she mispronounced Katie Couric's last name is because she has an accent. You know, like the British. Minus 4.

Here it goes, Alexis and the infamous Fox 5 news reporter scandal. She says that Jim's douche-maneuver in virtually everything regarding Alexis and what she wants, is just because he has a strong personality. Heather calls her out on it and says it's like he's her Daddy. Then she slams Tamra saying "she's still married."

Heather used the word "maligning" like she thinks Alexis knows what that means. Plus 10 for good vocabulary.

In this argument between Heather and Alexis? Heather wins. Mostly because she understands words. And mortgages.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra's recap is up next. Seriously, her hair is huge!

After Eddie proposed, he re-proposed in front of her kids when they got home. Plus 10.

Tamra said her mouth has gotten her into a lot of trouble. At least she's aware. Vicki's disappointed by the distance between she and Tamra after this season. Both are saddened by the recent Vicki-Tamra feud.

Something that makes Tamra happy is her friendship with Gretchen. Vicki thinks Tamra's unable to have more than one friend at a time. Vicki, jealousy's an ugly look. Minus 3.

Vicki blames Tamra for the reason she didn't like Alexis for so long. Alexis says that she and Vicki have been working on their friendship since last season.

Andy Cohen just said "love tank." Minus 25.

Heather and Gretchen

And now there's a montage of Brooks and his positive affirmations. There's not enough pinot grigio in the world to make him tolerable.

Donn and Brooks apparently get along swimmingly. Vicki, apparently, almost ripped Donn's girlfriend's eyeballs out.

Gretchen says Vicki's not sincere in what she says. "Correct," Vicki replies. But she's not a hypocrite. Minus 10.

Vicki says she's told Brooks to "get his sh*t together" regarding his child support issues and reveals that she's known him for five years and wrote a letter to the judge to get him out of jail when he was tossed into the clink for not paying. Juicy!

She just can't seem to grasp how hypocritical she's been with Slade and Brooks' similar situations. Minus 15.

Phony-gate 2012 is upon us.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Alexis feels like the women ganged up on her, which is probably true. And Heather said "maligned" again. Alexis still doesn't know what it means. Tamra said her blow-up at her coffee date with Alexis was the result of Alexis pushing her into it. And then Alexis called Tamra bitter and old.

Gretchen says she warned Alexis that Phony-gate was coming when they were on the plane ride over to Costa Rica and then Alexis tells Andy that Gretchen's lying about her hair extensions. Because those two things are related. Minus 3.

Vicki says she'd never want anyone to "gang bang" Tamra. So that's good.

Heather accuses Alexis of being rude to the crew and department store employees. And then Tamra shouts "You are PSYCHOTIC, JESUS JUGS." And I died. Plus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: -3. SEASON TOTAL: -364.

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I really liked Heather in the beginning, but the way they all handled Costa Rica put me on team Alexis. Alexis is right - all these women are fake and materialistic, why gang up on Alexis about it? They all talk about their money! And Alexis isn't the only one who questioned Heather's acting "career" (if you can call it that,) Gretchen did too. I was disappointed that Andy seemingly allowed these women to all attack Alexis; usually he seems to be pretty unbiased. I almost turned the reunion off because I couldn't take Tamra's bullying and Heather's self-righteousness. I doubt I'll even watch the 2nd part.

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I have not read all of the remarks but has anyone else noticed how terribly thin that one blonde is? I think her name is Gretchen. She looks anorexic in this reunion. I hope she is not ill. Can hardly wait to see the Second Reunion. It all really is like watching a train wreck.

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Theresa, Your name is trailer trash. Heather actually speaks and carries herself very well. She tells the truth and she tells it in a very smart way. Some people just can't handle it. Go get a life and quit posting on this forum 50 million times =)

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Oh about Heather and Terry, ' dodley do right' animated character from the 70's .why do they want to be part of the show?. She wants to appear as the ' duchess' of OC. And yet everything from ther mouth spews out sounds like 'trailer trash ' talk. She has to motion her hands when she speaks , this will indicate whether she angry or jealous. Vicki's daughter , an adult and married should not be concerned of how her mother spends her money. Briana make your own money and mind your own business. As for little Tamara shouting out to Alexis , Jesus Jugs indicates that shes Tantrum Tamara. and Gretchen is only happy with her right tube of lipstick.

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To all you Heather haters: YOUR JUST JEALOUS!!

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DId anyone happen to notice Alexis' blatant lie with regards to Gretchen telling her that the girls were going to talk to her in Costa Rica? Alexis said that she looked at Gretchen before sitting down to eat and said to her that she better have her back if the ladies said something. Then two seconds later she was calling Gretchen a liar and stating that Gretchen never told her anything on the plane. Dummy can't even keep up with herself.

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Also all three, Tamara , Gretchen and Heather seemed al steamed up like a raging bull in a crystal house. Eddie you can do much better than Tanara! Gretchen is not a real friend , she a manikin.And little Heather, she talks likea man , she walkds like a man, she thinks like a man. She feels that she has the last word and that she instructs Alexis how to think and behave. Heather is the one who questions about mateial goods. She doesnt know Alexis! Tamara reminds me of a little pekinese dog, ready to pounce and bark at you, and yes seveal episodes of ' pitiful pouty puppy ; tears.

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These woman are horrible. I have never met women in all my life that behave like they do and would not befriend any of them. Heather reminds me of a snake. Tamra is like high-class trailer trash, and Gretchen is keeping a man who isn't worth the horse he rode in on. These women don't know the meaning of the word "friendship." They are all ass-kissers for people richer than themselves. They emote jealously and self-hatred. What a worthless bunch of women. It is like watching a train wreck each week. The fact that they are getting rich off this show boggles my mind. If the audience was smart they would boycott the show. I know I have seen my last one. It is hard to ascertain who is the worst, but I think Tamra is the biggest troublemaker. She is the cruelest, biggest harpie.

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Alexis is the best one on the show. The others are just jealous!!!

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"This bioytch recapper?" (post #7). Who the eff is holding you at gunpoint, forcing you to read here against your will?