The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: Cat Fight, Part One

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Two weeks after The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, the women are sitting down on Andy Cohen's couches in Part One of the Season 7 reunion.

Will Alexis get an apology for being called phony? (Probably not.) Will Vicki have to defend Brooks? (Probably.) And how many times will she say "love tank"? (One time too many.)

Let's find out in THG's Real Housewives of Orange County +/- recap!

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Tamra's hair is as big as Alexis' boobs. Minus 5.

We're 60 seconds in and Vicki's already lamenting the fact that Brianna eloped and almost had cancer. Minus 10.

Andy just pointed out that Gretchen and Tamra have swapped hairstyles. Which explains everything. And he's wasting no time asking about Vicki's fur coat. Plus 2.

Alexis says the reason she mispronounced Katie Couric's last name is because she has an accent. You know, like the British. Minus 4.

Here it goes, Alexis and the infamous Fox 5 news reporter scandal. She says that Jim's douche-maneuver in virtually everything regarding Alexis and what she wants, is just because he has a strong personality. Heather calls her out on it and says it's like he's her Daddy. Then she slams Tamra saying "she's still married."

Heather used the word "maligning" like she thinks Alexis knows what that means. Plus 10 for good vocabulary.

In this argument between Heather and Alexis? Heather wins. Mostly because she understands words. And mortgages.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra's recap is up next. Seriously, her hair is huge!

After Eddie proposed, he re-proposed in front of her kids when they got home. Plus 10.

Tamra said her mouth has gotten her into a lot of trouble. At least she's aware. Vicki's disappointed by the distance between she and Tamra after this season. Both are saddened by the recent Vicki-Tamra feud.

Something that makes Tamra happy is her friendship with Gretchen. Vicki thinks Tamra's unable to have more than one friend at a time. Vicki, jealousy's an ugly look. Minus 3.

Vicki blames Tamra for the reason she didn't like Alexis for so long. Alexis says that she and Vicki have been working on their friendship since last season.

Andy Cohen just said "love tank." Minus 25.

Heather and Gretchen

And now there's a montage of Brooks and his positive affirmations. There's not enough pinot grigio in the world to make him tolerable.

Donn and Brooks apparently get along swimmingly. Vicki, apparently, almost ripped Donn's girlfriend's eyeballs out.

Gretchen says Vicki's not sincere in what she says. "Correct," Vicki replies. But she's not a hypocrite. Minus 10.

Vicki says she's told Brooks to "get his sh*t together" regarding his child support issues and reveals that she's known him for five years and wrote a letter to the judge to get him out of jail when he was tossed into the clink for not paying. Juicy!

She just can't seem to grasp how hypocritical she's been with Slade and Brooks' similar situations. Minus 15.

Phony-gate 2012 is upon us.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Alexis feels like the women ganged up on her, which is probably true. And Heather said "maligned" again. Alexis still doesn't know what it means. Tamra said her blow-up at her coffee date with Alexis was the result of Alexis pushing her into it. And then Alexis called Tamra bitter and old.

Gretchen says she warned Alexis that Phony-gate was coming when they were on the plane ride over to Costa Rica and then Alexis tells Andy that Gretchen's lying about her hair extensions. Because those two things are related. Minus 3.

Vicki says she'd never want anyone to "gang bang" Tamra. So that's good.

Heather accuses Alexis of being rude to the crew and department store employees. And then Tamra shouts "You are PSYCHOTIC, JESUS JUGS." And I died. Plus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: -3. SEASON TOTAL: -364.

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Tamara is a brat. She cant make her own decisions. She said ,all glammed up, she's going full force with this health club. Uh. ..remember you have to be planted in the club for the entire day.From opening to closing. That would be your life. You have to keep the numbers on track to make payroll . Not to mention everyithing else , everything you see and touch , YOU PAY. That means no more social, " be a real person" ,life. No more tantrums and throwing drinks at people faces. No time to tease your extensions.

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I miss Jeanna and her beautiful well spoken daughter Kara. I doubt I will be watching anymore..the truth is nothing will change in any of their lives...they are who they are and frankly it is boring.

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These women are all so fake, boring and not too bright, so why do we watch? I guess it is the classic train wreck theory. My observations: Heather - Stuck up and condesending
Tamara - Still White Trash but now we can add Cougar. Gretchen - In denial, how can Slade ever support you be real?
Vicki - Pathetic, self centered...Brooke is a phoney! Maybe he is good in bed, but I doubt it.
Alexis - dumb, noveau riche.

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For the record, the RHOC is probably the white trashiest of them all. I much prefer the other RH franchises, but since I'm addicted to these shows, I watch!!! I have a difficult time liking any of the women of the OC. Overly made-up and kinda tacky. I was hopeful when Heather was introduced because she seemed a little more refined. I don't know what I was thinking. She is a mean, nasty person!! She is as stuck-up as they come. I don't think it was just post-Costa Rica. She's been that way since the get-go. I hope one day, they'll bring in an actual likable housewife.

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Alexis is as thick as a plank and should be dropped from the show. Actually, they are all tasteless and vulgar. I think this show has run it's course....

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Vicki and Tamara will be friends again because Vicki is going to be royally screwed by that bum she's with. Alexis is as dumb as a post and that man of hers is controlling and insecure.

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Im confused why would anyone be jealous of Alexis, she not smart, she is scared of her husband his word is GOD. Did you see him leaving her at the party and her climbing in meekly saying thank you. What is so amzing about a Woman who is scared to do what she wants becasue she values materialistic things in life from this jerk. Tamara may be trash, but she works as a real state, Gretchen does everything in the book, heather is an actress and yes she had short lived shows, and movies, she still auditions, Viki is successful, by the way Alexis was dropped from Fox as at whatever she was doing. So what is so great about her, she treats the help, shabbily. I know a hairdresser out in Huntington Beach that said that she was a bitch to her. She had to change her hairstyle 3 times cause she didnt like it, and left without tipping. So sorry no team Alexis for me

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I think Tamera Looked awful what was with her hair? and why is she so mean? Vickie did see how two faced she was being but she owned it and said it she don't care the only thing that matters to her is that she's happy and she's right that's all that should matter She is a good mother to her daughter and for her daughter to just deny her of the privlige to give her away or even meeet her future husband was very disrespectful i'm sorry. Gretchen eat a sandwitch for god sakes!I like Heather and i like the way she talks she gets her point acrossed. Alexis there is nothing wrong with you those bitches do all the same bragging you do they are just so jelous of you everyone can see it but you Don't change yourself for them your beautiful.

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After reading these comments, I do believe the trolls are out in full force. Anyone with any sense at all would see that Heather and Terry really are wealthy, happily married and highly educated. Heather is well spoken, Alexis is not. I pity Alexis because she tries so hard to fit in, but Heather was right when she said, "if you have money, you don't talk about it". Alexis is like a donkey with Jim holding the proverbial carrot in front of her, it's disgusting. Vicki should be enlightened about Brooks after the 20/20 segment telling all his sordid past. Tamra is herself and so is Gretchen. I'm hoping Vicki and Alexis have had their last season. They need to concentrate on their immediate relationships.

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Heather is actually the least pretty of all the women. Does she know there are other colors than black out there in Nordstroms? She is ugly, pretentious and a witch. She, to me, is a real mean girl. Who throws a huge party like she did to change their name..talk about being phoney. Gretchen has to finally admit she had her lips done? You have to be stupid not to notice that....she looks like a Beaver. Slade needs to shave and get a different hair cut and maybe gain a few pounds and get a job and pay that damned child support. Tamra is just a mess from head to toe, inside and out, and Eddie the Bug Eyed Wonder is pitiful. Vicki needs lots and lots of therapy and is desperate for love from anyone. I can assure you Brooks is a user.
Alexis may be phony but they all are. They are really jealous because she is the prettiest with the best body. The women are just a bunch of bullies cause their lives are a mess and they don't feel good about themselves.