The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: Cat Fight, Part One

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Two weeks after The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, the women are sitting down on Andy Cohen's couches in Part One of the Season 7 reunion.

Will Alexis get an apology for being called phony? (Probably not.) Will Vicki have to defend Brooks? (Probably.) And how many times will she say "love tank"? (One time too many.)

Let's find out in THG's Real Housewives of Orange County +/- recap!

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Tamra's hair is as big as Alexis' boobs. Minus 5.

We're 60 seconds in and Vicki's already lamenting the fact that Brianna eloped and almost had cancer. Minus 10.

Andy just pointed out that Gretchen and Tamra have swapped hairstyles. Which explains everything. And he's wasting no time asking about Vicki's fur coat. Plus 2.

Alexis says the reason she mispronounced Katie Couric's last name is because she has an accent. You know, like the British. Minus 4.

Here it goes, Alexis and the infamous Fox 5 news reporter scandal. She says that Jim's douche-maneuver in virtually everything regarding Alexis and what she wants, is just because he has a strong personality. Heather calls her out on it and says it's like he's her Daddy. Then she slams Tamra saying "she's still married."

Heather used the word "maligning" like she thinks Alexis knows what that means. Plus 10 for good vocabulary.

In this argument between Heather and Alexis? Heather wins. Mostly because she understands words. And mortgages.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra's recap is up next. Seriously, her hair is huge!

After Eddie proposed, he re-proposed in front of her kids when they got home. Plus 10.

Tamra said her mouth has gotten her into a lot of trouble. At least she's aware. Vicki's disappointed by the distance between she and Tamra after this season. Both are saddened by the recent Vicki-Tamra feud.

Something that makes Tamra happy is her friendship with Gretchen. Vicki thinks Tamra's unable to have more than one friend at a time. Vicki, jealousy's an ugly look. Minus 3.

Vicki blames Tamra for the reason she didn't like Alexis for so long. Alexis says that she and Vicki have been working on their friendship since last season.

Andy Cohen just said "love tank." Minus 25.

Heather and Gretchen

And now there's a montage of Brooks and his positive affirmations. There's not enough pinot grigio in the world to make him tolerable.

Donn and Brooks apparently get along swimmingly. Vicki, apparently, almost ripped Donn's girlfriend's eyeballs out.

Gretchen says Vicki's not sincere in what she says. "Correct," Vicki replies. But she's not a hypocrite. Minus 10.

Vicki says she's told Brooks to "get his sh*t together" regarding his child support issues and reveals that she's known him for five years and wrote a letter to the judge to get him out of jail when he was tossed into the clink for not paying. Juicy!

She just can't seem to grasp how hypocritical she's been with Slade and Brooks' similar situations. Minus 15.

Phony-gate 2012 is upon us.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Alexis feels like the women ganged up on her, which is probably true. And Heather said "maligned" again. Alexis still doesn't know what it means. Tamra said her blow-up at her coffee date with Alexis was the result of Alexis pushing her into it. And then Alexis called Tamra bitter and old.

Gretchen says she warned Alexis that Phony-gate was coming when they were on the plane ride over to Costa Rica and then Alexis tells Andy that Gretchen's lying about her hair extensions. Because those two things are related. Minus 3.

Vicki says she'd never want anyone to "gang bang" Tamra. So that's good.

Heather accuses Alexis of being rude to the crew and department store employees. And then Tamra shouts "You are PSYCHOTIC, JESUS JUGS." And I died. Plus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: -3. SEASON TOTAL: -364.

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THIS is ALL Tamballs DOING--stringing everyone in her dirty streak of vile mouth and setting each one to humiliation. Know why? She's got nothing going with her life. See that eedee she's doing soft porn w/? He's so preoccupied w/ appearing to be a 'hot?' whipping boy bcoz he is just and errand boy!!!
So done w/ the o 2 the c. Andy C. has to have a conscience MRI...
Buh bye.

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When I see the orange county housewives I feel sick and get palpitations thanks to the snakes Heather, Gretchen and the piece of scum Tamra, Vicky and Alexis are real women with normal behavior. I hope the producer take out of the casting the three snakes Heather, Gretchen and the evil bitch Tamra. If Heather has a lot of money Why she didn't hire a security officer to watch her stupid ugly cake? Heather and Tamra makes me sick really really really!

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Leslie, if you think Vicky is 'a good person and a good mother', you are seriously deluded. Vicky has been the worst of the worst since season 1!

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Heather is the biggest bitch yet! She really does think she is so cool, but she is a stuck up pig! "Sarah broke off a piece of my cake and ate it?" (mouth open shocked look). What a total drama queen! Is the cake going to be bronzed or will it be EATEN, you frigging moron!
Tamra is still as big a liar and troublemaker as ever....., Vicky is a total Drama queen (and idiot), Alexis is simply dumb, and Gretchen has turned out to be the ONLY sane person on the whole show!

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If heather takes on the next season. I hope then that vicki and Alexis start their new raalty show. Sarah should join the group.
Well leave all the haters out. Reminder , Heather , You need to bring it way down and change your attitude. Got it ? Eager beaver.

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Eddie , Tamara's fiance. Doesnt say anything .Lets her behave however she wants. Is he just here to be on the show and collect a check? He has not once voiced his opinion Tamara says she's in love. I dont beleive she knows what that means. Eddie is just there to fill the void. And I never see her with her kids!!! in this show. At least Brooks is involving himself in the conversation. Also did Heather have check implants and botox work done? She did say shes 98% real. Terry feels that he can mock people because he does plastic on people! I hope Jim never wastes his time with phonies anymore. As for Slade his goal is to shout, IM DEBT FREE!?

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Little eager beaver Heather seems to talk way too much. When your new you listen more and speak less. She reminds me of a nanny cam stirring about. Ease dropping on other people's conversation. Lets talk about that ' get up' house of yours. I would never want to live there. But you wanted to show it off to everyone how "duchess' you are. When in the the Housewives reunion show, you claim you like all the girs and yet you blast off to Alexis. Terry had NO business making a rude statement of Alexis. You,Heather wants to delegate so you can look good on the show The shows dynamics is on Vicki and Alexis . NOT YOU OR PRINCESS LITTLE PONY OR PEKINESE TAMARA. SO YOU NEED TO TALK IS WAY DOWN, DOWNTOWN.

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I love you all. You're all wonderful. Keep it up. Thanks

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They are all drama queens, and Andy is the biggest drama queen of all. I agree 100% with the reader who said he has to go. He gives me the creeps...smarmy, annoying, sleazy and so much more...

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i am beginning to think these women are not the only phony-baloney thing about this show. the editing on this show makes them all appear like shrews. it is impossible that alexis is so stupid. did you see her face when heather used the word "cerebral"?? classic deer in headlights look. vicki really is to be pitied.
she is so jealous of anyone having more. she goes thru friends like u change clothes. first season her bf's are laurie and jeana. then we move on to tamara and now we are throwing away friends and her children for some smarmy geezer. i still want don to get spousal support from her. he deserves it after years of living with her.cant wait til part 2.