The Real Housewives of New York City Season Five Premiere Recap: A New New York

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The Real Housewives of New York City kicked off season five with a new crew as half the originals are out and a new group of catty housewives introduced themselves.

We'll break down the feuds, both old and new, in THG's +/- recap!

We're quickly introduced to mother of four Aviva Drescher, widow and author Carole Radziwill, and new resident mean girl and shapewear diva Heather Thomson.

The Real Housewives of NY Season 5 Cast

Plus 10 for throwing the newbies into the deep end at Sonja Morgan's party to see if they could swim. Do any of them have what it takes to survive in these shark infested waters?

Aviva's definitely the nicest of the bunch but how long will it last? It seems they all find their inner mean girl before long.

Plus 20 for the look on Sonja's face when Aviva pulled her spare prosthetic leg out of a bag to get a pedicure. I can't blame Sonja for being shocked. If Aviva wouldn't have said she was missing part of her leg from a childhood accident I never would have known.

Carole's story was interesting even if she did come off a little bland. But Minus 7 to Aviva when Carole told her her husband died of cancer. Aviva's response, "I hate cancer."

Is there anyone who loves it? 

But you can set these two women aside and hand Heather the prize for jumping into the middle of the bitchy brigade. Plus 15 for showing us the real Heather right from the get go. 

Of course she's got a ways to go before she reaches the true bitch potential of our resident housewives. 

Can someone tell Luann that this is a new season and she needs to find a new feud? Minus 8 for dredging up old news.

She's still angry at Ramona's comments about her parenting skills, so much so that she drags Ramona off to a corner to ask for an apology in the middle of Sonja's party.

Plus 11 to Ramona for standing her ground. She doesn't regret what she said so she's not apologizing for anything.

If only the false bravado didn't give her heart palpitations. Poor Aviva wondered if she was having a heart attack. Oh, the new girls have so much to learn.

Luann's not the only one gunning for Ramona. The pushy blond doesn't seem to have a friend in Heather. The two women continually try to one up one another so much that it's sort of comical but Minus 7 to Heather for making fun of Ramona's The Learning Annex cover.  That's a serious mean girl move.

Of course Mario and Ramona could use a refresher course in making your guest feel comfortable as they jump all over Heather for interrupting them during their conversation. Minus 8. That was just rude.

I had no love for Heather. She uses her endless supply of sad stories to one up everyone. Her dad died on Friday (She certainly didn't look broken up over it), her son had a liver transplant when he was born (How many people did she tell that story to in under under an hour?), and her friend went blind. 

Don't get too close to Heather. Bad things happen.

But it was the bossy, know-it-all attitude that annoyed me the most. Minus 10. When she started a lecture on the effects of tequila I was with Ramona. Just shut up and drink the damn thing already.

Luann is certainly not to be out done in the drama department. She calls all the newbies to lunch and drops in just long enough to accuse Ramona of threatening her family before she flies off again to drop her bombshells somewhere else.

Since the conversation in question took place off camera, it's hard to say how much is the truth and how much is just good Housewives theater.

And did anyone else wonder what the drunken, passed out kid on Luann's lawn have to do with any of it? Is there more to that story we should know?

In the one and a half hour premiere the lines are already being drawn and the claws are being sharpened. How long before this new set of housewives turn into the back stabbing divas we've grown to love to hate?

My guess…not long at all.

EPISODE TOTAL: +16!

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LOVED Carols comment that Loo-Ann's drop-in at lunch was like a drive-by shooting... She hit the nail on the head!!!

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Aviva is adorable. Carol is a cunt. Who bites the hand that feeds you? Really? Annoyed that someone related to your book? What a twat. Heather is the most horrid woman ever. She is a swamp donkey, Beaten shitless with the fugly stuck and horrid. Probably blew her way to the bottom of the fashion rung. I'm sure she has a lot if rug burn scars on her knees. God, I'd almost rather hear Luann sing like a drunk doing karaoke for an hour than hear any of Carol or Heathers thoughts.

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The season premiere of rhony was awful. Do we really need more women with long stringy hair who do not dress age appropriately? I had to turn it off after the first thirty minutes. These women are the most vapid, shallow bunch of the lot...and that's saying something considering who they are being compared against. Complete disaster.