The Real Housewives of New York City prove yet again that you can dress them up but you can't take them out. "Say What You Mean, Just Don't Say it Mean" gave everyone a chance to shine. Too bad no one actually did.
We break down all of the fake smiles, fake friendships, and fake breasts in this week's official THG +/- recap!
Heather, Aviva and their husbands meet up for a fancy dinner on the town to get to know one another better. That sounds civil enough. That's until Heather breaks out with how well she knows Aviva's ex-husband. Apparently it's well enough that she knows he slept with both Luann and Sonja!
Minus 10. Is this really appropriate dinner conversation? Nothing like talking about your friend's ex's sex life to put her at ease.
But they also talked religion where Heather announces that although she's never officially converted to Judaism, she considers herself Jewish by injection for how long she's slept with her Jewish husband. Groan. Minus 8.
Aviva earns a Plus 11. When her hubby asks what's the worst that can go wrong when he goes dirt biking for the first time, Aviva responds with, "Yeah honey. You could lose a leg and we can match." I know it's a bit morbid but it made me laugh.
Just when I thought this dinner would be the most awkward affair of the night, we move on to a meeting that's even worse.
Luann and Ramona meet up to "clear the air." Somehow clearing the air has become code for I'd like to rip your throat out but I can't do it on camera.
Minus 15 because really, must they fake hug every time they meet? Ladies, we know you hate one another. Why bother?
Ramona tells Luann she's sick of her snide, condescending remarks. Luann completely ignores the sentiment. Minus 5.
Luann accuses Ramona of threatening and blackmailing her during a recent phone call. Ramona does that thing where her eyes bug out and looks like she has no idea what Luann is referring too.
OK, so who thinks Ramona was drunk on Pinot when she made that phone call?
But Minus 10 because with all of these damn cameras, why weren't we privy to this phone conversation? We're just left to choose a side about who is telling the truth.
Oh, and is anyone else tired of Luann crying about raising her kids as a single mother? Most single mothers I know don't get to hop scotch around the world with their French boyfriend while the live in nanny takes care of the kids. If I have to hear Luann lament over how difficult her life is one more time I might scream. Minus 12.
I'll throw Ramona a Plus 10 for always being…Ramona. She might be nuts but she's generally not fake. She tells Luann she can't think of a thing she likes about her and admits that her mouth has no filter.
And then somehow these two woman who openly can't stand one another are hugging again and agreeing to start over. Minus 13 because you know if they weren't contractually obligated to speak from time to time they'd be done with one another for good.
Later, Luann goes home to find out that Noel is close to failing French and math. The kid claims his French teacher has a horrible accent and it makes it difficult to learn. Plus 10 to Jacque who quips, "What's the accent of the math teacher?" Very funny.
Luann's upset because she just doesn't need one more thing on her plate. I believe this is what's called parenting. Fifteen year olds screw up and yes, sometimes a parent needs to be the homework police. How come Jacque's the one jumping in to help out?
Speaking of different parenting styles, we get a glimpse into Aviva's mannerly family dinner and Heather's free range affair. Heather believes in the freedom of children.
Apparently that includes the right to bear arms, or should I say steak knives against their siblings, not to mention the ability to disrupt the other patrons dining experience. Minus 8. If I see Heather and her kids in a restaurant, I'm leaving before they stab me with something.
But enough about the kids. Instead we head out to do some shopping with Carole and Aviva.
Plus 12 because Carole certainly doesn't lack anything in the self esteem department. Her cougar claws are plenty sharp when she sees the hot guy in the store.
He's probably 10 to 15 years her junior but she's not the least bit phased. Unfortunately he's already dating a model. Time to move on to the next conquest.
Of course I couldn't say much for her taste in clothes. That leopard jumpsuit is hideous. I'm with Aviva on this one. It's less high fashion and more Halloween costume.
Then finally we get to visit with Sonja who's shaking her boobs at some contractor and announcing her assistant will be going in for a boob job soon.
Plus 8 because I'd pay money to know what those guys said after then left her house. Did they think she was just that easy, a complete nut job, or both.
Later, Sonja's a presenter at the GLAAD awards but never hears her cue and holds up the show as she heads to the stage late.
While the other housewives are embarrassed, Sonja's hardly phased. That's just so Sonja. Plus 8 because it's good know that some things don't change.
EPISODE TOTAL -22! SEASON TOTAL: -6!