The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: True Love, True Lies

by at . Comments

On this week's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, "True Love, True Lies," we saw plenty of both as the gang partied both in Chicago and down at the Shore.

We break down all the love, laughs, and lies in THG's +/- recap!

Teresa is on the cover of yet another magazine?!? But really, is anyone shocked. If Teresa's in this for any reason it's certainly the fame…and the money. 

Plus 10 because the most amusing part is that no one can stop talking about the puppy. There on the cover of In Touch magazine is canine phobic Teresa with a cuddly pup. Of course it wasn't her idea.

RHONJ Stars

The celebrity news magazine brought the adorable pooch along for the photo shoot. Maybe they were trying to soften Teresa's slightly tarnished image.

In the article Teresa claims her friends bully her because of her financial problems. Minus 8. Teresa never met a dollar she couldn't spend. It certainly doesn't look like she's buying the kid's clothes at Walmart. 

But who needs money when you've got love. Unfortunately we were treated to Teresa trying to give Joe a wake up call in Chicago which included a shot of the lube they used on their bedside table.

Did we really need to see that? Minus 15. Then Joe mentions giving himself his own wake up call. That's just way too much information.

As if that weren't enough we got a lovely glimpse into some romantic pillow talk between Joe and Teresa…

Joe: "Your breath smells ilke hot dogs from last night."
Teresa: "My breath smells like your hot dog."

If that doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy then I don't know what will. Minus 20 while I go find my toothbrush and try to burn that piece of dialogue from my brain.

But wait, it gets better. With rumors of Joe's cheating and their divorce swirling through the tabloids, Teresa has the perfect way fix things. The happy couple will be renewing their vows.

Plus 12. The Guidices can't even ring a doorbell without annoying people, I can't imagine how obnoxious their vow renewal ceremony will be. I'm laughing already and it hasn't even begun.

OK, let's move on to the actual real wedding which was absolutely beautiful. Plus 25. The ceremony was lovely and given the amount of sweat pouring through Jaime's purple shirt, I think he was having a good time at his reception. 

Teresa Giudice, Hat

I'm hard pressed to choose a favorite moment but it might be a tie between the butterflies and the lighted lanterns. I just hope the floating balls of flame weren't a fire hazard. That would definitely ruin the romance.

Plus 10 because although I thought the mandatory hat rule was silly at first, it turned out to be a lot of fun. Who had your favorite hat? I'm voting for Jacqueline.

Back in Jersey the Gorgas were throwing a rockin' party at their shore home. Plus 8 because at least they had the decency to warn the neighbors. 

Before things got out of hand Rich witnessed Joe text his sister one more time asking for them to get help with their problems. Then in true Jersey style he got covered in whip cream and jumped in the pool.

Teresa Giudice, of course sees no reason for therapy and Plus 6 because now even Jacqueline is beginning to realize how warped Teresa truly is. 

Oh, and we wouldn't want to miss the moments on the bus to and from the wedding…

What was Chris thinking inviting everyone on the bus to Napa. That's one Hell of a road trip. Can anyone else see disaster looming ahead?

And to close out the entire affair we have the stirring words of Joe Guidice as he yells out to his wife…"Tre, your tits are hanging out!"

Minus 13. Here's to keeping it classy with the folks from Jersey.

EPISODE TOTAL: +15! SEASON TOTAL: -73!

Tags: , , , , ,
Avatar

kathy and teresa best duo ever love kathys loyalty 2 her fam and sry jaquline clearly caroline has dirt on u cuz u clearly dnt wanna f*ck over teresa seems like carolines just being a bitter old dride up drity cu*nt haha but its w.e shell die soon and we can watch teresa the star of the show

Avatar

carolines an old c*nt act ur age grama death i no ur pathetic ass reads this sh*t karmas a bitch so have fun being mangeld cuz theres no way ur gonna not get away with this. by the dont let teresas actions get in the way of greg and albie getting married hahahahahahahbahahah

Avatar

Actually, Caroline's husband works unlike Tre's husband. Albert is the smart one because he stays out of the drama!

Avatar

Actually, Caroline's husband works unlike Tre's husband. Albert is the smart ome because he stays out of the drama!

Avatar

@maggie... They scheduled the wedding last minute and the manzos run a whole business... Also the season is only a few days of film... It's not like they are around 24/7, filming is scheduled... Why do you think these women always have clean houses and their make up and hair done... The filming is scheduled.

Avatar

Caroline is also not in foreclosure or filing bankruptcy dummy.

Avatar

Is"nt funny how Don Carolines husband can never make it to any family functions, but everyone else can? Even Tre & Joe who have 4 kids made it and Jacqueline has kids so whats his excuse " i had to work " thats a bunch of shit and we all know it. I guess thats why he keeps buying her stuff so she shuts her big mouth for awhile. I guess he loves his work more then his family. but according to Don Caroline "family is so important "so ugh ,look around Caroline yours is never there! So instead of ragging on Theresa worry about why your husband is never around.

Avatar

you forgot to mention the part when joe said it was the best wedding he went to