The Bachelorette Recap: Making Her List, Czech-ing It Twice

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Six roses. Four dudes. Things are getting serious on The Bachelorette.

After the past two weeks saw villains Ryan Bowers and Kalon McMahon dispatched by Emily Maynard, were there any more fireworks in store this evening?

Who succeeded in wooing our beloved single mom from North Carolina, and who failed to make the final cut before next week's coveted hometown dates?

Follow this link for a rundown of The Bachelorette spoilers we know thus far, including the (alleged) final three. Then read on for THG's official +/- recap!

Emily and John

First, Prague is on my bucket list now. Beautiful city. Plus 4.

Our Southern Belle Emily Maynard walks the streets of Prague, sans daughter Ricki, musing about the hometown dates. Hostman Chris Harrison tells the guys this week is important because next week are hometown dates. Jef with one F tells us he's really hoping he gets a hometown date next week. We get it. Hometown dates are important. Minus 3.

Of the six guys, three of them will get a one-on-one date with Emily this week. The first date goes to Arie Luyendyk Jr., probably because Emily wants to kiss him (loudly) a few more times. His jacket has elbow patches. Minus 3.

Emily thinks it's shady that Arie hasn't told her about his relationship with Cassie the producer. His failure to disclose his past relationship with someone in Emily's inner circle is disloyal somehow to her.

Chris decides to set the record straight about the rumors regarding Arie and Cassie and introduces a segment of Cassie interviewing Emily about Arie.

Cassie says it's no big deal, it was a long time ago, blah blah blah. Emily says the fact that they dated is no big deal. It's the fact that nobody told her that they knew each other that's the problem.

Emily probes Arie to see if he'll spill the beans about his relationship to Cassie. The deep dark secret he's hiding? He had a tattoo of an ex-girlfriend's name (a different Cassie) on his arm but he's had it covered up now. Minus 12.

Emily, Arie, and Cassie all sat down, off camera, to discuss this relationship. Arie said he didn't think his relationship with Cassie Lambert mattered, which is why he didn't tell her. Emily realizes that her feelings for Arie haven't been affected by this revelation. They kiss some more at dinner. A lot more. Plus 10.

Back at the house, the other guys all wonder what Arie and Emily are doing. Doug says they're probably just having dinner somewhere cool. Sure, Doug, that's all.

Emily and Arie Kiss

John gets the next one-on-one date. Chris says it's killing him inside that he's not getting dates. Minus 4 for melodrama.

Arie tells Emily that when they were in Croatia, he realized something. He loves her. Plus 20.

And then they kiss some more. And then there are actual fireworks.

John and Emily go on a date and paint on the Lennon wall. Emily says she likes him as a person, but she doesn't know how she feels about him romantically. So they put their initials on a padlock that signifies eternal love and try to fasten it on a wall in Prague. But the lock won't stay fastened. Symbolic lock, yes? John's not the one. Minus 3.

Chris is "driving himself crazy" sitting at the house. So crazy he has to drink. He's on edge. DUDE, you're in PRAGUE. Stop whining and go see something cool! Minus 12.

Emily's still confused about John, so she takes him to dinner in a dungeon. Didn't she take him to dinner in a cave already this season? John's ex-girlfriend cheated on him, so now he's not a starter. He's a closer.

Chris is still whining about how he didn't get another one-on-one date. Still. He's not getting the third one-on-one either. Because it's a group date with Sean and Doug as his wingmen.

Sean just has to see kiss Emily, so he goes running around the city of Prague looking for her. Plus 3.

Conveniently, there's a table for two at a quaint little cafe. Conveniently. Minus 2.

Sean, Doug, Chris, and Emily explore dungeons and towers and Doug makes a toast to her gracious nature. She's concerned about their chemistry. I'm concerned about their chemistry.

Chris Bukowski Picture

Doug's grazes Emily's leg with his hand and loses his train of thought completely. He says he's a slow mover and he really wants to kiss her. So then he does. And it's the most awkward kiss in the history of the show. Minus 10.

Doug's going home now.

There's a little more room on the group date without Doug there. Emily gives Sean and Chris each a key. Sean's key opens the door. Chris is going to go whine some more, I'm sure.

Jef with one F gets the final date in Prague.

Chris finally gets some alone time with Emily and the first thing he wants to know is why he hasn't had a one-on-one date with her. She says something about giving him back his confidence and then gives Sean the rose. Plus 4.

Chris is pissed off over not getting the rose. Temper, temper, Chris. Minus 7.

Emily thinks Jef would make a great dad since he's a big kid himself. Emily, honey, the last thing you want is a grown kid to take care of. Minus 3.

They go to a marionette shop and after buying two marionettes, Jef leaves Emily standing in the street. He has to go back and buy a marionette for Ricki. Plus 15.

Emily and Jef go to a library to play with their puppets. And Jef uses his puppet to tell Emily's puppet that the puppet is beautiful and that his puppet is "100...1 million percent in love" with it. I...plus? minus? I can't decide. 

They sit on a blanket in the middle of a library and talk about the hometown date. One thing Jef's got going for him? He's from a big family and Emily's ovaries are on overdrive. Plus 5.

Jef broke up with his last girlfriend because his parents didn't like her. No pressure, Emily.

Again, they're in the middle of a library. Making out and talking about marriage. In a library. Does Emily read?

Emily Maynard's Hair

It's time for another cocktail party and Chris is near tears. The person he was yesterday isn't the person he is and he believes in them. And man tears. All he wants is a few minutes to talk to Emily. Minus 18.

She's decided to skip the cocktail party and go straight to the Rose Ceremony. Chris looks like he's about to puke. Or punch something.

Sean's headed to a hometown date next week thanks to the rose that Chris didn't get. Jef gets the first rose of the ceremony. Arie gets the second. 

Chris pipes up and says he just has to talk to her, so they take a walk into the next room where he man blubbers while she looks on in doe-eyed wonder. Minus 2.

His man tears worked. Chris got the final rose.

Going home:

  • Doug (cut loose on the group date)
  • John "Wolf" (no rose)

Sean, Arie, Jef, and Chris are taking Emily home to meet their families on next week's hometown dates.

EPISODE TOTAL: -18 SEASON TOTAL: +124.

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Most of last night's new episode of the Bachelorette was so blah blah blah blah. That wuss-filled Arie should have gone home last night and NOT Doug and John. Arie is so annoying and looks like he always has something to hide. And, besides...annoyance and secrecy=MAJOR ROMANCE KILLERS!!!!! And that so-called puppet show was so fucking stupid!!!!! If I was that librarian, I would have thrown Jef and Emily out of there for acting so damn lame. At this point, Chris is such a blubbering train-wreck. To me, Sean is the most REAL ONE on there. Since next week's new episode is all about Emily meeting Arie, Chris, Jef and Sean's families, 2 words people...DRAMATIC FIREWORKS!!!!! LOL!!!!! Until next week...Peace.

Carol-worth

This entire season makes me gag. I'm so annoyed at myself for watching! Give me a break! This girl has absolutely ZILCH going for her. ("I know, right?") She is phony with a capital "P." The guys are blah. Jef (one "f") is still a child. Arie (obviously, the "Winner,") seems to have one *thing* on his mind, and we all know how long THAT will last!) Sean is too "nice" (and, borrrr-ing). And, Chris is an "accident waiting to happen." This girl needs to get her hair "re-touched," drop the spray tan, go back home to NC, go back to school and learn how to read and write; and (please...for her own sake) get "real." Next season (if there IS one), producers, PLEASE give us a more believable, and more intelligent, "Bachelorette."

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Chris continues to show his lack of maturity. He certainly seems like a nice young man but I would not feel that he is ready for marriage and fatherhood. If he had time to grow before becoming a parent...

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