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Tonight on The Real Housewives of Orange County Heather and Terry throw a party and one of the housewives brings a party-crasher as her date.

How did that turn out in part one of the two-part finale?

Find out right here in THG’s official +/- recap!

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Tamra meets Heather and Gretchen for dinner to show off her new bling and tell the story. She called Heather from Bora Bora. She didn’t call Gretchen. Minus 12.

And minus 3 for those giant blue feather earrings Gretchen’s wearing.

Tamra thought Gretchen would be upset, but Gretchen’s happy for her. Plus 10. Mostly happy at least. There’s that whole “Tamra just signed her divorce papers” thing.

Tamra hasn’t been able to get in touch with Vicki because Vicki’s spending all her time with Brooks. Ew.

Alexis meets up with Sarah and tells her about Phony-gate. Apparently, Alexis is just nice. And nice means phony now in Alexis Land. And in the real world “nice” means “nice” and “phony” means Alexis. Minus 8.

Sarah says the other women are just jealous. And then she says Heather’s had too much Botox. And then Alexis invites Sarah to be her wingwoman at Heather’s party and all I see is Sarah starting drama. Minus 5.

 
It’s party day at Heather’s house. She’s celebrating her name change. And giving somebody a diamond in a champagne glass. Plus 20.

Vicki’s heard Eddie and Tamra are engaged and she thinks it’s too soon. Considering she’s technically still married and in a relationship with Brooks, she’s not one to talk. Minus 12.

Brooks bought her a fur. Poor, poor baby rabbits and foxes and small woodland creatures. Minus 52.

This will be Vicki’s first time seeing Briana since their fight. Cue more drama!

Tamra’s suspicious of Brooks, too. She and Briana should hook up and compare notes.

Alexis and Sarah isn’t at all nervous about going to Heather’s house. She plans to demand apologies from the women if any of them bring up Costa Rica. Good luck with that, Alexis.

At Chateau Dubrow, party prep is in full swing. This is going to be a swanky affair. Plus 20.

Terry wonders if Alexis will confront either of them about Terry’s comments. Heather says that would be “wildly inappropriate.” Alexis, in her conversation with Sarah, seems to agree. She’s going to let Jim handle it at lunch. But Sarah plans to call the doctor onto the carpet. In his own home. When she’s a guest of a guest. Minus 15.

This Sarah girl is just all sorts of ballsy.

Sarah was entirely uninvited to the party and Heather’s kind of surprised to see her. But, ever the lady, she invites Sarah to get a cocktail. Plus 5.

Something tells me Sarah shouldn’t drink though. I think it’ll be like feeding Gizmo after midnight–Gremlins.

Vicki cannot shut up about her new fur and how Brooks bought it.

Briana shows up and Vicki pretends their fight never happened. Must be nice in the Land of Denial.

Sarah walks herself right into the kitchen to start munching on whatever food she finds. Alexis follows her to the bathroom and says “Your eyes look a little drunk. Maybe we should sip water.” Maybe that’s the best idea Alexis has had all season. Plus 15.

Jeana’s here as a guest of Gretchen and Slade. Tamra’s not excited. In fact, she seems downright scared.

Vicki, however, is happy to have her there if for no other reason than to show off her new coat. AGAIN. And, of course, shock them with her tale of how Briana deprived her of her mother of the bride duties by eloping. AGAIN. Minus 57.

Kara, Jeana’s daughter, brought a poncho to the party, just in case Tamra decides to throw more glasses of wine. Plus 4 for being prepared.

Tamra, Kara, and Jeana talk and Tamra cries “please just be my friend again.” She ain’t too proud to beg, y’all.

Alexis should’ve kept better tabs on Sarah’s alcohol intake. Sarah “has a sugar problem” so she helps herself to a piece of the bow from Heather’s cake. Then she calls Heather fake and pretentious and Alexis tells Heather she’s overreacting.

Except Sarah’s a sloppy drunk and she’s rude and disgusting to boot.

EPISODE TOTAL: -90! SEASON TOTAL: -265!

Next week on the season finale, Tamra and Briana DO compare notes on Brooks and things get ugly between Tamra and Vicki. Finally.