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This just in: Kristen Stewart is absolutely, positively, 100% not pregnant.

Nor is she planning to adopt a child with Robert Pattinson.

Nevertheless, according to the latest issue of OK! Weekly, it’s baby time, people!!!

The tabloid anonymously quotes no one of relevance and reports that the “new Twilight movie convinced [Robsten] not to wait,” which is unexpected… considering Breaking Dawn Part 2 is centered around a half-human/half-vampire child who pretty much incites World War 3.

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Are you buying anything at all about this cover story? Has Rob actually penned a lullaby for the imaginary kid? Would Kristen be a natural mother?

And will Taylor Lautner be destined to fall in love with the baby?