The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Third Eye Blind

The Real Housewives of New Jersey celebrated the Summer Solstice by trying to open up their third eye chakra on last night's episode. Yeah, we don't know what that means either but we break it all down here in THG's +/- recap!

Teresa is excellent ... at placing blame. On taking responsibility, not so much.

First off she's still upset about her husband's black eye which of course is all Richie's fault. Minus 12. I'm sure poor Joe was just an innocent bystander in that scuffle.

Who is she kidding? But in usual Teresa fashion she can't let it go. She even tells Rich he could have poked his eye out. 

Joe's a big boy. I'm sure he can fight his own battles.

Of course it's hard to tell who has the brains in the Guidice family. We know Joe's had at least one DWI, then was caught driving with a suspended license, and finally took someone else's ID to try and get a new license. Minus 15.

Somehow the guy can always find a way to make a bad situation worse.

Teresa cries about what's being said in magazine articles about her and her family but even Jacqueline realizes that Teresa's making her own problems there so Plus 8. She agreed to do the interview and I'm sure she got paid handsomely for it. Now she's crying?

While everyone's down the shore their problems simmer under the surface. The kids look like the only ones having fun but they're also allowed to run wild.

Kathy seems to only one to worry about the little ones playing around the water. And then we see the kids running in the street. Oye. Minus 10 because it looks like a disaster waiting to happen.

As Gia is seen screaming with fists clenched as she tries to discipline little terror, Milania, I wonder where she learned that behavior from?

But back to Teresa. The minute she hears that Caroline is going through menopause she decides that's the reason she's been such a bitch to her. Of course it has nothing to do with anything Teresa's done. Minus 9.

Back home, Caroline tries to encourage Lauren in her weight loss goal and the girl is looking thinner despite snarky comments from her brothers. Plus 10.

But Lauren's got some real self esteem issues. She seems to think making lots of money and being thin will help that. I don't think Lauren needs money as much as she needs to get out on her own and stand on her own two feet, without her family coddling her.

Then we're off to the Summer Solstice party where everyone wears white and hopes to cleanse the bad energy. Ha! 

I have to mention, if Melissa's outfit got any shorter she might have gotten cited for indecent exposure. I think those were shorts, sort of. At least she's got the legs for it so Plus 10.

Jacqueline keeps trying to play mediator between Teresa and Melissa and quite literally throws the two together. Plus 8 for having good intentions but it's true. The road to Hell is paved with them.

First Teresa walks away because Melissa brought up that her husband went to jail. Is this some big secret? No but apparently there's special Jersey code that she failed to use. No one is supposed to mention jail or prison.

The correct protocol is to say that he went away. Minus 12. How sad is it that this is common enough in their lives to have a set of rules for discussing it.

When Teresa storms off, Jacqueline follows but Teresa's upset that Melissa didn't chase after her. She is such a drama queen.

When Melissa gets dragged out there again, she finally tells Teresa how ticked off she is that she's running around basically saying that Melissa's a cheater. Plus 8 for finally calling out the elephant in the room. 

But Teresa's not about to apologize. She's heard it from people. I always love the mysterious people reference as if that excuses anything she's said.

Then Teresa blames her brother for telling Melissa in the first place. Minus 7. As if he wasn't going to tell his wife!  But then again I wonder how much Teresa's husband hides from her.

If Jacqueline thinks she can fix any of this she's completely naive and she's probably going to have to pick a side in this war soon. 

Unfortunately we never even get to the psychic readings. And Kathy wonders how things got so bad. The party had its own fairies for goodness sake.

So do you think Teresa's so fixated on Melissa cheating on Joe because she worries about her brother or is she just distracting herself from the fears that her own husband is cheating on her.  What are the odds?

Just another party in Jersey.

EPISODE TOTAL: -21! SEASON TOTAL: -132!