The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Drowning Pool

Here comes the drama.

Hanging out by the pool. Doesn't that sound relaxing? Yes, unless you're on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Then it's pretty much the exact opposite.

Then you'll probably need a stiff drink to get through an afternoon in the sun.

We recap all the fussing, feuding, and name calling in our THG's +/- recap!

How can you not love Caroline's mock phone call between Teresa and Joe? It was hilarious. Plus 10. 

And why does Caroline think Teresa hates Melissa. Because "she's a better, younger version" of Teresa. Plus 8. That sounds about right.

But as everyone else is discussing Teresa's behavior, Teresa is telling her husband her version of the Solstice party and Joe has some definite opinions.

First, Melissa is a horse-face, gold digging tramp. Caroline is boring. Rosie's a butchy boy, and the idiot cousin (I can only assume he means Kathy ... no offense to Kathy) looks like a frog. 

Joe Guidice certainly has an opinion about everyone but the scariest is the one he holds about himself. He tells Teresa he's the powerhouse and she doesn't need anyone else. Minus 12. What happens when they haul his sorry butt off to jail again?

Oh, and Teresa says her brother is a little pansy for telling his wife about their conversation. How can you not love family?

But Teresa's not just sitting around bad mouthing her family. She's off to Jacqueline's for some gossip and a session with personal trainer Jolene. 

Why does Jolene have an open bottle of wine in her bag?  I've never known a trainer her brought her own cocktails. Minus 7. Besides, you should never hire a personal trainer who shows up wearing that much makeup to workout.

On a side note, was anyone else blinded by the amount of bling on Teresa's phone. Minus 5. My eyes are still watering.

Let's leave the train wreck that is Teresa for a bit to visit with Caroline's family.

It almost made me sick to think that Chris was buying an $80,000 car. It disturbed me so much that I was grateful when Albert gave Caroline the Jag as her anniversary present. Plus 7.

But it wasn't the overpriced car that earns them the big points. Plus 20 for walking us down memory lane at The Brownstone. Looking back at their first years living over the restaurant and raising their new family was so sweet. These two truly love one another 27 years later.

Unfortunately, the Teresa free zone doesn't last long. Kathy invites the entire gang over for the end of the school year party. 

Plus 12 to Rich for warning the kids not to invite their friends. He can see the warning signs ahead and he's getting the innocents out of the way.

Caroline and Jacqueline both bail and plus 10 for Joe Guidice not showing up. That truly would have been a nightmare.

For some reason Kathy thinks she can be the glue that will bring the Guidices and the Gorgas back together. Minus 12. Oh honey, let it go.

Teresa and her brother have a mini summit as Melissa runs around after the kids. Teresa tells Joe he's no longer her brother because of what he's done. She wants him to be the old Joe. The one that always put her first and spent lots of time at her house.

Hmm…uh, what part of being married and having kids doesn't Teresa get. Minus 15. The man has a wife and a family yet she seems to think he should be his priority. Oye.

He's just the meanest brother ever! 

Unfortunately Gorga ruins the moment by telling her he's an angel from God. Apparently low self esteem isn't a problem in this family.

I think that's enough pool time. It's going to be a long, hot summer in Jersey.

EPISODE TOTAL: +16! SEASON TOTAL: -116!