The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: All Pomp, No Circumstance

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Last night saw The Real Housewives of Atlanta griping, grousing, and falling asleep in their seats. Let's break down the drama, or lack thereof, in our THG's +/- recap!

Before we get to the event the ladies wished they'd brought their pillows to, let's start from the beginning. Kim and Cyndi meet for lunch to hash out this Africa mess.

Minus 15. I had hoped that last week's confrontation in the parking lot would have put the South Africa debacle to bed forever. No such luck.

Lunch is ... awkward.

ZZZZZZZZ

Cyndi feels that they've never really been friends and don't know one another and since Kim seems to say whatever she wants, why can't Cynthia. Kim thinks that Cynthia is totally under NeNe's thumb.

So how did we get from that to hugging? I'm still not sure. Kim's a little afraid that Cynthia's going to whip out a friendship contract. Plus 5 because I can just picture it and that would have been funny. 

The ladies agree to double date with their husbands but Kim admits she doesn't mean a word of it and I can't believe that Cynthia does either. These two couples would have so much to talk about…NOT!

Meanwhile, NeNe's in LA rubbing elbows with the stars. "I could possibly be a Hollywood actress," she beams. Minus 8. NeNe works as a reality star but what kind of actress would she make? I don't really want to think about it. 

But apparently NeNe's thought a lot about it. She's aiming for an Oscar. Aren't we all? I'll give her a Plus 10 for all of that confidence. Talent? Well, that's another story.

She manages to parade out Hollywood friend Steve Harvey and his wife who shows off her 25 karat ring. If this is suppose to impress me, it doesn't but it sure does NeNe. She wants this life.

But will Greg want it for his son? Probably not. Plus 5 because at least NeNe realizes she's got a fight on her hands. We'll have to wait and see how that one plays out.

Kroy Pic

Kroy heads over to Kim's parents and asks Joe for his blessing to marry his daughter. Plus 8 for doing things the old fashioned way….well, wait. They already have a baby. OK, Minus 5

Kandi takes a break from her country music to check out her adult toy line. The designers have done some interesting things. He's made everything look like makeup cases. Plus 7 because it really is clever but Kandi's a little too happy about seeing her "clit stick" come to life. She is determined to spread Happiness and Joy throughout the world.

Joe can't stop talking and it is just painful to watch. Minus 10. I almost wanted to change the channel. Kroy's probably the best thing to ever happen to Kim. Why can't Joe just say Thank God, and shut up?  

Cyndi's working on the great Bailey Agency Model search and Peter's her producer. Groan ... whenever Peter's in charge he gets so righteous and arrogant. Minus 7. Of course he's thrilled that Mal took a leave of absence. We'll see how these two do planning this event on their own but Cyndi needs to make some money quick. The rent's due next month.

Phaedra starts her apprenticeship at Willie Watkins' Funeral home and she up sells her first casket. Little does she know they didn't set her loose on the general public yet. That's a fake family she's selling to. Plus 9. I wish we got to see their written evaluation on Phaedra's performance. 

Later, Phaedra invites all of the ladies to a dinner honoring Willie. She asks them to wear their Sunday best and avoid their usual tight, skankilicious outfits. Plus 8 because it's so true. No one falls out of their tops more than these ladies from Atlanta.

Phae

Kandi pegs this as a Phaedra event. It's all pomp and circumstance and filled with church ladies. Kim wonders, loudly who Willie Watkins is and why the heck they're all here. Cyndi thinks the whole night is a waste of a decent outfit and a wig.

NeNe simply calls it extremely long and boring.

But Phaedra's in her glory when she finally takes the stage to announce that Willie has agreed to partner with her to open a new funeral home. Oh happy day.

Minus 8. Can we all go home now.

Kim couldn't wait. She drags Sheree outside before the dinner's over and flashes her left hand. Kroy finally popped the question. Off camera?!? Everything about these two has been on camera but we get shut out of the big moment. Minus 20

So finally we head to the big finale. Are you ready?

EPISODE TOTAL: -21! SEASON TOTAL: -390!

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Kim is a money sucking leach. I feel sorry for Kroy. He must not gotten "ANY" for a long time, before he met Ms. Big PaPa. Now He's really in it. He's so young & dum.

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Kim saved the big moment for her spin-off show that shows her wedding. I'm sure Bravo didn't want to show it off on this show. Kim's show will probably run when this season of Housewives is over.