Kim Kardashian Admits to Fake Marriage, Scripted Reality Show; Plans Year Away From the Spotlight

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I could no longer look at myself in the mirror.

So stated Kim Kardashian this morning in a stunning turn of events, as the reality star admitted her marriage to Kris Humphries was a money-making scam; agreed to pay her ex a $20 million settlement and then dropped a final bombshell on fans: she will avoid all red carpets and publicity opportunities for a year.

"I've been living a lie for too long," Kim said. "I bought Ray J that video camera. I read cue cards on E!. My manager calls the paparazzi any time I'm in a bikini. Heck, I can't even get dressed in the morning without my mom telling me what to wear."

Kim Kardashian on Rodeo Drive

Kardashian added that she and her sisters help tabloid editors come up with supposedly scandalous headlines, pushing sales of those magazine and then taking to their blogs to refute the rumors and garner sympathy from fans.

It's a circular tactic that Kim says she learned from former best friend Paris Hilton, adding:

"Those tabloids made money, their employees kept their jobs, my family came out as the victim. My Facebook followers even believed I was actually confiding in them. Everybody was winning... or so I thought. Turns out, my soul had been lost a long time ago."

Kim says she will donate all the money she's earned from Tweeting product names to those who tried QuickTrim because they believed it was a healthy weight loss supplement.

"Come on," she scoffed. "It's not even FDA approved. I'm a multi-millionaire with no real job. I lost all this weight because I had the time to work out and the money to pay a personal trainer."

It's taken a very long time, but THG applauds Kim Kardashian for finally telling the truth about all the fallacies in her life. We'd also like to say...

... Yeah, right.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!

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They need an epidode on her show where she goes to a health clinic.. DR:"Kim we are sorry to inform you that you have maggots in your rectum". Kim:Ive been with many black boys over the years.DR:"BINGO!" lmao!

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Holy crap!! You got me, THG!! I was so shocked, and then happy, thinking public lunacy would end with her confession. This has been the best April Fool's joke ever!

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The April Fool's Day headline is still in effect, earlier the red tag said to read more. For readers who are late coming on the scene, the early morning readers were teased because the red tag to read more has been displayed and removed (thus the joke). Either way you look at it, THG came up with a *Kaptivating story that have so far received at least 70 comments in 1 (April Fool's) day!!
P.S.
Considering the seriousness of following other stories in recent weeks, this headline (to me) is a welcomed relief. BRAVO!!

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read your own words, for someone to judge,hate,and wish harm on another,what else would it be motivated by,other then jealousy.
most people that can't stand another would not show any interest in that person what so ever,but listen to you, you are very interested, you followed this story to this post and angrily posted your hate.good job.you are what you say

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i seriously thought this was real.. it was written on point!!! good job here! fooled me! haha but it is the truth, she knows it deep down too. noone looses weight in the right places, she is fake looking and her personality is just as fake! yay reality tv ruining peoples lives by becoming self obsessed whore mongers

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Jealous? why do people who dislike someone who doesn't have talent and is making ridiculous amounts of money a hater? worshiping a souless cow like herself just shows how pitiful your life must be and how DESPERATE you are. so quit calling people who SEE IT like it is haters. someone has to tell the truth. this female kim is obviously making changes bc her reality show is loosing its edge and now is trying to have talent for acting. She couldn't make a home made porn, this girl has NO talent. useless cow, wish that flourbomb was a real BOMB

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SO STUPID!!!!!!!! Sad truth, it probably really is True!

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Please everybody should leave kim alone,kim is untrue to herself,i was not expecting anything less.

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What bunch of haters, bitches on this board, can't hold your jealously induced diarrhea come out of your ugly mouths,it's o.k maybe if your keep talking crap things will get better for you one day.