Kim Kardashian Admits to Fake Marriage, Scripted Reality Show; Plans Year Away From the Spotlight

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I could no longer look at myself in the mirror.

So stated Kim Kardashian this morning in a stunning turn of events, as the reality star admitted her marriage to Kris Humphries was a money-making scam; agreed to pay her ex a $20 million settlement and then dropped a final bombshell on fans: she will avoid all red carpets and publicity opportunities for a year.

"I've been living a lie for too long," Kim said. "I bought Ray J that video camera. I read cue cards on E!. My manager calls the paparazzi any time I'm in a bikini. Heck, I can't even get dressed in the morning without my mom telling me what to wear."

Kim Kardashian on Rodeo Drive

Kardashian added that she and her sisters help tabloid editors come up with supposedly scandalous headlines, pushing sales of those magazine and then taking to their blogs to refute the rumors and garner sympathy from fans.

It's a circular tactic that Kim says she learned from former best friend Paris Hilton, adding:

"Those tabloids made money, their employees kept their jobs, my family came out as the victim. My Facebook followers even believed I was actually confiding in them. Everybody was winning... or so I thought. Turns out, my soul had been lost a long time ago."

Kim says she will donate all the money she's earned from Tweeting product names to those who tried QuickTrim because they believed it was a healthy weight loss supplement.

"Come on," she scoffed. "It's not even FDA approved. I'm a multi-millionaire with no real job. I lost all this weight because I had the time to work out and the money to pay a personal trainer."

It's taken a very long time, but THG applauds Kim Kardashian for finally telling the truth about all the fallacies in her life. We'd also like to say...

... Yeah, right.



APRIL FOOL'S day, WOW, that worked.. HOOP de dooooo!! ha ha ha ha
Humor has MANY different COLORS... BRAVO!! Who ever wrote this article, better NOT quit their DAY JOB... of maybe get FIRED for being so SNIED.


I feel duped. I forgot it was April fools!!


Actually,this "joke" is actually not that far from the truth is it?
Why hide behind April Fool's Day????


I love my kimmie.


I waa so glad to hear it was a joke. U no these other websites will have a field day with this one.


Good one!!! To bad it's all true! ROTL


Oh kim does or says something AGAIN fell sorry 4 her


i can tell half of you idiots did not read the whole thing. IT IS A JOKE PEOPLE!!!


Oh my gosh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kim never said this!!!!!!!!!!! why? now I am sad, she should have said this


Wow Kim Kardashian, thanks for imforming your fans who you truly really are. I respect your honesty and you seem like a truly sweet person when you aren't doing secret business in the media. You are doing a very great thing donating your money, not that you have to, but you are generous and respected now. Have a great year.


Kim Kardashian Biography

A Kim Kardashian Selfie
Kim Kardashian is the ex-girlfriend of Nick Cannon, Reggie Bush and Ray J. She had intercourse on camera with the former, which is what... More »
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Kimberly Noel Kardashian

Kim Kardashian Quotes

So far, designing is the most exciting thing I’ve done... I have a vision of what I want [the clothes] to look like in my mind and it’s fun to see it come alive on paper.

Kim Kardashian

He just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s, like, his motto.

Kim Kardashian [on Barack Obama]