The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Big Hair and Bunco

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Last week, Slade bombed at comedy hour and Vicki’s daughter dropped a bomb: she may have cancer. This week? Bunco night. These women are getting wild and crazy, right?

Let’s check in with The Real Housewives of Orange County in THG’s +/- recap system!

Slade and Gretchen are in the car and Slade says this - comedy - is what he wants to do. That this just feels like the right thing. Gretchen says she thinks this is going to lead to a lot of fighting between them and she doesn’t want to be a part of it.

Slade and Gretchen

Slade agrees not to mention the girls. Gretchen sighs. Plus 5, Slade, for helping Gretchen make amends by setting boundaries with your comedy routine.

Tamra and Heather meet up for lunch to talk about the 80s themed Bunco night. Heather sees carbs on the table and reacts like they’re going to eat her. Minus 5.

Before their dishes are served, they both dish on the other women.

Tamra says she’s invited Alexis to Bunco night as a gesture of goodwill towards Gretchen and Heather tells Tamra that Alexis called herself a news anchor last week.

Tamra says her 12 year old is smarter than Alexis and pokes fun at Alexis’ giant boobs. Minus 5 for that thin attempt at “goodwill.” (Except it’s all true.)

Heather also tells Tamra about Slade’s evening at the Improv. She compliments Gretchen, and seems to mean it, so Plus 10 for that. Then bashes Slade’s poor attempts at comedy which were really just low blows against Gretchen’s friends and frienemies.

Tamra tries to blow off the fact that Slade compared her to the Michelin Man, but it’s clear that she’s bothered by his fat joke. Especially since she’s not fat.

Slade’s getting a Minus 25 for the sh!tstorm he’s caused for Gretchen.

Heather says what happened on the stage was, “at best, dumb.” Her advice? Make nice with Slade so he’ll back down. Plus 10 to Heather for having a rational, non-backstabbing thought.

Alexis is outside her doctor’s office. And by doctor, I mean plastic surgeon. Her husband was supposed to come with her, but he ditched her, so she phones Gretchen to tag along for support. Except Gretchen can’t come either. Minus 10 to Jim for ditching his wife. Except I guess he does have to work to pay for his wife’s upkeep.

Alexis is getting a nose job. Or a consult for a nose job. That is, if she can ever stop hyperventilating. The x-rays show she has legitimate issues with her sinuses, but when she says she’s wanted to get her nose done for 3 or 4 years, it’s clear she’d be doing this with or without an underlying medical condition.

Alexis Bellino Image

Gretchen and Alexis meet for coffee after Alexis’ consultation. Alexis demonstrates her inability to breathe through her nose and Gretchen says she’s jealous of Alexis’ inability to breathe because she’s always hated the bump on her own nose and would love an excuse to get rid of it.

Alexis acts appalled that Gretchen thinks she’s doing this for cosmetic reasons only and says she wouldn’t be getting the nose job if she didn’t have the sinus issues. Gretchen calls her on that in the one-on-one. Plus 10 to Gretchen.

Next, Alexis brings up the comedy club. She also compliments Gretchen. Plus 5, Alexis. Gretchen doesn’t want to be in the middle of the Slade-Housewives drama. But she is. Alexis says Gretchen needs to call Tamra and tell her what happened before it gets back to her.

Oops. Too late. Minus 5.

Vicki’s at the office and can’t get the fax machine to work. Neither can Danielle. She says she’s feeling distracted with everything that’s going on with the divorce and the business and Brianna. She snaps at Danielle for having a stuffy nose. Plus 5, Vicki. You’ve got a lot on your plate. Except carbs.

Slade comes in and Gretchen’s making the bed. Plus 5 for doing your own housework, Gretchen!

Slade’s got a proposition for her - his manager wants Gretchen to come to Vegas and do a show at the Pussycat Dolls venue. Gretchen seems excited about the opportunity and tells Slade he’s probably already committed her to do this.

As it turns out, he has. She’ll be singing “Fever” for her audition. Gretchen realizes that this is Slade’s way of getting out of the doghouse after the comedy club. Plus 10 to Gretchen for having her eyes wide open about this opportunity. Minus 10 to Slade for trying to change her focus so he doesn’t have to deal with the backlash from insulting the women.

Gretchen’s friend Victor comes over to help her put together an outfit for Bunco. Victor’s just as confused as everyone else is regarding the Gretchen-Tamra reunion. His mama always said “A leopard can’t change its spots.”

They continue planning a costume for Bunco. Gretchen says, “Is it hot as balls in here?”

Victor’s reply?

“It’s always hot in the closet.” Ba-dum-chhh!!! Plus 15 for the best one-liner of the night.

Tamra Photograph

Tamra calls. She knows about Slade’s performance at the Improv. Gretchen apologizes for Slade and says she doesn’t want to be in the middle of it, but she and Slade have already been in several fights about it. It’s clear Tamra doesn’t have a high opinion of Slade, but Gretchen doesn’t feel bad about the phone call and recognizes it for what it is - growing pains in her friendship with Tamra. Overall, the women seem to have worked that out, at least on the surface. Plus 10 for being adult-ish.

Tamra takes Vicki coffee to see how she’s doing. Vicki’s really worried about Brianna and Tamra starts to cry. She offers to bring food, but Vicki says no one’s eating and that she’ll never be skinny enough for the other women. And then they fall into a (un)healthy dose of Slade-bashing since he called them both fat in his stand-up routine. Tamra’s spreading her “kill him with kindness” plan, but knows that this will be difficult for Vicki.

Tamra tells Vicki she’s got to take a break from all the drama and focus on herself or else she’s going to have a nervous breakdown.

Alexis is at the salon getting ready for Bunco night and Gretchen joins her. Alexis says she’s going as Madonna but the only thing missing is the gap in her teeth. She’s having her hair professionally crimped. Gretchen gets hers done, too. Plus 10 for going all out.

Tamra’s dressed like Olivia Newton John circa “Let’s Get Physical.” She’s got a great body (and Slade’s obviously blind!) but this is not a good look for her. At all. Not at all. The makeup does nothing to make her look young. In fact, I think she put on about 30 years.

Since her last Bunco night ended up a sloppy mess, she’s having this one at a restaurant. That’s smart. Plus 5.

Gretchen and Alexis are on the way to the party and, again, discuss Tamra. Gretchen decides to call Tamra to ask about her outfit. Alexis is visibly annoyed at the fact that Gretchen called Tamra. Minus 10 for being a Jealous Judy.

Heather shows up to the restaurant dressed as a Robert Palmer girl from “Simply Irresistible,” complete with guitar. She looks awesome, if not obscure.

In true Tamra-has-no-filter fashion, she says the argument against all-bare-down-there waxing is that it prevents camel toe in leotards. Heather gets squirmy. Plus 5.

Vicki shows up to the party followed by Gretchen and Alexis and none of them know what part of the 80s Heather represents. Heather’s convinced she’s the only one who lived through the 80s. I’m convinced she’s the only one who knows Robert Palmer since he only had two hits in the entire decade. Minus 5 for not going all out like the rest of the ladies. At least then you wouldn’t be so misunderstood.

Tamra puts the ladies at the tables and explains the rules of the game. Things are going great! Everyone’s having fun! Hooray!

Alexis crosses herself for good luck and Heather’s appalled! Vicki calls her a Holy Roller! I chuckled. Plus 5.

But all good things must come to an end. And this party comes to a screeching halt when Alexis wins the first prize - Nipple Nibblers. A tingly, tantalizing Ta Ta gel that Alexis mistakes for lip gloss.

Gretchen Rossi Picture

Poor, poor prudish Alexis. Gretchen tells Tamra about Alexis’ oops and Tamra starts to talk about the size of Alexis’ boobs. Alexis and Vicki overhear. Minus 10, Tamra. You’ll tank your own party if you aren’t careful.

Tamra’s friend Tara brings up Slade’s comedy routine to Vicki. Apparently Tamra told her what Slade said about the two of them. Tamra says everything’s good in an attempt to squash the drama she sees coming. Ricky, a guest and friend of Tamra’s, accuses Gretchen of saying the things Slade said. Gretchen defends herself and says that anyone who has beef with what Slade said should take that up with Slade.

Alexis and Heather support the fact that Gretchen didn’t say anything about her friends. Plus 10 to Gretchen for defending herself.

The drama between the tables is peaking and there’s definitely tension in the room. Tamra says she has one last surprise for everyone.

It’s Eddie, Terry, and…Slade. Decked out in 80s apparel. Vicki’s not happy that Slade’s there. Not happy at all.

But, we’ll have to wait until next week to watch the drama unfold.

EPISODE TOTAL: +30! SEASON TOTAL: +20!

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Gretchen has a bump on her nose? Um, where is it? Must be microscopic lol....there are people who would kill to have her nose.

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Do the producers of the show have the women act incredibly stupid. I mean look at Vicki; she needs a face lift and an attitude adjustment. She is actually scary looking. Why does she want to make those awful faces with her buldging eyes and miss piggy nose?

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this programme is so fake just like these saddo women all like barbie bimbos obsessed with looking goog and getting the best lifestyles im sure they see there husbands as cash cards thats why they remain with them they dont live in the real life like normal women plastic hearts and souls to go with their fakeness and so bitchy about each other id hate to be in there world and most of them are getting old and trying so hard to turn back the years pretending to be something that they are not 20,somethings

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Vicki gets exactly what she deserves she screwed over dawn broke his heart after he tried and she treated him like cap. the least she could do is pay him spousal support. overShe thinks she's better than everybody else. Slade was only stating what was in the media ....isn't that once what she said too about Slade. Funny when she was getting mad she really looked like miss piggy her nose was flairing too. She cared so much about Slade not paying child support...when she ended up getting with someone that also had their own child support issues. Karma is a b***h

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Is Heather and Kat von D the same person? They look identical and have some of the same expressions, especially that look that says, "I didn't just hear what I thought I heard, did I?" Suddenly, I'm hearing motorcycles...

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REAL men don't put women down. REAL women don't use their womanhood as a license to say and do anything to hurt men. Therefore, Vicki deserved what she got, i.e., a friendly reminder to shut her face and realize that people don't always say what they're thinking, which she has apparently forgotten since junior high.

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vicky is so immature. she's upset because it has come out about her
boy?friend. too loud,to many opions about others. always, this has
never changed. gretchen, i love; if she doesn't drop that miserable
excuse for a man, she can't move on and find a true man. time waits
for noone gretchen. be smart. like the new girl, heather, such a
refreshing change.

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I have to side with Gretchen this time. Vicki needs to move on instead of sulking and needing to create drama. If she watches this show, she should see that Gretchen was upset with Slade. He needs to be kicked to the curb but I don't think that will happen any time soon. He's very immature and Gretchen likes being his boss. BTW, I loved Heather's 80s look--Addicted to Love is my all-time favorite video.

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Why would Gretchen & Slade get married now? They've shacked up for a long time and marrying will only make Gretchen financially responsible for any debts that Slade incurs, so why do it? Oh, yeah, that's right, now I remember. Gretchen told us on her blog that she goes to CHURCH! (That was right after the nude photo shoot.. Haha). But isn't she one of the women who put down Alexis for being a prude? Gretchen needs a reality check. You can't have one foot in the world, and one foot with God. It doesn't work, although millions of people try it every day of their lives. And poor Slade is so desperate he can't concentrate on just finding a decent position doing SOMETHING of value - instead of just schlepping around Gretchen's pink laptop. Just sayin'

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Talking about each other behind the backs, is so jr high!!! Vicki is too uptight, doesn't like the fact that Tamra wants to be friends with Gretchen. I think Vicki is the most immature out of the group, shes jealous and assumes the worst of Gretchen on every occasion. Slade is not funny. Comedy is not about saying the meanest things about peoples looks. I wish Gretchen could move on from him.