Last week, Slade bombed at comedy hour and Vicki’s daughter dropped a bomb: she may have cancer. This week? Bunco night. These women are getting wild and crazy, right?
Let’s check in with The Real Housewives of Orange County in THG’s +/- recap system!
Slade and Gretchen are in the car and Slade says this - comedy - is what he wants to do. That this just feels like the right thing. Gretchen says she thinks this is going to lead to a lot of fighting between them and she doesn’t want to be a part of it.
Slade agrees not to mention the girls. Gretchen sighs. Plus 5, Slade, for helping Gretchen make amends by setting boundaries with your comedy routine.
Tamra and Heather meet up for lunch to talk about the 80s themed Bunco night. Heather sees carbs on the table and reacts like they’re going to eat her. Minus 5.
Before their dishes are served, they both dish on the other women.
Tamra says she’s invited Alexis to Bunco night as a gesture of goodwill towards Gretchen and Heather tells Tamra that Alexis called herself a news anchor last week.
Tamra says her 12 year old is smarter than Alexis and pokes fun at Alexis’ giant boobs. Minus 5 for that thin attempt at “goodwill.” (Except it’s all true.)
Heather also tells Tamra about Slade’s evening at the Improv. She compliments Gretchen, and seems to mean it, so Plus 10 for that. Then bashes Slade’s poor attempts at comedy which were really just low blows against Gretchen’s friends and frienemies.
Tamra tries to blow off the fact that Slade compared her to the Michelin Man, but it’s clear that she’s bothered by his fat joke. Especially since she’s not fat.
Slade’s getting a Minus 25 for the sh!tstorm he’s caused for Gretchen.Heather says what happened on the stage was, “at best, dumb.” Her advice? Make nice with Slade so he’ll back down. Plus 10 to Heather for having a rational, non-backstabbing thought.
Alexis is outside her doctor’s office. And by doctor, I mean plastic surgeon. Her husband was supposed to come with her, but he ditched her, so she phones Gretchen to tag along for support. Except Gretchen can’t come either. Minus 10 to Jim for ditching his wife. Except I guess he does have to work to pay for his wife’s upkeep.
Alexis is getting a nose job. Or a consult for a nose job. That is, if she can ever stop hyperventilating. The x-rays show she has legitimate issues with her sinuses, but when she says she’s wanted to get her nose done for 3 or 4 years, it’s clear she’d be doing this with or without an underlying medical condition.
Gretchen and Alexis meet for coffee after Alexis’ consultation. Alexis demonstrates her inability to breathe through her nose and Gretchen says she’s jealous of Alexis’ inability to breathe because she’s always hated the bump on her own nose and would love an excuse to get rid of it.
Alexis acts appalled that Gretchen thinks she’s doing this for cosmetic reasons only and says she wouldn’t be getting the nose job if she didn’t have the sinus issues. Gretchen calls her on that in the one-on-one. Plus 10 to Gretchen.
Next, Alexis brings up the comedy club. She also compliments Gretchen. Plus 5, Alexis. Gretchen doesn’t want to be in the middle of the Slade-Housewives drama. But she is. Alexis says Gretchen needs to call Tamra and tell her what happened before it gets back to her.
Oops. Too late. Minus 5.
Vicki’s at the office and can’t get the fax machine to work. Neither can Danielle. She says she’s feeling distracted with everything that’s going on with the divorce and the business and Brianna. She snaps at Danielle for having a stuffy nose. Plus 5, Vicki. You’ve got a lot on your plate. Except carbs.
Slade comes in and Gretchen’s making the bed. Plus 5 for doing your own housework, Gretchen!
Slade’s got a proposition for her - his manager wants Gretchen to come to Vegas and do a show at the Pussycat Dolls venue. Gretchen seems excited about the opportunity and tells Slade he’s probably already committed her to do this.
As it turns out, he has. She’ll be singing “Fever” for her audition. Gretchen realizes that this is Slade’s way of getting out of the doghouse after the comedy club. Plus 10 to Gretchen for having her eyes wide open about this opportunity. Minus 10 to Slade for trying to change her focus so he doesn’t have to deal with the backlash from insulting the women.
Gretchen’s friend Victor comes over to help her put together an outfit for Bunco. Victor’s just as confused as everyone else is regarding the Gretchen-Tamra reunion. His mama always said “A leopard can’t change its spots.”
They continue planning a costume for Bunco. Gretchen says, “Is it hot as balls in here?”
“It’s always hot in the closet.” Ba-dum-chhh!!! Plus 15 for the best one-liner of the night.
Tamra calls. She knows about Slade’s performance at the Improv. Gretchen apologizes for Slade and says she doesn’t want to be in the middle of it, but she and Slade have already been in several fights about it. It’s clear Tamra doesn’t have a high opinion of Slade, but Gretchen doesn’t feel bad about the phone call and recognizes it for what it is - growing pains in her friendship with Tamra. Overall, the women seem to have worked that out, at least on the surface. Plus 10 for being adult-ish.
Tamra takes Vicki coffee to see how she’s doing. Vicki’s really worried about Brianna and Tamra starts to cry. She offers to bring food, but Vicki says no one’s eating and that she’ll never be skinny enough for the other women. And then they fall into a (un)healthy dose of Slade-bashing since he called them both fat in his stand-up routine. Tamra’s spreading her “kill him with kindness” plan, but knows that this will be difficult for Vicki.
Tamra tells Vicki she’s got to take a break from all the drama and focus on herself or else she’s going to have a nervous breakdown.
Alexis is at the salon getting ready for Bunco night and Gretchen joins her. Alexis says she’s going as Madonna but the only thing missing is the gap in her teeth. She’s having her hair professionally crimped. Gretchen gets hers done, too. Plus 10 for going all out.
Tamra’s dressed like Olivia Newton John circa “Let’s Get Physical.” She’s got a great body (and Slade’s obviously blind!) but this is not a good look for her. At all. Not at all. The makeup does nothing to make her look young. In fact, I think she put on about 30 years.
Since her last Bunco night ended up a sloppy mess, she’s having this one at a restaurant. That’s smart. Plus 5.
Gretchen and Alexis are on the way to the party and, again, discuss Tamra. Gretchen decides to call Tamra to ask about her outfit. Alexis is visibly annoyed at the fact that Gretchen called Tamra. Minus 10 for being a Jealous Judy.
Heather shows up to the restaurant dressed as a Robert Palmer girl from “Simply Irresistible,” complete with guitar. She looks awesome, if not obscure.
In true Tamra-has-no-filter fashion, she says the argument against all-bare-down-there waxing is that it prevents camel toe in leotards. Heather gets squirmy. Plus 5.
Vicki shows up to the party followed by Gretchen and Alexis and none of them know what part of the 80s Heather represents. Heather’s convinced she’s the only one who lived through the 80s. I’m convinced she’s the only one who knows Robert Palmer since he only had two hits in the entire decade. Minus 5 for not going all out like the rest of the ladies. At least then you wouldn’t be so misunderstood.
Tamra puts the ladies at the tables and explains the rules of the game. Things are going great! Everyone’s having fun! Hooray!
Alexis crosses herself for good luck and Heather’s appalled! Vicki calls her a Holy Roller! I chuckled. Plus 5.
But all good things must come to an end. And this party comes to a screeching halt when Alexis wins the first prize - Nipple Nibblers. A tingly, tantalizing Ta Ta gel that Alexis mistakes for lip gloss.
Poor, poor prudish Alexis. Gretchen tells Tamra about Alexis’ oops and Tamra starts to talk about the size of Alexis’ boobs. Alexis and Vicki overhear. Minus 10, Tamra. You’ll tank your own party if you aren’t careful.
Tamra’s friend Tara brings up Slade’s comedy routine to Vicki. Apparently Tamra told her what Slade said about the two of them. Tamra says everything’s good in an attempt to squash the drama she sees coming. Ricky, a guest and friend of Tamra’s, accuses Gretchen of saying the things Slade said. Gretchen defends herself and says that anyone who has beef with what Slade said should take that up with Slade.
Alexis and Heather support the fact that Gretchen didn’t say anything about her friends. Plus 10 to Gretchen for defending herself.
The drama between the tables is peaking and there’s definitely tension in the room. Tamra says she has one last surprise for everyone.
It’s Eddie, Terry, and…Slade. Decked out in 80s apparel. Vicki’s not happy that Slade’s there. Not happy at all.
But, we’ll have to wait until next week to watch the drama unfold.
EPISODE TOTAL: +30! SEASON TOTAL: +20!