Teen Mom 2 Reunion Recap: Who Relapsed? Who Got an STD?

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Jenelle Evans, Leah Messer, Kailyn Lowry and Chelsea Houska reunited last night in part one of the MTV reality show's time-honored "checkup" with Dr. Drew Pinsky.

The reunion show rehashes where they are at "this moment" in their lives ... this moment being at LEAST nine months ago, or about five years in Teen Mom 2 land.

Leah was not engaged to Jeremy Calvert and getting jumped by female hooligans,  Jenelle was facing jail for the first time (how quaint) ... this is all ancient history.

Still, there was plenty of drama to be revealed ...

The Teen Mom 2 Stars

Jenelle Evans was, at least at the time this was taped, a few months after the Teen Mom 2 season finale, back together with bum boyfriend Kieffer Delp. Minus 20.

She also relapsed and failed a drug test. Minus 50.

Dr. Drew: "You're on probation, smoking pot, hanging out with a guy you filed domestic violence charges against. Tell me where you're better?!" PWNED. Plus 25.

On the bright side, Jenelle has a "set schedule," has been attending school and isn't arguing (as much) with her mom, Barbara. In relative terms, of course. Plus 5.

Barbara in the houuuuuse! Plus 10.

Babs agrees that she and her daughter are "a lot better" since Jenelle's stepfather "moved out with a Hooters waitress!" Plus 5 for her cackling as she says this.

Asked to sum up North Carolina's favorite hoodie-wearing hobo, Babs said simply of Kieffer Delp, "He's so no good." Eloquent, Babs. Eloquent. Plus 10.

Drew prompted the Evans' to name the things they like about each other. There were actually "awwws" from the audience as they finished the task! Plus 25.

Next up is Kailyn Lowry ... and Jo Rivera, and boyfriend Jordan! Uh oh. Plus 15.

Kailyn and Jo

"Honestly I've treated him pretty bad," Kailyn admitted tearfully about her one-night stand with Jo, insisting she "only cheated on Jordan once." Yeah. Minus 15.

Jo doesn't want to "try to force a relationship" with Kailyn, who wants to be with Jordan. "It should be a mutual agreement if we break up." Wait, what? Minus 10.

"You don't know how hard it is to be a Teen Mom," she cries, plugging an MTV brand (Plus 15). "It hurts me that I'm hurting you." Wait, what? Minus 30.

Jordan points out that they can't break up, because they are not a couple ... at which point Kailyn dramatically storms off the stage. Nice, Kails. Plus 20.

After she came back, Kailyn's IUD was discussed. Oye. Minus 5.

It's great at preventing pregnancy. Chlamydia, not so much, even if you have sex in the shower. Wait, WHAT?! Plus 40 for that one we never saw coming.

Jordan and Kailyn revealed they'd both been tested and treated. Plus 10.

Then the light bulb went off and Jo realized he was being thrown under the bus. "Wait, did you just blame me for giving you STDs?" Oh yes. Plus 15.

"How do I know you're not having sex with someone else?" he responded. Fair point, but dude, you're the one with groupies ... who need to get tested. Minus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: +10! SEASON TOTAL: +58!

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it all perfectly. And I cghaut a glimps of the reunion before I gave Olivia her bath tonight (don't worry, she wasn't in the room!) and I saw that Chelsea was back with her loser boyfriend... can you say dumptruck!? it's hard to watch, but I can't look away! I pray that I'm raising a self confident and smart woman... and I hope she'll just ask for birth control if she decides to have sex one day... but she won't because I'll kill her if she does. :)And for Jenelle... she can be the biggest screw up, which she is, but if her and her mother don't stop fighting in front of that sweet little boy I'm going to lose my mind! If they only knew the dammage they were doing! What's wrong with these people!! Ok, I'm going, I'm getting worked up.

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So what who cares

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Lokk of here dnt worry bout wat nobody say about u.and dhe guy datz talkin bout lyke u a dogg just tell hym 2 kiss your azz kaylin all u gotta do iz b dere 4 your child fuck dhe rest of dhe bull shit. Let dat nigga b, and wat I mean bout dat is let hym move on to dhe next bitch, u kan find u a betta man dan hym. I am one of yall big fans because I watch your show everytime it cum on. And leah I wish I was on dere I wouldnt help u fight dem hoez

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i think that yall need to move on and forget about these dumass guys they are nothing but trouble trust me.just be loving to urselfs and ur kids cause they are ur bestfriends i have two lil boys and they make me happy as long as i have them thats all i need!!my babys are 1&2 so yeah lol they keep me going so plese think about wat i said, you'll be ok!

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JIM please don't post again! YOU WIGGER!

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Hey jim, should they cancel school since you can't spell for shit? And check your facts, last time i checked it said teen pregnancy was going down.

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Okkk kailyn ur a hoe n u knoww it foreals who the f screws her bbydady n thinks its all good u should b ashamed it the 1 who probably gave Jo a std she swears she only cheated on Jordan with Jo but I knows she fd other guys don't ask me how I know word gets around,I think all these low life,cheating,stupid,greedy,dummasss girls r stuppid I wish they would cancel this show its not preventing teen pregnancy thr showing 2days teens tht its ok 2 get pregnant you'll Gett a fatt chek n sum publicity n not 2 mention you'll look like a retard on tv ,most of theese girls got pregnant on purpose jus 2 b on dis stupid showed .and then they all jus wanna go on welfare n 2 any 1 who supports these so called moms r as dummb as these stupidd Lil hoodrattss all u hoes look pathetic

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Okkk kailyn ur a hoe n u knoww it foreals who the f screws her bbydady n thinks its all good u should b ashamed it the 1 who probably gave Jo a std she swears she only cheated on Jordan with Jo but I knows she fd other guys don't ask me how I know word gets around,I think all these low life,cheating,stupid,greedy,dummasss girls r stuppid I wish they would cancel this show its not preventing teen pregnancy thr showing 2days teens tht its ok 2 get pregnant you'll Gett a fatt chek n sum publicity n not 2 mention you'll look like a retard on tv..and then they all jus wanna go on

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i watch the show all the time i think you girls a doing great by your kids i am a big fan so i hope you read this and get back with me i went thorw all of this to and i love all u and hope you get everything you worked so hard for

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These kids do not have it easy. When the cameras are off they are still dealing and hurting. But I can honestly see how they ended up as teen moms.