The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Night of a Thousand Surprises

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They're back. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have returned to the mainland at last. Can Kim and Kyle keep it together long enough to get through one party?

Let's find out, and break down the tears, in THG's patented +/- recap!

It's the grand opening party of Lisa's new lounge at Sur and all of the Housewives are invited. But the real fun comes from the unexpected guests ...

Lisa's scrambling with the finishing touches but Sur looks lovely so Plus 8 for a job well done. But as Ken tries to give her a congratulatory hug, she's too busy to enjoy it and brushes it off. She jokes that Ken can get his cuddle next year.

Lisa and Ken

These two are so funny they earn an additional Plus 5.

Everyone starts to arrive and Lisa and Brandi immediately poke fun at one another. Lisa's just happy Brandi's wearing more than a string bikini. Brandi goes to flirt with Ken who says he's much too short for Brandi, especially in her heels.

Lisa reminds him he's also much too married. These three are great when they let their hair down. Plus 10.

Brandi quickly realizes that a waitress at the event was her ex-husband, Eddie's mistress (no, not LeAnn Rimes). Well, that's awkward. Brandi tries to play it off but who wants to be around the woman their husband was screwing around with.

Lisa does the right thing and gives the waitress the night off. Plus 7 for quickly diffusing what could have been a bad situation.

Lisa's challenges get more interesting when Cedric shows up. What rock did he crawl out from under and how did he get in? He's fawning all over Lisa who tells him it's a private party and he needs to leave. The guy has some nerve but eventually he takes the hint.
Kim Richards is Trashed

Kim and Ken take a limo to the party and Kim is flying high in the back seat. She's picking through the trash and taking off her bra. Ken doesn't seem to mind. Maybe he likes her better wasted. Minus 12.

Kim blames her loopiness on having anxiety and being a Virgo. I don't think her astrological chart has anything to do with this behavior. She arrives at the party and shows people her personal pink vibrator! Now there's an ice breaker. I'm not even sure how to give points for that one.

Kim whispers to Adrienne that she's leaving Ken and Adrienne runs to get Kyle. The two sisters find a private table and the tear fest begins. Do these two ever have a conversation that doesn't end up with one of them crying. Minus 8.

Kim not only laments her disastrous relationship (the one she was praising just a week before) but mentions that she's three months late! Plus 20 to Kyle who asks if it could be menopause. Honey, you took the words right out of my mouth. 

Kim won't even entertain the thought but is too scared to take a pregnancy test. Yeah, that's adult. Minus 11. All I can say is that I pray she's not with child considering how many drugs may be coursing through her system. It's a scary thought.

Kim eventually locks herself in the ladies room and Ken stakes out the door. Kim's yelling for him to leave her alone and it's all more than a little ridiculous.

Taylor Armstrong is a Mess

Across the room, Taylor arrives with her therapist. She has a sit down with the ladies to give them the news face to face. She's left Russell. They had one last huge fight where she's ended up with a bruise under her eye and she's finally done. Plus 15.

She sincerely asks forgiveness for dragging everyone else through hell along with her, especially Camille and they all seem willing to move on.

Knowing how this story ends for Russell, I'm interested to see if we get anymore of his side of things before the season ends.

EPISODE TOTAL: +34! SEASON TOTAL: -279!

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Yes napnjersey you are right.She wants someone to serve her and I don't see him being that guy.What makes her think she is so special?She is not pretty or even nicely built.She comes with a lot of baggage too.Kyle seems to want to mother her and he will have to deal with that too.He strikes me as not a yes man.

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Ok,I never once believed Taylor's story about abuse.Especially when she and Russell were talking in the car and she said Camille had added to what she had told her.Now to know she will make money off a book of lies is just too much.When they showed her session with the Dr. I felt like he was talking her into a divorce and now she brings him to a party.There is more to this than we know.I feel she is a nasty lier.She would so hate for me to be a relative of Russell's right now.I think before Bravo continues with this -itch they should make her take a lie detector test about the abuse.I think the reason she left him was because he was coming between her and her friends and her partying with them.I can't even look at a picture of her she is so disgusting to me.Wait until her friends find out she is a lier.Among other things.Did they not think it funny she came in with that Dr. to the party?I apologize for being all over the place but when it comes to her I get so wound up.

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I really like Brandi! At least she is honest about things. She doesn't do things puropsefully to be in the spotlight like Taylor. Who brings their therapist to a restaurant opening? It was Lisa's night and should have stayed that way. Camille used to be my worst hated, and now is my favorite! Go figure!

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I also don't buy into Taylor. Normally when any woman states she was abused or attacked, I believe them without a second hesitation. So I also believed Taylor's story, but quite frankly at this point...I have absolutely no idea what happened between her and Russell and I am more than willing to believe she lied. There are just so many inconsistencies with her story. Plus, her willingness to let Camille be sued than admit she told her that is awful. Then the showing up with her therapist at a restaurant opening. I just think there is more to this than any of us probably know.

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Last nights show was fabulous. I never want this to end. Kyle has to stop crying though, why put on all that makeup???? I am glad that Taylor came clean, and had her psych with her, though unusual to bring one with to a party, but most of this is staged anyway,,,,,Camille deserved an apology, because she tried to do an intervention with her which blew up in her face. Cedric showing up, of couse was staged he was wearing a mike. Kim is so far gone, I hope rehab helped. As for Ken he is so not her type. What is this scruffy old jewish guy doing with her???? She picked him up at her mail box? He had his eye on her and probabaly knew who she was, and while she is so loopy, any man with do her,,,if you know what I mean....

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I totally agree with you, Napnjersey. Just wondering if I'm the only one that doesn't buy into Taylor? Many things, too many to list, lead me to think she's not an honest person. I'd have to say deciding to bring your therapist to Lisa's opening gala to sit down and have a session with everyone, right in the middle of it, was extremely calculated and ridiculous. -20

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I don't know the true nature of Kim and Ken's relationship, but you totally glossed over his obvious frustration with her in the hotel room while getting ready. She is a total mess. He's just trying you get her out the door! And yes, he did have a problem with her rummaging through the trash and taking off her bra. What show were you watching? I feel for Ken. He's in a no win situation. His idea of taking care of her and her's are completely different. She wants someone to serve her. I don't think ANY person would put up with it, unless they're getting paid. Now he's being painted as the bad guy. Kim is completely delusional. I hope he has a chance to be vindicated.