It's that time of the week again.
The two hours we love to hate, or unabashedly love, or violently hate (but should really be condensed into one hour in any case) are upon us. It's Bachelor time!
On last Monday's season premiere, Ben Flajnik met 25 women dying for attention and 15 minutes of fame his affection. Now just 18 remain ... but for HOW LONG!?
Not long. Soon, two will get the chop. Follow this link for The Bachelor spoilers we know so far, then join us for THG's +/- Bachelor recap - LIVE - of week two!
BEN IS BACK, BABY: His hair needs no introduction.
We're in Sonoma already? With 18 of them? Don't they usually go to The Bachelor's hometown much later? Eh, at least it's a cool town. Plus 6.
Looks like our favorite Bachelor drinking game starts seven weeks early. Take a sip every time they say "hometown." Prepare to get plastered. Plus 5.
Photo montage of Ben and his dad? Too soon. But poignant. Plus 3.
A giddy Ben Flajnik opines that he's lucky to be surrounded by "18 beautiful, smart women." He misspoke. By smart, he meant "white." Minus 7.
Kacie Boguskie just HAPPENED to think up of twirling a baton town the street. How spontaneous, free-spirited and geeky in a sweet way! Minus 14.
Girl's got skills, though. Plus 4.
Courtney says Kacie is "kind of annoying." Minus 11, because she seems like the least annoying girl ever, and Court has known her all of 12 minutes.
Why is nobody in Sonoma? Minus 9.
Back at the mansion, Blakeley's feisty about going on group date. She may or may not knock someone out. After some wine, she'll cut a bitch. Plus 10.
Moron girls, complaining about group dates on WEEK ONE. Just be glad you didn't get sent home, then go talk smack about Courtney. Minus 13.
After an awkward "will you accept this rose", Ben "plans" a date where he and Kacie watch ... childhood movies of her. And himself. Chris Harrison wasn't kidding when he said this season would be very nude. Plus 20.
They are REALLY playing up his late father. Overkill? Minus 4.
This first date ends in tears ... and proclamations of perfection. Why not just call off the rest of the season and propose right there Ben? Plus 7.
Ben totally thought it'd be a great idea to involve local kids in the group date. No input at all from the producers on this one, no sir. Minus 6.
Nice 1950s swimsuit / pinup attire Blakeley. Minus 13.
Those poor kids. Except the one guy who loved it. Wash.
About half of the girls could be convincing weasels, honestly. Plus 3.
Courtney passive-aggressively, or just plain aggressively, tries to knock Lindzi off her horse, so to speak. Minus 9 for being so obvious, Rainbow Shirt.
Wow, The Bachelor Story Editors (yes, they are listed in the end credits) are really pulling out all the stops with their dates this season. Plus 10.
Things we didn't see coming this winter: Ben Flajnik, nude sheep. Plus 5.
Nearly naked farm animals aside, this is a cute episode of The Bachelor so far. Very family friendly. Oh, how that is about to change, but Plus 6.
Is this a show for Sonoma, California, to find love or Ben? Minus 8.
Blakeley is really coming on strong. She's like an older, crazier, more made-up, less hot version of Michelle Money. With terrible earrings. Minus 7.
Samantha pouts about Blakeley in the bathroom stall! Plus 14.
Courtney: "Winning!" Ugh. So 2011. Which is when this was filmed, but still, Minus only 5, because the show is obviously making her the villain, but still.
Obligatory chicken fights? A little cliche, but Plus 2.
Jennifer gets some major pool make out time. Plus 3, because she seems sweet. Blakeley, conversely, is getting hot flashes. She may be menopausal. Minus 9.
Apparently Ben's into that, because she gets the rose! Minus 17.
Scotch sighting! And howling! Plus 8. Remember when Ben and Ashley compared doggy voices? :( Minus 5 because Ben may be over her, but we're not.
"You are not a good person." - Kacie, re: Courtney. Plus 12.
Ben talks about Courtney as if she were the most beautiful woman in the history of time. Yes. She's an attractive model, but easy, dude. Minus 7.
Ben took a job with an Internet advertising company in Arizona after graduating college? Sounds like the worst career path imaginable. Minus 10.
Courtney has dated, like, an actor (Jesse Metcalfe). She found, like, underwear in the bed. Did that actually happen or is it a metaphor? Either way, Minus 15.
Please, ABC, turn down the audio on the kissing. SMACK! SLURP. Ick. Minus 9.
Lindzi, a.k.a. First Impression Girl, may not be a model like Courtney (above), but she's an F350/Tractor Girl. Plus 30, because that's much more impressive.
Blakeley, a.k.a. Jugs, is officially making girls cry by existing. Plus 10.
Jenna is not, like, a girl. Whatever that means. Minus 7. Buh-bye.
Is she putting blankets on the candle?! Then curled up in bed sobbing?! Plus 12.
Minus 31 for the rest of the girls caring SO much and being beyond bitchy, though. Amazing as it is, they've made Blakeley appear sympathetic.
Ben says he has trouble dividing his time between 18 women. Some of them have about that many different personalities, so we feel ya. Plus 11.
Nice of the venerable host-pimp @chrisbharrison to stop by. Plus 9.
We really need to get a copy of the rose ceremony's dramatic score for the next time we have some suspenseful celebrity gossip to post. Plus 10.
No Jenna ... he is definitely not kidding you. Minus 5.
EPISODE TOTAL: +13! SEASON TOTAL: +82!
Eliminations: Jenna Burke and Shawn Reynolds.