The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Malibu Beach Party FAIL!

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In the dangerous lives of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, when you head to a party, you need backup. That said, we break down last night in our +/- recap!

First, back to Pandora's wedding extravaganza. Wedding planner Kevin was slightly less annoying this week but that may be because we saw so little of him.

I will give the man a Plus 10. He puts together one heck of a lovely table, but does he really need a million dollar budget to pull that off? I don't think so.

Pandora and Lisa Vanderpump

From there we head over to Kyle's where she's throwing a party to celebrate both Cinco de Mayo and mother-in-law Estelle's new face. Only in Beverly Hills can the two be combined and no one thinks twice about it. 

Estelle looks good but it's hard to tell how much was done from the before and after pictures since the before has no makeup at all and the after was taken in full hair and makeup. Minus 8 because I would have enjoyed seeing a more accurate comparison.

Everyone's talking about Brandi's upcoming party but the porn star tutorial is out and a belly dancing lesson is in. Apparently Lisa hasn't gotten the memo.

She tells Ken she's not going because she doesn't need a lesson on giving BJ's. Ken asks her to come home and prove it. Lisa's response: "It's not your birthday, is it?" Plus 10 because somehow it's even funnier with the British accents.

The Malibu party gets started, the wine starts to flow and before you know it Kyle is doing splits in front of the crowd. What's up with that? Didn't she do that at Pandora's engagement party? Minus 5 as her exhibitionist streak is getting old.
Brandi Glanville Nipples

Speaking of exhibitionists, Brandi's wearing a clingy white cotton dress with a thong and no bra. Honestly, if anyone can pull it off it's Brandi but Kyle's incessant comments about her nipples were getting a little creepy. Minus 8. If Kyle were a guy I'd be telling her to look up.

So Taylor brings Kyle along as backup because she feels so uncomfortable being around Camille since the tea party blowout. Perhaps she should have chosen a better wingman. 

When Taylor becomes overwhelmed and steps outside to get some, air does Kyle go to check on her ... no. Instead she calls attention to Taylor's absence and sticks her tongue out at her through the window. Minus 7. She was probably just trying to lighten Taylor's mood but instead it was the beginning of the end.

Who is the crazy red headed friend of Camille's? I know she's just trying to stick up for her friend but she's a bit of a nut. At some point you need to back off and shut up and Camille should have told her to do just that. For someone who claims to hate the drama, Camille certainly has very dramatic friends.

Instead the ladies swarmed an already fragile Taylor. Minus 10 to the entire crew. Everyone screaming and talking at once only made a bad situation worse. When Taylor finally snaps ... well it's not pretty.

Taylor Unglued

It seems that Taylor is terrified about what will happen when Russell finally hears Camille's comments. Instead of her focus being on ditching her allegedly abusive spouse she seems sidetracked on blaming Camille for her issues. It's simply scary.

Then Brandi goes and kicks Taylor out. Minus 15. That's just rude.

She could have at least separated the ladies and let them calm down, and I'm sure one or both of them would have left of their own accord.

So despite the gorgeous ocean views and the wonderful food, Brandi's party is a complete disaster. She cries that she only wants to fit in. Well, considering how well everyone else's parties turn out you may just be one of the crowd, but if she were smarter she'd run in the opposite direction.

EPISODE TOTAL: -33! SEASON TOTAL: -322!

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Kyle is so ugly inside and out! I wish someone would smack her plastic face upside her head.