Kourtney & Kim Take New York Season Premiere Rekap: You're My Wife Now!

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The second, scripted season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York kicked off last night, and was impossible to take at face value, given the drama of the past few months.

Because of the overexposure of Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, and the demise of her marriage to Kris Humphries, every scene of this nonsense takes on new meaning.

That said, let's break down the season premiere, THG plus-minus style, as we run down the many signs that Kim's fake marriage was headed for a 72-day flame out:

Kim and Kourt Take New York

Hilariously, the show kicks off with celebrity gossip magazine covers and TV reports discussing the end of their union, weeks before Kim actually left him. Plus 19.

"You're my wife now. It's going to take a lot to get rid of me." - Kris. LOL. Dude, these are shameless, overly made-up phonies do whatever the hell they want and it's all for ratings. You really think you matter to them? Could you not see this coming? Did you not Google your wife or read ANY celebrity news site? Minus 50.

Kim and Kris call each other "husband" and "wifey." AWWWW! Plus 5.

Living together? Not so cute. They had never done so before, and it shows, as Kim like things neater than Kris, who could really give a f--k. "When I see a messy room, it literally ruins my day," Kim says. Literally. Minus 28.

"I can't live with Kris," she says to her sister. "He's such a slob." Good thing she found out they were incompatible before they got married! Oh wait. Minus 31.

The producers set Kris up for a nervous breakdown, and while we feel bad for the guy, it's a lot of fun to watch at times. Like when he arrives home to find Kourtney doing nude yoga with a naked dude and a few other girls. Plus 30.

Kourt tries to fake apologize for the scripted setup. Why bother? Minus 4.

"I'm excited to be Mason's uncle." - Kris. Plus 5, because he was probably sincere, but once again, E! made him live with the kid, in an adjacent room no less.

"It's important to me that Kris bonds with Mason. He's going to be a really good dad someday." - Kim Kardashian. Read: Just not with my kids. Minus 12.

As Kim bitches about "career" obligations, Kris observes, “Baby, by the time you have kids, no one will probably care about you.” Plus 125, because that probably sealed the divorce right there. Don't ever call her irrelevant!

KKTNY

At a welcome to New York party thrown in Kim and Kris' honor, the latter obviously does not want to be there. Plus 8 for the fact that this makes Kris more human to us, but Minus 17, because what did he expect here?

"You care about that. I don't give a f--k." - Kris, re: everything. Plus 14.

We forgot Scott Disick is also on this show. What a douche. Minus 40.

Despite playing for the New Jersey Nets (he's now a free agent) last year, Kris does not really like New York! "It's hard getting adjusted," he says. "Everything in New York is screwing me up." Namely his INSANE new in-laws. Plus 10.

And then the bomb: "I love you so much," he tells Kim, before peacing out of NYC to train in his native Minnesota. Shades of things to come. Minus 15.

Kim notes, in a moment of reflection, as if she's trying to convince herself, that "I should definitely be supportive of my husband." Yes you should. And enter into marriage for the right reasons and actually work hard on it. Minus 75.

She appreciates that Kris supports her career, whatever that is. Minus 12.

Kris tucks her in bed like he did the first time E! told him to when they first started dating and tells Kim he is grateful to get the hell out loves her. Plus 7.

An online petition calling for E! to cancel this krap has more than 168,000 signers. After this hour, you can make it 168,001. Plus 13 for starting that.

EPISODE TOTAL: -59.

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I wonder if Kourtney got some good pussy.

Dimples87

I saw the episode last night and it seemed like both of them had a lot to do with why the marriage didn't work. Like an attorney said the other day on "The View," it's like they didn't listen to each other to make it last. Kim was right about one thing, she jumped into that marriage and she thought that this was what the viewers wanted to see but she wasn't making herself happy.
Kris, as her husband, should've been trying to make her happy even if it's such a small thing as cleaning up after himself and not being a slob, if that's what urked her nerves. She should have negotiated with Kourtney and Scott to make their area of the hotel a bit more comfortable and Kim should've knew they needed their space as newlyweds to be alone - not jumping into a situation with her sister, her boyfriend and their baby (even if Kris was acting like a drama queen) over it.
There's a lot of issues with their marriage and all of them seem superficial and could've been avoided but it is what it is.

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These Kardashian people are all pathetic! It’s time for them to all go away. Kris H., you made a huge mistake, consider yourself lucky you only wasted 11 months of your life on this POS family. Live and learn.

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I wouldn't watch this bullshit show, if you payed me to. They are all phoney's and money mongers. Not worth the time. I would rather watch Sister Wives...that's saying alot!!!!!!

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who cares about that dumb cunt

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This fall, for the first time since grammar school it was Fall, and Kirs Humphries was not playing Basketball. He's a mid-teir player, not like Lamar who has multiple millions in his pocket, and relies on his paycheck and his job for his wellbeing. So, he's got no job, no paycheck, his world is turned upside down, and he's trying to adjust to being Kim Kardashian's husband. What is apparent is that Kim saw him as a minor role player to her ego, and if he wanted to actually be an equal partner in the marriage he'd get shown the door.

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Not watching them anymore this all a Hoax for this Show! The public is not fooled anymore, I think the American Public is Dont with this Family!They get paid lots of money for no Talent! WTF!

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being married is hard work,the first year is becoming ajusted to liveing together & learning about each other, Kim, didn't even bother to to give it time for it to work it self out.

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it,s was a scam wedding,,money money is all she thinks about..take it OFF E

Kourtney Kardashian Biography

Kourtney Kardashian Photo Kourtney Kardashian is the least known of the older Kardashian sisters. She's probably the best looking, though. Kourtney has never made... More »
Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Kourtney Mary Kardashian