Kourtney & Kim Take New York Season Premiere Rekap: You're My Wife Now!

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The second, scripted season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York kicked off last night, and was impossible to take at face value, given the drama of the past few months.

Because of the overexposure of Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, and the demise of her marriage to Kris Humphries, every scene of this nonsense takes on new meaning.

That said, let's break down the season premiere, THG plus-minus style, as we run down the many signs that Kim's fake marriage was headed for a 72-day flame out:

Kim and Kourt Take New York

Hilariously, the show kicks off with celebrity gossip magazine covers and TV reports discussing the end of their union, weeks before Kim actually left him. Plus 19.

"You're my wife now. It's going to take a lot to get rid of me." - Kris. LOL. Dude, these are shameless, overly made-up phonies do whatever the hell they want and it's all for ratings. You really think you matter to them? Could you not see this coming? Did you not Google your wife or read ANY celebrity news site? Minus 50.

Kim and Kris call each other "husband" and "wifey." AWWWW! Plus 5.

Living together? Not so cute. They had never done so before, and it shows, as Kim like things neater than Kris, who could really give a f--k. "When I see a messy room, it literally ruins my day," Kim says. Literally. Minus 28.

"I can't live with Kris," she says to her sister. "He's such a slob." Good thing she found out they were incompatible before they got married! Oh wait. Minus 31.

The producers set Kris up for a nervous breakdown, and while we feel bad for the guy, it's a lot of fun to watch at times. Like when he arrives home to find Kourtney doing nude yoga with a naked dude and a few other girls. Plus 30.

Kourt tries to fake apologize for the scripted setup. Why bother? Minus 4.

"I'm excited to be Mason's uncle." - Kris. Plus 5, because he was probably sincere, but once again, E! made him live with the kid, in an adjacent room no less.

"It's important to me that Kris bonds with Mason. He's going to be a really good dad someday." - Kim Kardashian. Read: Just not with my kids. Minus 12.

As Kim bitches about "career" obligations, Kris observes, “Baby, by the time you have kids, no one will probably care about you.” Plus 125, because that probably sealed the divorce right there. Don't ever call her irrelevant!

KKTNY

At a welcome to New York party thrown in Kim and Kris' honor, the latter obviously does not want to be there. Plus 8 for the fact that this makes Kris more human to us, but Minus 17, because what did he expect here?

"You care about that. I don't give a f--k." - Kris, re: everything. Plus 14.

We forgot Scott Disick is also on this show. What a douche. Minus 40.

Despite playing for the New Jersey Nets (he's now a free agent) last year, Kris does not really like New York! "It's hard getting adjusted," he says. "Everything in New York is screwing me up." Namely his INSANE new in-laws. Plus 10.

And then the bomb: "I love you so much," he tells Kim, before peacing out of NYC to train in his native Minnesota. Shades of things to come. Minus 15.

Kim notes, in a moment of reflection, as if she's trying to convince herself, that "I should definitely be supportive of my husband." Yes you should. And enter into marriage for the right reasons and actually work hard on it. Minus 75.

She appreciates that Kris supports her career, whatever that is. Minus 12.

Kris tucks her in bed like he did the first time E! told him to when they first started dating and tells Kim he is grateful to get the hell out loves her. Plus 7.

An online petition calling for E! to cancel this krap has more than 168,000 signers. After this hour, you can make it 168,001. Plus 13 for starting that.

EPISODE TOTAL: -59.

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wonder how long till Momapimp releases the Jenner sisters sex tape ??? i bet the day after her 18th bday is when production starts ..

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after 10 mins of the repeat i couldnt atand listening to another word that Kim had to say . It is just so obvious that this show is staged now . Only people as shallow and self absorbed as the Kardashians could watch this show . hey they dony care as long as you keep giving them money while they show the world that greed , sex and no morals is the kardashian way of life ...i used to like the show but will never watch anything kardashian again !!!! And dont pretend your clothing line is doing good because in the last 2 months i've watched the prices drop from 30% off to 50% off on all your merchandise..After this season you will be gone and the World will definately be a better place ...

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Some people dislike Kris because they think that if he married a relaity star that means he is only in it for the fame. I disagree. This episode shows that Kris' reasons and intentions for marrying Kim were not based off of fame in any way. Kris really struggled with the cameras and being in the spotlight and this isn't the first time he showed his discomfort too. Therefore, Kris is more genuine than others think he is.
Secondly, if the situation was reversed and Kim walked in on Kris and his friends shirtless and playing basketball with a naked female, how would she react? Kim was being very harsh on him. I understand why he was angry and upset about the whole yoga thing. Kourtney really has been annoying with all of these healthy trends she is forcing on everyone.
I think he was a good choice for Kris to go back to Minniesota, rather than stay and get more into it with Kim and/or Kourtney. He is putting his career first, just like Kim is doing.

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E needs another show that is not full of trashy mouth hoes. Come on people you are really dumb for watching such nonsense.

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Big tits, big ass, duh duh, fucks niggers nuff said

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I think this show last night portrayed that Kim marriage was something she was not ready to get into because she was in no way ready to get into a marriage or make a commitment other than to her career, nor being a house wife or have kids....I think this was to expect from the moment that she was the only one in the photo on People Magazine without the groom....and if they were asking people to watch the show I think that tells you that EVERYTHING was for ratingd

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i only watch these silly, phony,money and fame addicted family-because it
makes me realize how NORMAL my family. is kris saying fu-k every other word in coversations with her kids shows she has no class @ all because all of her kids say it, evidently picking it up @ a very young age . their conversations consites of cuss words in every sentence. be it long or short . it shows me that their vocabulary really is very limited. none of these people have any class @ all .and they make fun of us rednecks --- what a freaking joke ----on them !!

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everyone keeps talking so much shit about the Kardashians, yet its E!'s highest rated shows, obviously millions are tuning in to watch, so its ridiculous for people to petition to get rid of that show.. how stupid do u think E! is? obviously they won't ever get rid of it, its all about the ratings and The Kardashians are what make E!..... everyone seems to join the "lets hate the Kardashians" bandwagon.... why? people keep saying they are famous for nothing.... how so? we make them famous!!! they are business people.

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I find it very weird that Kim Kardashian, her mom and sisters were on twitter last night encouraging people to watch her show-marriage fall apart. So weird... I'm not watching the show, if you really want to watch it, watch it later from youtube or other website... don't give them the ratings by watching from E!

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This show as well as the idiots in in should just go away.
Kort is really a joke and just used Scot as a baby machine.
Kim,she uses everyone to make the almighty buck.
Good thing their dad died, if he were around today, he'd be suffering like crazy watching his hoes..

Kourtney Kardashian Biography

Kourtney Kardashian Photo Kourtney Kardashian is the least known of the older Kardashian sisters. She's probably the best looking, though. Kourtney has never made... More »
Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Kourtney Mary Kardashian
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