Jersey Shore Recap: One Ugly Situation After Another

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Last week's Jersey Shore ended with a cliffhanger of sorts. After the realization that Snooki's kooka cuddled with Vinny's junk,she spilled the beans to Jionni.

In this episode, we saw the conclusion of this epic saga, which went about as you'd expect. Meanwhile, a lot of people are really not big fans of Situation.

We've always liked Mike in spite of his significant flaws. But his failure to see that he has such flaws - and thus feel sorry for himself - is beyond baffling.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!

HOT Deena Nicole Cortese

Jionni clearly was not happy, but he merely sounded disappointed ... that low tone of voice designed to make the other party feel guilty and like a useless human being. Plus 14 for not screaming and thus making Snooki look sympathetic.

He told Snook that he "can't call her his girlfriend." Same here man. Plus 7.

Minus 11 because clearly they're back together, rendering this pointless.

Elsewhere on the aspiring roommate hookup front, wannabe Snooki Deena really wants her kooka to cuddle up to Pauly D. Minus 5 for not taking a hint.

Minus 20 more for how she says "do sex." NO ONE SAYS THAT.

Pauly, to his credit, busts out every trick in the book to resist getting it in, all without coming off like an d!ck. He was rather skillful, we must say. Plus 16.

Vinny, take note. You don't have to pork Snook next time. Minus 3.

Plus 8 for Vinny's hilarious confessional parody of Pauly. Oh yeah!

What's more disgusting, smushing Snook or brushing your teeth with hair clippings? Wash, because there's probably a lot of guys who'd prefer the latter.

It took awhile, but Florence passersby are apparently starting to make like the crowds of Seaside, engaging the cast and looking to start $h!t. Plus 4, but careful who you "shame," Italians ... you don't want to end up like this ass clown:

Mike, not Ron, attempts to act hard and posture back. Oye. Minus 5.

OMG you KNOW a fight's about to go down. Ronnie and Pauly say they’re gonna tear the crowd apart until ... nothing happens. Anticlimactic much? Minus 15.

After club bouncers escorted everyone out, Snooki and Deena were not about to call it a night. If you're not blacked out, it's not time to pack it in. Plus 9.

Team Meatball might regret that decision if they could remember it, between groups of Italian dudes harassing them and the ice thrown at them. Minus 6.

Deena talks about being good in bed a lot. If you have to say it ... Minus 3.

Okay, Plus 2, because those two deserve ice thrown at them a little bit.

Plus 7 more, because breaking bottles, as we know, solves everything.

JWoww and Sammi are, like, actually becoming friends, bonding over the fact they are moderately sane and Team Meatball is totally outta control! Plus 14.

Snooki and Deena Photo

That jacuzzi probably needs to be thrown out after this season. Minus 4.

Also, Sam and Ron have not fought in like a month! Plus 21.

Pauly and Vinny take their bromance to bed. LOL. Plus 9.

Oh boy. Sitch really opened up a can of worms calling out Deena for doing nothing around the house. Plus 5, as we're sure it's true, but Minus 10 for going there when you cause plenty of other problems by merely existing yourself.

Deena to Mike, after he calls her fat: “I can lose weight for free but you need about 10 grand to fix your f*%king face.” Boom! Plus 9.

Mike, once again, feels way too sorry for himself. Minus 30.

Next week is the season finale, but they're already talking about rooming situations (pun not intended) in Seaside, reminding us that yes, there's a fifth season of Jersey Shore coming our way this winter. Fist. Pump. Plus 20.

EPISODE TOTAL: +33. SEASON TOTAL: +232.

Jersey Shore is totally ...

 

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I love this show because I can see pauly D that is a very very sexy man wow;)

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this show sux i used to luv it but theyre trying way 2 hard they look like retards snookie and deena 2 dirty bitches vinny and pauly d clearlys gay 2gether sitch 2 old ron sam and jenny r ok

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I'm sick of that little pig Snooki getting away with murder. She keeps cheating on her boyfriends and keeps embarrasing them with her disgusting behavior and wonders why? Clearly the Situation is telling the truth about hooking up with her and she wants to lie and hide it, but she is a ho bag and that's that. Poor Sitch is copping it because she is angry, but the little maggot should be angry with her own whoreish ways and stop diverting blame.

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Fuck all you hoes !! I love jersey shore better than anything else that's played on mtv. Fist pump!!!!!!!!

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for those who enjoyed the season well...as i call it ' season snookie' ..the group is gettin old now..i feel like im watching my uncle who frequents bars late at night...not fun to see these old humps be drunk their time is up DID YOU HEAR ME MTV STAFF, THEIR TIME IS UP...keepers = ron, vinnie (kinda becuz he's cool) ,
non-keepers = snook, pauly d ( needs to go dj somewhere), jwow( no more wow more like j-retired..., sam ( keep her ) deena, (nooooo, hell noo), ..oh forgot about mike (wont we all love to not see POPEYE pls he's the old fart in the house...

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to maryanne..do u really think jwoww is classy..didnt she just a few months ago piss in a bar in seaside hts..i wont order a bar drink after that at the jersey shore..jwow is far from classy..she may not be on team meatball but guys from elmont, ny say she's all on team sausage

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This show is stupid, disgraceful and just plain strange, but you gotta love it!

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Lmao mike does look like popeye i knew he looked like someone but i just couldnt figure it out. LMAOOOO

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I cannot stand this show! Especially that overrated fat Snookie, yuk!!!

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@Maryanne Gaeta - Do you Honestly believe that if everyone on the show acted as "classy" as JWoww and Sammi anyone would want to watch? Give me a break. Nobody wants to watch classy people being classy and doing respectful things. Who are you kidding. Also, whats up with the caps?

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