Jersey Shore Recap: Mike's Mole Hunt, Vinny's Family & Snooki's Whine Party

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This has, without a doubt, been the best season of Jersey Shore yet.

There have been laughs. There have been tears. There have been fights culminating in walls knocking out Mike. There have been gratuitous displays of Snooki's kooka.

Could last night's installment meet these increasingly high standards set by the N.J. crew? Between meeting Vinny's family and another insane melee, it came close.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!

Ronnie is Shocked

Tension was already high after Snooki's breakup with Jionni and getting it in (or at least hooking up) with Vinny. Then Mike had to make it worse. Effing Mike. Minus 11.

JWoww tells Snooks about Mike's comments about what she supposedly did with him. Snooki flips out, justifiably. Plus 3. Mike then decides to apologize. Just kidding.

Sitch tells all the roommates that he gave his boy Unit Jionni's number so that he can tell him what really went down between the two. Yes, his name is Unit. Plus 4.

Since Mike is really the rat, and hardly for the first time, this prank did not exactly go over well. Minus 16 for lack of tact. Wrong time to punk your supposed friend. Of all people who don't need to stage a fake mole hunt, it's Mike.

Plus 29 for absolute eruption that inevitably followed, however.

Mike tries to justify himself to the guys. They are unmoved. Vinny sums it up best. "You'd think he would learn to stop after awhile. He got punched in the face, he ran into a wall, now he's getting Champagne bottles thrown at his head." Plus 8.

Plus 20, or one point for each f-bomb or object thrown at him.

Plus 10 more for Pauly D's in-fight commentary.

The guys went on a long-awaited trip to Sicily to visit Vinny's family. As the only pure Italian in the bunch, this was pretty cool. Plus 10.

Remember when the show used to play up the Italian angle and basically market itself as guido central? Those were the low-class days. Plus 5.

The ladies, meanwhile, hit Tuscany for a wine tour. Stunningly a kooka-free one. Plus 12.

Yes, Snooki nearly passes out on a cask ... but with underwear. We think. Minus only 3.

Photos of Vinny from his youth were a big hit. Plus 4.

Vinny Reflects

Snooki and JWoww, already at odds, became even more combative after the latter's blunt assessment that she cheated on Jionni. Truth hurts, babe. Plus 7.

"If you loved him, you wouldn't have done that," JWoww says. "I would never cheat on him," Snooki replies. JWoww: "You did though." PWNED! Plus 5.

Snook's dad informs her that Jionni changed his Facebook status to single. Plus 15.

Minus 50 for Snooki's claim that Jionni caused this. Right. Because he gets blacked out drunk, flashes his genitals and club and has intercourse with roommates.

Furious, she calls Jionni, who says he was the heartbroken one. Snook 'feeses to hooking up, but not getting it in, with Vin. She's classy like that. Minus 6.

Jionni says Vinny is dead next time he sees him. LOL. Dude, you're not hard. Minus 7.

Hugging it Out

Oh, and BTW? After talkin with Vinny later, Snook learns that yeah, she may have blacked out just a little and yeah, they definitely boned. Anyone surprised? How would Snooki possibly believe she could restrain herself? Ever? Minus 12.

Cue another phone call to Jionni. Cliffhanger alert! We can barely stand it because we don't know how it'll turn out!! Oh wait, yes we do, because these are celebrities and we've known for months that they get back together. Minus 9.

Through it all, JWoww and Nicole remain BFFs. It's actually kinda sweet. Plus 5.

EPISODE TOTAL: +21. SEASON TOTAL: +199.

Jersey Shore is totally ...

 

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I REALLY DON'T LIKE JERSEY SHORE ANYMORE IT USED TO NOT BE AS STUPID BUT KNOW I HAVE NO INTEREST IN IT ANYMORE NOW THAT I SEE THERE IS NOTHING TO THEIR SHOW

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snooki needs to grow the f0ck up she needs to take responsibiltiy for her actions if nothing else. pauly d is my favorite sooooooo funny

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The Jersey Shore cast are all Beautifulllll!:)

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Worst show ever. These people's mothers should have had abortions. I'm working on a time machine to make that happen. Anyone want to chip in?

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^ What are you talking about? This show rules! :D

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This entire article reads like a text message from Hell.

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Please kill them all with fire before they reproduce

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