Two and a Half Men Recap: Welcome, Walden

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Nudity. Fart jokes. And references to genital warts.

For all the hype and all the headlines made over Ashton Kutcher replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, last night's ninth season premiere didn't exactly stray far from the obvious, immature humor that - incredibly, depressingly - has made this the most-watched sitcom on television for many years.

Two and a Half Men Promotional Pic

Before Kutcher first showed up as a heart-broken billionaire named Walden Schmidt, viewers were treated to cameos that included ex-girlfriends played by Jenny McCarthy, and prospective home buyers played by John Stamos, Jenna Elfman and the guy who portrayed her husband on Dharma & Greg.

The appearance by the latter duo was a nice little shout-out to a past Chuck Lorre hit and at least felt fresh. The same can't be said for anything related to Kutcher's Walden.

Granted, he doesn't really drink and he doesn't intentionally womanize. So there is some difference between this character and the late Charlie Harper. But he also doesn't have a shred of personality.

Who knows if Kutcher was stiff as an actor (insert hilarious joke here about his stiff penis because, hey, he was naked a lot!!!) or if Schmidt was simply written that way, but did anyone find this schlub entertaining? Humorous? In possession of any charisma at all? It's only one episode, but Walden came across as both bland and stupid.

Of course, Two and a Half Men isn't aiming for any high ground here. It's just looking to draw in the same viewers that found Sheen's antics and Jon Cryer's sad sack Alan to be worthy of their attention each week. I'm guessing these are the same people who think it's absolutely hysterical to have a naked straight man hug a clothed straight man and then have the latter's son walk in with a frightened expression on his face.

If you're included in this group, then you likely loved the premiere. If you are not, congratulations. You have taste in television.

What did everyone else think of Kutcher's debut?

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Watch Two and a Half Men Season 9 Premiere Full Episode Video (Charlie Cheen Funeral) http://ow.­ly/6zCoZ

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His name is Thomas Gibson and he is a darn good actor. Now tell me again, who is Jenna Elfman?

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How do you replace Charlie Sheen in a role that was ment for him I love Ashton but not in this role. There is a missing link and it happens to be Charlie. I don't get the long hair and the beard on Ashton this is not the 70's.

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I thought the show was good and people should give it a chance. Whenever there is such a large leadup to a show, people are often disappointed. Remember it is difficult to fill in an actor who has been on the show for 8 years, especially in a 1/2 hour. I think the rest of the cast is so strong that no one is really the leading actor/actress.

Marie gerhard

well he did drink and had a three way with girls he just met, who wants to see him naked that much ...boring show and Mr. Demi Moore still sucks he is no replacement for Charlie Harper..I think they should have just kept the show with out Ashton he is not funny..

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OK so we all had the same thought 'and the guy who played her husband" come on HG you should check that again and re do the story! Thomas Gibson is on TV every night practically with Criminal Minds, Jenna Elfman...NOT! what a shame oh shame HG

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Was going to post the same thing as Lee. Granted, Jenna Elfman is adorable and I am sad her show was canceled because I actually liked it, but Thomas Gibson had had a way more successful TV career. Sheesh.

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"Jenna Elfman and the guy who played her husband"? Uh, that guy, Thomas Gibson, is starting his seventh season playing Aaron Hotchner on Criminal Minds and thus has had a pretty successful career in his own right.

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I think it's in bad taste to leave out the name of "guy who played her husband" Thomas Gibson, taking into consideration that he has been very successful playing Aaron Hotchner on Criminal Minds. I don't think Jenna Elfman has been in anything so popular after Dharma and Greg.

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This was lamer than their usually scripts. The writers used sheen. They fell apart without him. Ashton k was supposed to be a nerd ala facebook guy. I guess ashton k can play stupid clever but not nerdy clever. Or he was just following their lead which I think is possible.