Two and a Half Men Recap: Welcome, Walden

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Nudity. Fart jokes. And references to genital warts.

For all the hype and all the headlines made over Ashton Kutcher replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, last night's ninth season premiere didn't exactly stray far from the obvious, immature humor that - incredibly, depressingly - has made this the most-watched sitcom on television for many years.

Two and a Half Men Promotional Pic

Before Kutcher first showed up as a heart-broken billionaire named Walden Schmidt, viewers were treated to cameos that included ex-girlfriends played by Jenny McCarthy, and prospective home buyers played by John Stamos, Jenna Elfman and the guy who portrayed her husband on Dharma & Greg.

The appearance by the latter duo was a nice little shout-out to a past Chuck Lorre hit and at least felt fresh. The same can't be said for anything related to Kutcher's Walden.

Granted, he doesn't really drink and he doesn't intentionally womanize. So there is some difference between this character and the late Charlie Harper. But he also doesn't have a shred of personality.

Who knows if Kutcher was stiff as an actor (insert hilarious joke here about his stiff penis because, hey, he was naked a lot!!!) or if Schmidt was simply written that way, but did anyone find this schlub entertaining? Humorous? In possession of any charisma at all? It's only one episode, but Walden came across as both bland and stupid.

Of course, Two and a Half Men isn't aiming for any high ground here. It's just looking to draw in the same viewers that found Sheen's antics and Jon Cryer's sad sack Alan to be worthy of their attention each week. I'm guessing these are the same people who think it's absolutely hysterical to have a naked straight man hug a clothed straight man and then have the latter's son walk in with a frightened expression on his face.

If you're included in this group, then you likely loved the premiere. If you are not, congratulations. You have taste in television.

What did everyone else think of Kutcher's debut?


Won't watch. I don't like Ashton.


I just tuned in to see how it went and won't watch anymore. Quit watching several years ago. My main quesiton is why does Ashton have the awful is for his character? I don't find it attractive at all, although he's never done much for me anyway.


Pleeeeez, OMG!! A pet chimp woulda done better than Ashton....while never really a Ashton fan, was willing to give it a all had to many unends left......a dumb hippie style billionaire, isn't that what he really is too.....won't make a million dollar hit show for it....charlie got pd for playing charlie, how many times did they say oh it don't effect the show, he is playing himself basically....1 for one am no longer a fan!! Of the new show!!!


Add my voice to the chorus of "the guy who played her husband" being an example of a lazy research! A quick search would have revealed who Thomas Gibson is, which would have saved the misfire of the intended joke. While you're at it, THG, can you monitor these threads for the people making hate filled threats.


Nope, didn't like the opening, but will give it another chance... I don't think playing a "stupid billionare" with a 70's look will do it tho. I think the writers tried too hard to bring attention to Ashton with the nudity scenes... totally uncalled for during family hour, or in the script at all.... I agree with the writer above, they shound NOT have killed Charlie off, should (they will) they need him back to salvage the show. I give the opening a C-


Harsh and bitter much ppl? Yall need to relax. Charlie screwed himself and as much as i luved him. . . And believe me i did. . . Ashton did a good job. Hello. Chuck Lorre did whats good 4 him. Ashtons good at playin stupid. Kelso anyone?


I don't think they should have killed Charlie off just in case he rehabs and is needed back. Actually I think he IS needed back. I never cared for Ashton as an actor but hoped he would have exploded into one on this, my one time favorate show. But nooooo!! He bombed. I will give it another shot but they need to give him a personality. I was very disappointed.


Wow, pretentious much? The naked hugging scenes were funny because they showed how socially awkward this Schmidt character is and yes seeing my dad in the embrace of a nude male in the house we all live in would frighten/shock me too. He's smart, heart-broken, and totally unaware of life beyond his ex until he sleeps with the two sluts from the bar and then realizes he might kinda like it. To say the least, I will watch on just to see where it goes.


Charlie Sheen made the show and Jon Cryer played off Charlie's humor. Sad but Cryer can forget another Emmy for Two and A Half Men. You can't replace the one who made the show what it was. Will just have to watch reruns of the old ones with Charlie.


I don't think it's Ashton's fault; think it's the writers who were probably trying to do a 180 from Charlie's character, but yes, he bombed. I've never been an Ashton fan per se, but have seen him do better than this; maybe they should have signed Demi as Charlie's replacement. I found the episode depressing and sad, like a death. It will never be the same without Charlie. I had truly hoped for the rest of the wonderful cast that it could continue, but even Jon Cryer was a dud without Charlie. Rest in peace, Two and 1/2 Men. Oh yes, we all agree, you owe Thomas Gibson an apology---in writing.

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Ashton Kutcher Biography

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Ashton Kutcher made more headlines than ever throughout 2011. Following a modest movie career, he took over for Charlie Sheen on Two and... More »
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Ashton Kutcher