The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Keepin' it Classy in Punta Cana

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey made their way to the Dominican Republic's Punta Cana this week with one question on their minds. Can't we all just get along?

What are the odds of that? Let's find out in our +/- recap!

Have you ever noticed how incredibly blinged out Teresa's phone is? Plus 5 because I don't think you could fit one more sparkle, sequin, or rhinestone and still be able to speak.

Joe Giudice in Action

But the trip really starts off with the packing. Seriously, they're going away for four days and Teresa has nine bags. And I've never seen so much leopard print luggage in my life. Apparently it's a hot item in Jersey.

Plus 8 to Lauren who points out that if sharks are attracted to shiny objects, Teresa and Melissa are shark bait. That could put a quick end to this vacation.

There were so many things that made me ill in this episode it's hard to count them all ... but here goes.

Did Joe Guidice, Richie, Albie, and Chris really have to jump out of the vehicles to pee on the side of the road? As if TV doesn't make Jersey look trashy enough, these idiots have to prove it to the Dominican Republic. Minus 10. Apparently they needed their Mommies to ask them if they had to go before they left the airport.

Which was worse? Watching Joe Gorga sniff Melissa's bikini bottoms or listening to Joe Guidice complain about how his wife's menstrual cycle was going to ruin vacation sex? Minus 20 because I almost turned off the TV.

Then we got to watch Teresa have her own little bikini fashion show. Talk about needing to be the center of attention.  There simply isn't enough coffee to get you through a morning of Teresa parading around in her stripper outfits. Minus another 8.

The Manzo kids seem to be having the most fun here. Plus 7 to Chris and Albie who had me laughing about Richie's resemblance to Jeff Goldblum and the similarities between Punta Cana and Jurassic Park. Plus it was nice to see Lauren having fun with her brothers.

Teresa Giudice Bikini Photo

Caroline got off easy with her migraine. Plus 10 for choosing to stay behind and sleep in blissful peace and quiet. You knew there'd be none of that on the catamaran trip.

I'd love to see the bar tab for this little party. Yikes!   

There's more talk about the Gorga's and Guidice's sex lives. Do you ever wonder why they advertise it so much? What are they compensating for?

I expected the first fight to go to Teresa and Melissa or the dueling Joes. Instead it went to Teresa and Kathy. I didn't think Kathy was intentionally trying to poke the beast but then again, it didn't take much. Suddenly, Teresa was bringing up the fight from the christening once again. Minus 9. So much for leaving the past in the past.

My favorite moment of the night was when Albert asked an obvious and intelligent question of Joe Guidice's restaurant scheme. "Where's the money going to come from to make the payroll every week?" Plus 20! There's a concept. An actual business plan. Joe's response, "It doesn't matter." Is it any surprise he's so familiar with bankruptcy court?

The fun in Punta Cana continues next week. For now, here's where our points ended up:

EPISODE TOTAL: +3! SEASON TOTAL: -76!

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