The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Drama in Joe-Boken

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey were back this week and it truly was painful, in so many ways. Let's relive all the action in THG's + or - recap!

Teresa fills in Caroline and Jacqueline about her husband and brother's text feud. Plus 10 goes immediately to Caroline who points out that fighting via text messages is for high school girls, not grown men. Of course, your average high school girl might have more common sense than this crowd.

Teresa Laughs

Teresa laments what she should do about Milania's upcoming birthday party. Should she invite her brother? Should she ask her husband to play nice? Another Plus 5 for Caroline telling the men to act like big boys. It's a child's birthday party. If these two can't shut their mouths for a few hours so a kid can enjoy her birthday, well that's pretty sad.

Later, the Housewives crew participates in a charity 5K run. Why are they there? No one really seems to know. Hopefully they're all donating money for the cause. 

Teresa has to pull her husband out of bed for the event. Please God, do I have to see Joe Guidice in his underwear? Is this punishment for something? Minus 8 because now I have to try and burn that image from my brain.

Albie, Chris, Greg, and Lauren were hysterical as they made fun of Teresa and her books. What's next? A book about today's charity event titled The Walking Italian? How about dealing with her sister and we call it The Jealous Italian. An SAT prep book for The Stupid Italian or Teresa's take on the Kama Sutra, The F*cking Italian. Plus 15 to them all because I couldn't stop laughing.

As usual, this crowd is late to the event. The race has already started as they pull up. Minus 5.

What is with those outfits? Teresa looks like she stepped out of an '80s music video and Melissa must be auditioning for Josie and the Pussy Cats. Chris makes fun of his mom saying she looks like the homeless woman in the group but that's only because she's dressed normally.

Joe Guidice tells his wife, "You know me. I don't start nothin'." Then proceeds to openly make fun of his brother-in-law. Minus 7.

Kathy seems to be the only one taking this race seriously although Teresa also manages to finish. Plus 8 for making the effort. Caroline and Melissa bow out before they even begin. Joe Gorga, Albie, Chris, and Greg cheat by crawling under a fence and taking a massive short cut. Sad but funny just the same.

Joe Guidice comes in last but he brings the wine and sausage for the after race tailgating so he earns a Plus 5.

Joe and Melissa Gorga

Joe and Melissa visit the boys in Hoboken. Greg is Melissa's best new girlfriend as he not so secretly lusts after her husband. We also got more information than I ever wanted about Tarzan Joe's grooming techniques. Minus 5.

It's Milania's 5th birthday and Teresa can't do the pink stretch limos and over the top extravaganzas she's done in the past. So they hold a pizza party at Joe's restaurant. The kids got to make pizzas and everyone is fairly civil.

Then Gia sings a song for her sister and another for her Mom and Uncle Joe. The little girl breaks down in tears. She simply wants them to act like they love one another. 

The saddest part about the entire episode is that Teresa feels that the song is meant for Joe, not her. Her little girl is having a breakdown and still all the woman can do is point fingers and put on a show. Minus 15. Seems like the children in this family have better communication skills than the adults.

EPISODE TOTAL: +3! SEASON TOTAL: -79!

The entire crew flies off to Mexico next week. Will the country ever be the same?

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Teresa Giudice Biography

Steppin Out Feature
Teresa Giudice is a Real Housewife of New Jersey. She was born in the Garden State and is married to a guy named Joe. She has three... More »
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Teresa Giudice