Jersey Shore Season Premiere Recap: Italy, Welcome to the Freak Show

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Taking the MTV phenomenon they've created abroad, the cast members of Jersey Shore certainly didn't waste time getting down to business in Italy.

As the description on our Comcast digital guide put it, "violence," "intensely sexual situations" and "intensely suggestive dialogue" were prevalent.

While the season premiere didn't quite live up to the hype, it did set up a couple of key story arcs and offer plenty of amusing Jersey Shore quotes.

Let's break down the fourth season opener, THG +/- style!

Boning Up

Snooki shows off a pair of I Heart Vinny underwear as she packs. Plus 4.

"No granatos." - Vinny, boning up on his Italian and simultaneously conveying what he will not be boning in Italia. Allegedly. Amazing. Plus 9.

"I'll bring guys home, but I won't do sex." - Deena. Lie. Minus 6.

Uncle Nino said something ... well, it was authentic. Plus 8, because we really hope to see more of this guy. Same goes for Single Ronnie.

"[It's] decorated Italy style." Snooki, who tried to pesos at the Milan airport, on their new pad. Minus 4 for whatever "style" that hideous place is.

Snooki again with this gem: "Italy's like that big country. No, Europe is that big country. They have Britain, England, and Italy." God, Minus 10.

"Lock up your daughters. Handcuff your wives." - Mike. Plus 3.

Ronnie and Sammi have an awkward first encounter. SHOCKER. Minus 13.

The ladies (term used very loosely) have a nice discussion about breasts. Oddly, this is how meathead guys imagine girls talk about breasts. Plus 7.

What a Nice View

Vinny interrupts Snooki's work-out session with his grundle. Plus 12.

"It's a way of cleaning your butthole after going to the bathroom." - Vinny, on the bidet. Wash, for the play on words (get it?!) and 'cause we got nothin'.

There needs to be a Snooki-attacked-by-avian-life montage every week. Team Pigeons. Plus 6, because they likely carry fewer diseases than she.

Surprisingly little drama in the house so far. Minus 2, until ...

Situation confesses to Ronnie that he hooked up with Snooki - more than once - and may be in love with her?! Didn't see that one coming. Plus 9.

And she was dating Jionni LaValle a the time? Wow. Minus 5.

Why is Sitch confiding in Ronnie exactly? No points, just asking. Ronnie's expression was a hybrid of disbelief and fear. He doesn't wanna be involved!

"Taxi arrivato!" - Pauly, prior to meat market/club trip. Plus 3.

Vinny now as Sitch's wingman AND translator. Plus 6.

Putting his money were his disgusting mouth is, Mike decided to maul Snooki's face at a club. Minus only 4, because that club looked like fun!

Pauly D, Deena Make Out

"If these boobies could talk they would say, I'm a good time, I'm a blast in a bra." - Pauly, on Deena's outfit. Nice play on her catchphrase. Plus 5.

Deena demanded Pauly D kiss her. Hard to blame her, as he is kind of the man. We blame MTV for that close-up of tongues, however. Minus 12.

She can die happy now, Snooki notes. We will die painfully, so Wash.

Vinny, on Deena, summing it up eloquently: "She got a fat ass, she got the boobs, but at the same time, she's just one of the guys." Plus 6.

EPISODE TOTAL: +22.

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