Jersey Shore Recap: Wall 1, Situation 0!

Ronnie and Mike's epic throwdown on Jersey Shore picked up last night in a special Sunday episode before the Video Music Awards. So who won the big fight?

We're gonna say the wall by TKO.

In typical Jersey Shore fashion, the events had to be seen to be believed, and the fallout was uglier than the altercation itself. Never a dull moment ...

As always, we've recapped all the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you. Let's break last night's episode, "And The Wall Won," THG +/- style!

Not wasting any time, we pick up right where we left off, and the violence ensued when Ron's pent-up anger toward Mike could not be contained. Well, Sitch's head got rammed into the wall ... by Sitch. Seriously. Minus 20.

There's no attempting to explain that one. Vinny, Pauly D, Jenni and Snooki look on half-worried, but mostly just disgusted or stunned. It's hard to say. Plus 5.

Security eventually breaks it up. Plus 4 for saving Sitch and all, but Minus 4 because since when do they intervene when cast members beats on themselves?

Pauly D opines that perhaps Mike bashed his head into the wall simply to get away from the drama that is Sammi and Ronnie. Not a terrible theory. Plus 10.

"Not one scrape on my pretty face," The Situation says. "All those muscles didn't do s--t." Minus 7 because his sweatshirt is torn and his brain is bruised.

JWoww, the voice of reason this season, tries to get Ron to calm down. Plus 3.

Sammi, the voice of pure pain every season, makes it all about her. Minus 12.

In typical Ron fashion, he quickly starts regretting what he did and cries. Plus 8 for at least showing genuine emotion. It's why people love the show, because for better or worse, these guys and girls are who they are.

Vinny tells Ron he'll help him control his anger. Good luck with that. Minus 4.

Ron to Sam, before admitting he's called other girls: "I do care about you more than I care about myself." Plus 3, 'cause that line really does sound good even when you don't mean it and your actions indicate the reverse.

OMG! Sammi is DONE! For good this time! Minus 14.

Ronnie decides to bail on Jersey Shore. Vinny talks him off the ledge and the cast remains intact for now. Plus 5 for the tension in the house right now. It's one misstep away from absolutely exploding with mass casualties.

"Light concussion with a light sprain. That's not good because for the next couple of days I can't GTL." - Situation's diagnosis and analysis. Plus 10.

Ron apologizes. Mike says ... he'll fight Ron next time. Minus 8 for not putting it to bed right there, and for feeling sorry for yourself so hard, Sitch.

Pauly starts a fight with a guy at a club. Minus 4 because we have no idea why, but Plus 9 because this was an afterthought in this insane episode.

Ron decides not to bring home some girl to show Sammi he's the bigger person. He buys her flowers. He admits he's been a d!ck. Attaboy! Plus 7.

Sam kills mood. Ron takes back flowers. Ah well. Minus 7.

EPISODE TOTAL: -16. SEASON TOTAL: +88.

Whose side are you on?