Bachelor Pad Recap: Jake vs. Kasey, Winner Take All

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Last night on Bachelor Pad, Melissa went insane, Jake's feud with Kasey escalated, Bret Michaels showed up, and there was synchronized swimming involved.

Just another eventful night on ABC's guilty pleasure spinoff hit.

By the end, it was Jake Pavelka and Kasey Kahl on the block again, with a weird ending that would have people talking if the format actually mattered.

Read about it below in THG's official +/- Bachelor Pad recap:

Not In Sync

Blake, on Melissa: "She's like a live wire that's flailing around on the ground ready to zap somebody, and I'm covered in water." Plus 4 for that metaphor.

Speaking of water, the challenge is synchronized swimming! If you thought the girls would have a big edge here, boy did you think wrong. Minus 5.

Obligatory Minus 2 for Erica's attempt at "swimming."

Despite not playing to his self-proclaimed strengths - mental durability, physical strength and problem solving - Jake is the star ballerina! Plus 9.

Michael wins the rose, however, resulting in another boring, sappy date with Holly. Minus only 1, though, because at least this wasn't scripted.

Vienna Girardi, who was asked to come along on Mike's date for reasons unknown to all, spends the whole time whining. God, she is painful. Minus 9.

Once you get past the random, awkward ridiculousness of his cameo and "performance" for Holly and Mike, Bret Michaels is kind of the man. Plus 11.

Song choice: "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Obvi. Plus 4.

Michelle Money, the girls' winner, is pretty darn likable on Bachelor Pad. Plus 13 for turning around her image. She's not perfect, but seems genuine.

Michelle Money Shot

Minus 7, though, for her pronunciation of Graham. Graaaaaaaaaahm. Not annoying at all. Plus 3 for those two, while we're at it. So cute together!

"I think you're great," Michelle says. "You barely know me," Graham responds. Still, they make out hard. Michelle definitely gets after it. Plus 5.

Minus 4 for the rose appearing and disappearing from Graaaaaaaaaaahm's shirt. Even we noticed that one, editors. Step up your game.

Back at the Pad, Jake Pavelka conspires to plot Kasey's demise. Plus 6.

Sadly, his plot does not involve playing "The Rainbow Connection" on repeat until Kasey loses his mind, attacks him and is removed from the house. Minus 3.

"I was willing to do whatever I need to do." - Jake, who then backed up his words, alright. He kissed Erica, and it was nothing short of foul. Minus 10.

She was a fan, however. "I have good lips that I maintain by getting injections every six months," she says. Gross, but Plus 6 for unintentional comedy.

Hey, look at that, we forgot William was still on the show! Plus 5.

The more riled up Kasey gets, the harder he is to understand, as his voice resembles a frog's. Plus 19, because no one cares what he's saying anyway.

  • Kasey Kahl Photo
  • Vienna Girardi Bikini Photo

Vienna Girardi's fake boobs are ALL over the place this week. Like, more than usual. Given her personality, how did she ever win The Bachelor?! Minus 3.

Kasey gets down on one knee and gives Vienna a ring ... a promise ring. SO lame, and yet fitting, as these two are developmentally in first grade. Wash.

Even Vienna can't take Kasey's singing half seriously. Take a hint. Unless ABC is paying him cash under the table to pull this, what a douche. Minus 11.

Melissa is freaking out. Like, panic-attack style. Xanax time. Minus 2.

A twist: Only one guy will go home this week! Not that anyone watches Bachelor Pad for the competition aspect, but Minus 4 for rules changing weekly.

With one final rose remaining, Chris just says "Kasey" ... and then we fade to black. Huh? He then says on Twitter that "It will all make sense next week!" Is Bachelor Pad trying to make us think? What gives? So confusing. Minus 15.

One theory: Jake punches Kasey in the junk before he bolts for the limo, and ABC just wanted to save that for next week's show. We can hope. Plus 2.

The Mask always cracks us up with his spots during the credits. Plus 3.

EPISODE TOTAL: +14. SEASON TOTAL: +28.

GONE: Jake Pavelka (we think), Dignity.

Whose side are you on?

 

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Maybe Kasey said something nasty to Jake and Chris hollered out Kasey and then maybe said watch your mouth, whatever!!!

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Hope Jake will win this competition, i love him to death and i don't want to watch the show if Jake will be voted off...vienna and kasey need to go home. I wish to see Jake in person, i hope.

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WTF - CASEY NEEDS TO GO!!! cant someone teat him pronunciation.. he talks like he swallowed a ball and don't get me started on Vienna - UGHHH they make me puke ! I would have loved to see Casey voted off - i bet she wouldn't have walked off with him to prove her love like Ames did last week - because she is FAKE and cant be real! AMES - You rock btw .. Proud of Michelle for being who she is now.. she has my vote.. i

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I want Casey gone, Vienna Sausage should be gone next. I want a Vienna/Jake showdown without Casey!!! I love the fellow Texan Jake is awesome!!!

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I don't know what Jake saw in Vienna in the first place. She is one crossed eyed bitch. Always crying about something. Boo who go home Vienna.

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I hope Casey goes home. He and Vienna are nuts. She Is crazy. Jake is better off without her.

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Vienna is using Kasey as a pon to show her face, and Kasey is so stupid he does not understand she is using him. Jake does not want that chick. Vienna is a deviant, spoiled brat, manipulating witch. She tries to act like a goody two-shoes but everyone knows she is a scank. She wants Jake but Jake has too much class for her. Both Kasey and Vienna wants this attention. I wonder how much they are getting paid.

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Vienna has a problem it is evident after last nights show. She craves attention. She has blamed the break-up between her and Jake on Jake and I believed her, but not anymore. Casey himself said that Vienna just wants attention. Casey is an obsessive person and Vienna should get away from that relationship asap. I wish Casey and Vienna were both off the show. I would love to see anyone win but those two.

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Sorry but at the end of the show didn't Chris Harris say if you don't hear your name you need to leave the limo is waiting. I heard Kasey's name and the show cut off so in all reality doesn't that mean arrogant Jake is going home!!!! Yeah you can't pick on the weak and crying to further yourself Jake!! Good bye fingers crossed.

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as each week passes my annoyance grows for Kasey and Vienna, Glad Jake was able to get the closure... Vienna has got to get over the past, she's so fake and an attention Who*e, Kasey is a lost cause... i think Melissa needs to go to Therapy... can't wait to watch the drama unfold next week!