Bachelor Pad Recap: Jake vs. Kasey, Winner Take All

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Last night on Bachelor Pad, Melissa went insane, Jake's feud with Kasey escalated, Bret Michaels showed up, and there was synchronized swimming involved.

Just another eventful night on ABC's guilty pleasure spinoff hit.

By the end, it was Jake Pavelka and Kasey Kahl on the block again, with a weird ending that would have people talking if the format actually mattered.

Read about it below in THG's official +/- Bachelor Pad recap:

Not In Sync

Blake, on Melissa: "She's like a live wire that's flailing around on the ground ready to zap somebody, and I'm covered in water." Plus 4 for that metaphor.

Speaking of water, the challenge is synchronized swimming! If you thought the girls would have a big edge here, boy did you think wrong. Minus 5.

Obligatory Minus 2 for Erica's attempt at "swimming."

Despite not playing to his self-proclaimed strengths - mental durability, physical strength and problem solving - Jake is the star ballerina! Plus 9.

Michael wins the rose, however, resulting in another boring, sappy date with Holly. Minus only 1, though, because at least this wasn't scripted.

Vienna Girardi, who was asked to come along on Mike's date for reasons unknown to all, spends the whole time whining. God, she is painful. Minus 9.

Once you get past the random, awkward ridiculousness of his cameo and "performance" for Holly and Mike, Bret Michaels is kind of the man. Plus 11.

Song choice: "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Obvi. Plus 4.

Michelle Money, the girls' winner, is pretty darn likable on Bachelor Pad. Plus 13 for turning around her image. She's not perfect, but seems genuine.

Michelle Money Shot

Minus 7, though, for her pronunciation of Graham. Graaaaaaaaaahm. Not annoying at all. Plus 3 for those two, while we're at it. So cute together!

"I think you're great," Michelle says. "You barely know me," Graham responds. Still, they make out hard. Michelle definitely gets after it. Plus 5.

Minus 4 for the rose appearing and disappearing from Graaaaaaaaaaahm's shirt. Even we noticed that one, editors. Step up your game.

Back at the Pad, Jake Pavelka conspires to plot Kasey's demise. Plus 6.

Sadly, his plot does not involve playing "The Rainbow Connection" on repeat until Kasey loses his mind, attacks him and is removed from the house. Minus 3.

"I was willing to do whatever I need to do." - Jake, who then backed up his words, alright. He kissed Erica, and it was nothing short of foul. Minus 10.

She was a fan, however. "I have good lips that I maintain by getting injections every six months," she says. Gross, but Plus 6 for unintentional comedy.

Hey, look at that, we forgot William was still on the show! Plus 5.

The more riled up Kasey gets, the harder he is to understand, as his voice resembles a frog's. Plus 19, because no one cares what he's saying anyway.

  • Kasey Kahl Photo
  • Vienna Girardi Bikini Photo

Vienna Girardi's fake boobs are ALL over the place this week. Like, more than usual. Given her personality, how did she ever win The Bachelor?! Minus 3.

Kasey gets down on one knee and gives Vienna a ring ... a promise ring. SO lame, and yet fitting, as these two are developmentally in first grade. Wash.

Even Vienna can't take Kasey's singing half seriously. Take a hint. Unless ABC is paying him cash under the table to pull this, what a douche. Minus 11.

Melissa is freaking out. Like, panic-attack style. Xanax time. Minus 2.

A twist: Only one guy will go home this week! Not that anyone watches Bachelor Pad for the competition aspect, but Minus 4 for rules changing weekly.

With one final rose remaining, Chris just says "Kasey" ... and then we fade to black. Huh? He then says on Twitter that "It will all make sense next week!" Is Bachelor Pad trying to make us think? What gives? So confusing. Minus 15.

One theory: Jake punches Kasey in the junk before he bolts for the limo, and ABC just wanted to save that for next week's show. We can hope. Plus 2.

The Mask always cracks us up with his spots during the credits. Plus 3.

EPISODE TOTAL: +14. SEASON TOTAL: +28.

GONE: Jake Pavelka (we think), Dignity.

Whose side are you on?

 

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Jake was the only reason I watched the show! Hate hate hate Kasey. Such an ass.

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The "sappy" relationship between Holly and Michael is now the highlight of the show. It's refreshing to see a woman with depth and feeling. But depth can be an obstacle to breadth, and Holly, unfortunately, is in a phase where she prefers the latter. The conflict between Holly and Holly is what keeps me watching! Melissa is not the one who is insane. "Insane" more aptly describes the "Power Couple" and their craven slaves. Kasey Boy Emperor is stuck in the first grade and Vienna Svengali is stuck in the last grade: What a match! It's nice to see that Jake Pathetic has finally risen from his apologetic knees. Ooops! -- he's gone? Wait: Maybe one of Vienna's henchmen stuffed the ballot box. But who really cares, at this point? That brings us back to Holly.

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I am no longer going to watch this show. It is so sad that Jake went home. He was the main character as far as I could see. Vienna is a weird person, I think she still loves Jake but wants all the attention by crying. That fool that she is with should have gone home. My daugher and I will not be watching the show anymore. Why bother? Not much to see now that Jake is gone home. Sad, Ruth

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I am sad that Jake has gone home. Don't like Vienna and the one who stands beside her through thick and thin. Done watching the show. My daughter and I both have agreed it should not have happened. Not going to watch anymore of this foolishness. Ames was a gentleman, he went with the woman that he loved, so kind and so gentle he was. Jake did not want revenge, he saved Vienna from going home on the first show.

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Hi-Friend
If you talk about the flower
Nature of beauty is shower
Goodwill of friendship breath
Promise to love that till death.....................

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Without Jake I am not watching this show anymore. I can't stand tool Kasey and all the idiots that dance to his and Vienna tune. Maybe I'll watch the next Bachelor Pad after this one.

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Fucking Kirk. He didnt fucking vote for Kasey to go home. They're basically gonna go to the end now. Just like last season. He blew it. Kirk is so expendable to his alliance. Nobody except the power couples have a shot. I wanted Jake to stay. Kaseys an annoying dick and Viennas an annoying bitch. LOL@ the synchro swimming tho!

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AGREED THAT JAKE IS FAKE!!!!!! KACY PLAYED THE GAME FAIR AND DID NOT LIED TO OTHERS TO MAKE HIM STAY! WHEREAS JAKE TRIED TO CONVINCE EVERYONE AGAINST KACY!!!!! LOVE IT IF JAKE WENT HOME!!!! HATE HATE HIM, CAN DEFINITELY SEE THROUGH HIM. HE TRIES AND ACT SMART ON WHAT HE SHOULD SAY AND DOES THAT WILL MAKE AMERICA LOVES HIM! IM NOT FALLING FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Seriously...I agree with most of you on here...I'm not watching this show as Jake left...I was rooting for the guy cause i seriously hate vienna and kasey...She annoys me and he's such a tool, she is manipulative and controls Kasey, he just doesn't know it yet...oh well show is boring now

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I read somewhere that Jake goes home but I hate the way they did it and it ruins the drama of the show. Now it's just boring...would have been much more interesting if Kasey was sent packing.