Bachelor Pad Recap: Jake vs. Kasey, Winner Take All

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Last night on Bachelor Pad, Melissa went insane, Jake's feud with Kasey escalated, Bret Michaels showed up, and there was synchronized swimming involved.

Just another eventful night on ABC's guilty pleasure spinoff hit.

By the end, it was Jake Pavelka and Kasey Kahl on the block again, with a weird ending that would have people talking if the format actually mattered.

Read about it below in THG's official +/- Bachelor Pad recap:

Not In Sync

Blake, on Melissa: "She's like a live wire that's flailing around on the ground ready to zap somebody, and I'm covered in water." Plus 4 for that metaphor.

Speaking of water, the challenge is synchronized swimming! If you thought the girls would have a big edge here, boy did you think wrong. Minus 5.

Obligatory Minus 2 for Erica's attempt at "swimming."

Despite not playing to his self-proclaimed strengths - mental durability, physical strength and problem solving - Jake is the star ballerina! Plus 9.

Michael wins the rose, however, resulting in another boring, sappy date with Holly. Minus only 1, though, because at least this wasn't scripted.

Vienna Girardi, who was asked to come along on Mike's date for reasons unknown to all, spends the whole time whining. God, she is painful. Minus 9.

Once you get past the random, awkward ridiculousness of his cameo and "performance" for Holly and Mike, Bret Michaels is kind of the man. Plus 11.

Song choice: "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Obvi. Plus 4.

Michelle Money, the girls' winner, is pretty darn likable on Bachelor Pad. Plus 13 for turning around her image. She's not perfect, but seems genuine.

Michelle Money Shot

Minus 7, though, for her pronunciation of Graham. Graaaaaaaaaahm. Not annoying at all. Plus 3 for those two, while we're at it. So cute together!

"I think you're great," Michelle says. "You barely know me," Graham responds. Still, they make out hard. Michelle definitely gets after it. Plus 5.

Minus 4 for the rose appearing and disappearing from Graaaaaaaaaaahm's shirt. Even we noticed that one, editors. Step up your game.

Back at the Pad, Jake Pavelka conspires to plot Kasey's demise. Plus 6.

Sadly, his plot does not involve playing "The Rainbow Connection" on repeat until Kasey loses his mind, attacks him and is removed from the house. Minus 3.

"I was willing to do whatever I need to do." - Jake, who then backed up his words, alright. He kissed Erica, and it was nothing short of foul. Minus 10.

She was a fan, however. "I have good lips that I maintain by getting injections every six months," she says. Gross, but Plus 6 for unintentional comedy.

Hey, look at that, we forgot William was still on the show! Plus 5.

The more riled up Kasey gets, the harder he is to understand, as his voice resembles a frog's. Plus 19, because no one cares what he's saying anyway.

  • Kasey Kahl Photo
  • Vienna Girardi Bikini Photo

Vienna Girardi's fake boobs are ALL over the place this week. Like, more than usual. Given her personality, how did she ever win The Bachelor?! Minus 3.

Kasey gets down on one knee and gives Vienna a ring ... a promise ring. SO lame, and yet fitting, as these two are developmentally in first grade. Wash.

Even Vienna can't take Kasey's singing half seriously. Take a hint. Unless ABC is paying him cash under the table to pull this, what a douche. Minus 11.

Melissa is freaking out. Like, panic-attack style. Xanax time. Minus 2.

A twist: Only one guy will go home this week! Not that anyone watches Bachelor Pad for the competition aspect, but Minus 4 for rules changing weekly.

With one final rose remaining, Chris just says "Kasey" ... and then we fade to black. Huh? He then says on Twitter that "It will all make sense next week!" Is Bachelor Pad trying to make us think? What gives? So confusing. Minus 15.

One theory: Jake punches Kasey in the junk before he bolts for the limo, and ABC just wanted to save that for next week's show. We can hope. Plus 2.

The Mask always cracks us up with his spots during the credits. Plus 3.

EPISODE TOTAL: +14. SEASON TOTAL: +28.

GONE: Jake Pavelka (we think), Dignity.

Whose side are you on?

 

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Erica is a whore in a half. She was on SHE'S CUT OFF!!! Her family has so much money and everything about her is fake. She admitted it, and said she would do anything to win, including sleep with or anything to win. What does that tell you. She is sooooo messed up. She needs a reality check and should be in for plastic surgery rehab. She thinks she is a princess, yeah, she has money already, but everything is fake including her botox lips, boobs, lipo and attitude. Listen up people, she has never had a job, never has done anything for herself. She has servants waiting on her hand and foot. We should all be so lucky. It's time to cut her off. GET RID OF THE "PRINCES WHORE"

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I agree with Flo and Sweet T! Totally hate Kasey & Vienna! Talk about a bunch of idiots! After Jake got booted off I changed the channel. Tired of watching the stupid immaturity of Kasey & Vienna.

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I cant stand Kasey and Vienna. Is really messed up Jake is out, but i have a feeling it isn't over especially with the mysterious guy at the end of the episodes and with Jake out there lower ratings. I'm guessing a big surprise at the end.

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I am extremely pissed that Jake isnt on the show anymore....What do people see in Vienna and Casey anyway? I would not trust them at all!

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I can't stand Kasey and that slut.. What is wrong with the others? They need to just voted them off. Especially that whinning ugly woman...

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E news showed a clip for monday's episode and Jake is gone, what a shame as I was routing for him to stay

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I hate Kasey and Vienna. She is the fugliest and mouthy b$#ch I've seen in my life. Kasey is an idiot-you don't see what she is up to??I won't be surprised when she ends up with some dude at the end of the show. I'm sorry that Jake had to go. Other game-other time!

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I'm confused. I thought Chris said that the name he read was the person going home, and then he said "Kasey." So I thought Kasey went home. Everyone here seems to think Jake went home. I'm really mad that I'm caught up in this:-|

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Jake should have stayed, Kasey is an idiot and I hope he takes his promise ring back, because Vienna is only using him for the show, she doesn't love him. Whoever voted to send Jake home just cut their own throat. Jake whether he meant it or not said he didn't care about winning at this point, just getting the idiot couple (Kasey and Vienna) off. Cant believe the little follower group can see this, open your eyes people.

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this has got to be the most rediculous show I have ever seen. Man, what drama. and the throwing paint balls at the one you find most unattractive and want to go home. Isn't that a bit immature. Vienna is pretty but a total manipulator. How does she get any guy? Holly is ugly and so is Melissa. I like Ella and I like Michelle. the guys are pretty much gay.

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