Teen Mom Recap: A Study in Cohabitation

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Three of the four Teen Mom stars moved in with their significant others on last night's episode. The lone exception, Farrah Abraham, lost hers years ago.

Of course, while Amber Portwood deals with that boob Gary Shirley, Farrah is focused instead on her new boobs and modeling career, not relationships.

Let's break down last night's episode, THG style!

The Fair Farrah

On good terms this second, Amber and Gary move into a house. He's got a job doing "in-home health care." And apparently raiding people's kitchens. Plus 7.

No sooner does he proclaim "It's gonna be great," than a step in the house literally collapses under the weight of the moment. And Gary. Amazing. Plus 14.

His excuse: "pressed wood, ain't my fault." That's what they all say. Minus 2.

Before long, the squabbling begins, with Gary telling Amber, "Watch your mouth before I take Leah from ya." Producers? Fist-pumping. DCFS? Cringing. Wash.

Amber's brother, with whom they were supposed to meet up, warns, "It's gonna come back and bite you in the ass one day." More like every day. Minus 8.

Five words: Gary Shirley. Shirtless. Water park. Minus 12.

New C-cups in tow, Farrah worked a gig as a hair model in Denver. She does have great hair. Plus only 4, because she really didn't need the new chest.

Homesick, Farrah laments, "It's draining to stand there and smile all day ... It's hard being in modeling and being a mom." So true, girl. Plus 3.

Maci, Bentley

Maci Bookout is having a hard time financially. Employed BF Kyle King to the rescue! "You need me?" he asks. "I need you." This kind of exchange is so sweet, but often results in things that cost A LOT of money, if you know what we mean.

We mean kids. No points, just saying ... use protection.

Plus 4 for Kyle stepping up, in all seriousness, to take that responsibility, and Plus 4 more for little Bentley, who approves, and is just the cutest!

Of course, Ryan Edwards claims they are violating some unnamed Tennessee law if "y'all gonna live together and not be married." This from an unemployed dude who lives at home (and who once lived, unwed, with Maci). Minus 13.

In other news, Tyler and Catelynn are totes getting their own place. He's getting cold feet. Moving in with your girlfriend/stepsister will do that. Plus 3.

Classic apartment-hunting quote: "A picture frame would look real nice over this gaping hole in the wall." When life hands you lemons, right? Plus 2.

Despite his promise that he won't let this new living arrangement cause him to miss class, you know that pledge is lasting about 12 hours. Minus 4.

When he looks at that photo of daughter Carly, though? Dusty in here. Plus 5.

EPISODE TOTAL: +3. SEASON TOTAL: +5.

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Catelynn? She hasn't done anything and they didn't even keep the baby. Her and Tyler are just getting jobs, a year after their baby, they flunked school last year and couldn't graduate? I mean they could have flunked and been jobless with the baby? Farrah and Maci seem to be the ones who will have decent careers.

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who would want Gary as a home health aide?? he makes horrible choices for the world to see. and I think farrah and catelynn are the only ones who will make it in,life

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Maci and Catelynn are the only two that have any hope of leading a decent life. Maci just needs to get out of those southern girl habits, especially with men. Very predictable and my God does it ever crash and burn. Keep it up and she'll be 24 with 5 kids from different daddies. Im from the south, I see it every day. Women here are beautiful, but extremely persistent about making dumb choices on men.

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agreed janice he is

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Bentley is seriously the cutest kid I have ever seen. That is all.

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