Bristol Palin reveals in her new memoir, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far (yes, Bristol Palin has a memoir), that Levi Johnston is a "gnat."
One who tapped that piece while she was drunk.
The 20-year-old single mom says, in an excerpt from the book, that "the gnat named Levi Johnston is constantly spreading false accusations against our family."
He's also a self-involved slacker, apparently.
Bristol Palin says that Levi, the father of her two-year-old son Tripp, "cheated on me about as frequently as he sharpened his hockey skates."
We assume that's a lot.
Speaking of Tripp, he was conceived on a camping trip upon which Bristol got drunk for the first time - on wine coolers. When she woke up the next morning in her tent, alone, Bristol had no recollection of what happened.
Somewhere, Sarah Palin is gritting her teeth.Meanwhile, Levi was "talking with his friends on the other side of the canvas." Sounds like a cheap one-night stand ... but they hit it again.
While the couple agreed not to have sex again until they were married, they continued to do so. Bristol, who insists she was taking birth control pills prescribed "to treat menstrual cramps" at the time, soon discovered she was pregnant.
Levi Johnston's alleged reaction to the pregnancy?
"Better be a (bleeping) boy," he reportedly said.
As luck would have it, it (bleeping) was!
Suffice it to say, if these teases are any indication, Johnston will not come off looking like a swell guy in the book, which hits stores next week.
Luckily, Levi's own memoir, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs, is also due out this fall. Sharpen up those skates, baby.