The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Stick a Fork in Lea Black!

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After each episode ends on Tuesday nights, we vow never to watch these Miami broads again. And yet, here we are.

It's as if we're saying to Andy Cohen, "Show us how much worse it can get. We sit here week after week waiting for this show to measure up to the other franchises, and each time we're disappointed."

I believe this series isn't working because Miami does not appeal to the masses.

The Real Housewives formula is almost flawless. Almost. The production company must be careful to select a city based on what they believe their readers will enjoy.

Beverly Hills was an obvious choice (albeit a little late).

Naturally we adore (and most of the time loathe) our Orange County bimbos and we find the tri-state dopes challenging.

Atlanta and D.C. we could take or leave, but they're stronger than Miami. Bravo has tried to entice us before with shows like Miami Social and we were just bored.

Second time around ain't much better; the women are either vapid and childish, or obnoxiously self-righteous. The strange part is that most of the Housewives are like this, but we just can't seem to get along with the Miami chicks.

Is it because we can't relate? Or is it because they just bug us so much more than the other women? I still haven't found the answer, but I spend each Tuesday wondering why I don't jive with the cast of The Real Housewives Of Miami.

Larsa is becoming more and more unlikable. She tricked us into thinking she was down-to-earth in the premiere, but we quickly caught on after a few episodes.

Larsa is eternally 16 and acts like that awful "popular" girl from high school.

She's catty, vapid and insecure, and seeks out people with similar characteristics. Hence, her friendship with Cristy. Both are examples of women most of us avoid like the plague. Larsa spent a few minutes on camera last night bitching about nannies.

Her conversation was not only insulting, but it bordered on offensive at times. Here's a novel idea: raise your own kids. 

Lea Black Photo

Lea Black belongs in Palm Beach. Miami is too young for her and that cleavage.

She's loud-mouthed and a bit of a know-it-all, which makes her a perfect fit for the social set two hours north. Between the peanut gallery comments at Alexia's pig roast and the green card quips at dinner when Marysol announced her engagement to Phillipe, I knew it was time for the driver to swing round.

Stick a fork in Mrs. Black, 'cause she is done.

Marysol is growing on me. My television co-watcher commented that she's a bit like Adrienne Maloof in the sense that she is reserved and not nearly as ostentatious in personality as her cast mates. While her mother still frightens the daylights out of me, Elsa Patton has become a rather likable character.

I'm still on the fence about the ring.

Cristy received and paid the invoice Lea sent her for freeloading at the charity event, but not before telling her friend how rude it was.

Rude? What's rude is showing up at a charity that requires a donation, then telling the cameras that you did Lea a favor just by showing up.

You're not famous and you have no redeeming qualities of note. You might be a big shot in the Miami social circuit, but to the rest of us, you're just a stuck-up townie with an attitude problem. It's charity. Buy a ticket.

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I doubt this show will last. Is Alexia really a man? Something about her just isn't right. Lea is obnoxious and compared to the other women has no style. She needs a stylist, boob lift and a good haircut.
Cristy and Larsa are just empty headed and boring. Adrianna is a train wreck and not as good looking as she thinks. The only one with a remotely appealing personality is Marysol and her mother is a wack job...'nuff said. If I need a translator to view a program I'll just skip it.

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Thank you for writing this article. I thought maybe I was the only one who didn't like this one, not even a little bit. It's painful to watch.

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where is bravo getting these women. i watch almost all of the housewives series but this is one i can't watch. these women are so superficial and materialistic. I have only watched 2 episodes and no more. What is wrong with larsa buying her brother a vehicle like that? he is only 16 and barely started driving. christy is so full of herself. Get rid of all of them. bring back the dc housewives or the jersey wives.

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I agree with EVERY comment about Cristy. Not exactly the smartes bulb in the chandelier. Most of the women are just mean. ( I find this to be true of most of the housewifes of anywhere. But if they were nice and charitable and really good friends; they would not have made the shows. Only drama and negativity seem to be criteria for television these days.

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Larsa, I'm looking for a maid to clean my home. Are you avalaible?

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Larsa said to Scottie during a phone call, that he made it into the Hall of Fame, "So do I get anything".
Enough said.

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How tacky of Lea to trash Marysol's fiancee. Has she forgotten she was 1 of 12 jurors who nobody knew until she stumbled upon Roy Black later and that is how she became by what she has? Shame on her. These women are too full of themselves.

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I agree whole heartily Miami take it or leave it. I will leave it.

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I have lived, as an anglo, in Miami for all of my life. Cristy is everything that I hate about Miami. If you think she is not a typical Cubana, then you are wrong. Every Cubana I know is like her. Self-absorbed, thinks they are beautiful, and feels that Floridians should be grateful to Cubans for "making" Miami what it is. She's horrible.

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My problem is with "Lea", (really with all these women who married into money), but Lea hit it big when she married Roy Black. Did everyone catch her concern about the pig that Herman had cooked for his and Alexia's dinner party at their home? She is so upset about the pig because they killed an animal to eat, YET, when Herman apologizes to her, she says "YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO ME BY BUYING ME SOMETHING SHINY OR BRIGHT OR FURRY"! SO LET MET ME SE IF I GET THIS STRAIGHT, SHE IS UPSET THAT THEY KILLED A PIG, BUT YET, SHE WOULD WEAR ANIMAL FUR! She is what she is.

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