The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: What a Bunch of Floozies!

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There are very few reasons I still watch The Real Housewives Of Miami, and they all have to do with either boredom or a hiatus of better shows.

None of the women who signed up for this franchise have made an impact, other than turning us all off to Miami. While my anxiety levels are at zero for this go-round, my attention has not been caught.

This proves to everyone that as vibrant as that pocket of Florida might seem, it's nothing more than a pack of floozies in gaudy get-ups. 

Lea (above) and Larsa have decided that last night was the perfect opportunity to introduce their cleavage. It was everywhere-staring you in the face at a gallery, leaning in to listen over a three-hour lunch. Actually, I take that back. Lea's made their debut at her gala last week, and we can't look her in the eye as a result.

Alexia should think about forcing her son to get a job, or to do something that requires him to interact with semi-normal humans who don't live in Miami.

Disney World would change his life. Not modeling, because that will only make the problem worse. And the young buck is planning to graduate high school?

And he wants a DJ that will spin tunes for $5,000/hour?

Grab yourself an Ipod, son, and start making a grad mix. These are hard times we've fallen on and we're not spending money on such frivolous things.

Shoot, we're on Bravo. I forgot.

Cristy is still awful, and I can't wait for her to receive that gala invoice from Lea. I'm not sure who she and Larsa think they are, but the rest of us stick our tongues out and give them a big ole' thumbs down. O nigh nigh, mean girls.

Scottie Pippen tells wife Larsa he's going to be inducted into the Basketball Hall Of Fame, and the first thing she asks is, "What do I get?"

What do you get? Bitch, you get to keep a roof over your head and continue on with your shallow existence. That's what you get.

What Adriana did at her gallery party was very unprofessional.

No matter how much of a jerk the featured artist is, don't showcase another at his party. It's tacky as hell and really bad for business. Quite frankly, I don't disagree with the way the artist's spokesman/champion felt.

Might he have done it in a more private manner? Of course! But the point is that what Adriana did was not right. Boom.

I can't put my finger on it, but I have seen Elsa Patton somewhere. Could it have been on a botched surgeries special ET featured awhile ago?

No, that was the cat lady. Are they the same person? 

I just realized that these bitches toast the intro with a glass of champagne. They should hold lemons because this show sucks.


Terrible show, love all the other HOUSEWIVE shows, but this is horrible.


The Miami housewives remind me of the tacky Miami basketball wives. They are very unlady like, self absorbed and classless. If this is their interpretation of a upperclass Miami mogul life style, then I'd rather watch the miami wives of the soup kitchen. They have more class and dignity about themselves than any of these fake Miami house wanna be's. "learn from the lowly".


Adriana is a poor excuse for a human being. She was so busy eating lunch that she left her son stranded at school without a ride. She then called her ex to pick him up. What a drama queen she is. A really shallow woman. Alexia is one of the ugliest women I've ever seen. Larsa is a self-centered, nasty woman who needs a face transplant. I can't decide who is uglier, Marysol or her mother. They are equally hideous.

@ Bleu Lorax

Wow could you be any more jealous? If you didn't find them attractive or interesting, why did you take time out of your ugly/boring life to write about them in description online? LOL JEALOUS


Sorry Bravo, you totally got this one wrong.


Larsa Pippen is a prime example of a true lebanese woman. Self-absorbed, materialistic, fake all over. If you ever travel to Lebanon all you will see are lebanese women with inflated lips, boobs, and loads of nose jobs!! lol! The men are just as horrible as the women...selfish, full of themselves!
Larsa, I doubt if your husband is loyal to you. If you think he won't leave you for another woman, think again.
Why don't you go back to Lebanon and work as a maid...You need a reality check!!

@ pnifl

LOL- you're a typical ugly, jealous woman... when someone on here says that the beautiful Larsa is not pretty, you know it's some ugly/jealous Westerner. FYI, western fool, Lebanese are amongst the richest people in the world, and the richest person in the world is, in fact, Lebanese. Lebanese people bring in foreigners (anglos/americans/asians/etc) to work as their maids...


I lived in Miami for ten years... And they picked the same sorry majority of this Hispanic female type I attended school with. No education, no class, insecure, lazy, spoiled, materialistic, with no substance whatsoever that try so hard to fit in. HA! What a bunch of DOLTS! So sad to see they've never outgrown this attitude.
They shame Latin women everywhere who aren't even close to them.


Ummmmmm. HORRIBLE!!!!! They will only last one season only if BRAVO wakes up and gets rid of these BORING ladies and bring someone real spice into the show! Bring in Zurami Pascual from Boca Tanning in Brickell! At least she has style, crazy and fun which we all like to see on the show!


What a bunch of vapid, self absorbed idiots. Too bad they aren't interesting or very good looking. Roy Black's wife is a moron and probably won't be on the show too long. She is a little long in the tooth and has to be the worst dress of the entire RH franchise....come to think of it, they are all morons. There isn't one redeeming quality in any of the gals...I think I'll take a nap. SNOOZEFEST.


I only watched one show and will never watch again. To showcase these totally vacant, self-centered women is just wrong. They in no way will ever identify with anyone not in their
ridiculous circle.
Bravo, you do NOT have a winner with this one!


These women -- all of them are a terrible example of housewives in general, but it truly makes women in Miami like idiots. Alexia, Cristy, and Larsa are self absorbed without the brain power to understand the meaning of the word. Adriana, is nothing more than a follower -- her nose so tightly glued to Lea's behind. And please don't even start me on Marysol. I think she and her mother have used up all the collagen in this town! Calgon please take them away!