The Bachelor Recap: 3-For-3 in the Fantasy Suite!

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In light of The Bachelor spoilers, revealing not only the rumored winner of this season but the rumored Bachelorette this summer, last night was not a shock.

You didn't even need any spoilers to predict this outcome, honestly. With two of Brad Womack's remaining three women, there is serious chemistry going on.

With the third, it's like they had been trying too hard to make it work.

When you have to try that hard, it's not meant to be. So it goes. How did everything play out in South Africa last night? Here's THG's trademark +/- recap!

Brad Womack: Bachelor

We're not usually enamored with their choice of venues, but South Africa truly is stunning, especially in HD. You really feel like you're there in person. Plus 8.

Chantal O'Brien has put on noticeable weight this season. She looks hotter! We worry she may be a stress eater, but it doesn't look bad on her at all. Plus 5.

Wisdom from Chantal: "If I'm getting engaged to someone, the thought is that I'm planning on marrying them, not getting engaged thinking that I'm going to get unengaged." Who does she think this guy is, Jason Mesnick? Minus 7.

Speaking of, happy anniversary to Jason and Molly, who honeymooned at this very South African reserve (what are the odds). Glad they're going strong. Plus 4.

Chantal was QUITE excited about getting it on. Plus 3, but ...

The fantasy suite is an outdoor treehouse? Cool as it is that such a thing exists, that sounds like every woman's nightmare, not fantasy. Fail, Chris. Minus 6.

Emily Maynard Picture
Chantal O'Brien Photo

Minus 10 for the ridiculous smile Brad has when he seems Emily Maynard ... or anyone, honestly. It's as if producers are telling him "okay, smile B!" Stiff.

Ironic that an elephant escorts Brad and Emily to a picnic spent discussing the proverbial elephant in the room (Ricki), no? Plus 7. Deep symbolism, Chris.

Give Brad credit, he met Ricki and Emily Maynard has survived two cuts since. He balked only slightly when asked if he's ready for a five-year-old. Plus 4.

Emily does take the fantasy suite card. You knew she didn't want to set that example, but these people never get to actually talk in private, so ... Wash.

Plus 9 for her cutoffs. Wow.

Ashley whines about the fact that she and Brad have to take a helicopter to their date, because it's like her biggest fear in LIFE. Minus 5, get over it.

They visit a place called God's Window. How upset would God be if he knew The Bachelor was staging one of its contrived dates there? Eh, Plus 2.

Brad questions if Ash's ambition stands in the way of her living a life. That's his code for "being my wife," and kind of a d!ck thing to say. Minus 13.

Plus 6 for this fair point, however: "Neither one of us can build an actual future that's real… off of the fact that we had an incredible carnival date."

Both get way too fired up about where to live. This isn't working. Minus 5.

Brad admits to host-pimp-therapist Chris that the bad date has driven him crazy, but it helps lead him toward the inevitable conclusion. Plus 3.

Despite a Minus 4 for taking her to the fantasy suite beforehand, at least he had the decency to let her go before the drawn-out rose ceremony.

Ashley Hebert as the next Bachelorette? We're warming to it. Plus 8.

TOTAL: +9. SEASON TOTAL: +78.

ROSE RECIPIENTS: Chantal O’Brien and Emily Maynard.

OUT: Ashley Hebert.

Who do you want to win, Chantal or Emily?

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They deserve each other. Losers!

The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]