When you hear the name "Lohan," what is the first word that pops into your head? Drama? Drugs? Attention-starved-examples-of-everything-that-is-wrong-with-celebrity?
For the patriarch of this troubled, irritating family, the answer is simply: integrity.
No, seriously, just read Michael Lohan's response to the rumor that Lindsay will be dropping her surname. He told The New York Daily News:
"I'm proud of the Lohan name. It's a name of integrity. We all had very successful jobs on Wall Street. My father was an unbelievable provider. My sisters are pillars of the community. There's not a blemish in my family outside of me.""
Michael doesn't believe his daughter will actually take this step, as he's using the chatter to take on his ex-wife once again and to make the possibility all about him.
"From the time [Dina] came out to California, she's tried to put a wedge between Lindsay and me," Lohan tells the newspaper. "Every time she comes around, she tries to put a wedge, and it's only harmful to Lindsay and the children. This family needs therapy."
Hey, it's the first intelligent thing Michael Lohan has ever said! Perhaps if he doesn't go to jail for allegedly choking Kate Major, Michael can look into this.