Last night on The Bachelor saw four women punch their tickets to hometown dates, while we wanted to punch Brad Womack for his inability to emote. At all.
In fairness, he did open up to Emily a bit, and it did take some inner strength to "break protocol" for the women ... but seriously, lighten up, Jake. Er, Brad.
How did last night play out? Who's going on hometown dates and saying the word hometown 47 times in the process? Here's THG's trademark +/- recap!
The first of three one-on-one dates went to Emily Maynard. It started slowly, but Brad did open up and tell her that she's getting a rose at the ceremony. Plus 10.
Give him credit for breaking that rule (no roses were to be doled out on dates). But Minus 6 for calling her daughter Rickie the biggest "thing" in her life. Thing?
Shawntel Newton just flies under the radar. Odd, since she's a mortician. There's just nothing about her to dislike ... or to make you think she has a chance. Even.
Back to his rule-breaking ways, Brad gives Britt the ax in mid-date, sending her off the yacht on a dinghy! Then she has to pack in front of the other girls! Plus 7.
Michelle: "I do NOT want to go on a date with you guys." Whack job. Minus 3.
Chantal, Michelle and Ashley pose for Sports Illustrated on a group date. As luck would have it, that issue, featuring Irina Shayk on the cover, is out today! Plus 8.
“It’s something millions of women dream about doing,” Brad says of the date. Dude, you are an idiot who knows nothing about women if you think this. Minus 9.
Chantal O'Brien has put on some noticeable weight this season. Plus 10, because she admits this, it can only mean drinking a lot and she actually looks better.
If ABC wants guys to watch The Bachelor, topless swimsuit modeling shoots don't hurt. But Minus 5 for the women, for whom this was a colossal mind f*%k.
Unwilling to go topless (really?!), but equally unwilling to be upstaged, Michelle ups the ante the only way she knows how - straddling Brad and shoving her gigantic boobs in his face. Plus 20 for how obviously unhinged this girl is.
Ashley looks awesome in Sports Illustrated, we must say. Plus 8.
Minus 9 because Brad let that get so out of hand with Michelle. The other girls were VERY sad. We'd deduct even more but the light bulb did go on later.
Belated Plus 4 for the conch shell shot. Best group date ever.
Minus 7 for ABC making this date out to look like the final three of the season in earlier promos. You can't fool us, guys. The Bachelor spoilers do not lie.
Well, usually. Last season they did. Even Reality Steve isn't perfect. Plus 3.
You knew as soon as he said there would be no cocktail party that Michelle was toast. Give Brad credit, but Minus 7 for the lack of rose ceremony suspense.
Brad to Michelle, after giving her the boot for being too volatile: "Can I have your hand or not a chance?" Michelle: "Mmm, probably not." So awkward. Plus 5.
As seen in the video below, after Michelle gets in the limo, she just lets out a huge sigh and lays down. The end. Minus 16 for such an anticlimactic departure.
What made Brad more uneasy in next week's promos, meeting Rickie, or going to work with Shawntel? He doesn't "handle death well." Or feelings. Plus 9.
TOTAL: +22. SEASON TOTAL: +59.
ROSE RECIPIENTS: Ashley Hebert, Chantal O’Brien, Emily Maynard and Shawntel Newton.
OUT: Britt Billmaier and Michelle Money.