Sunday, the Kardashian sisters brought us boring birthday drama. On Presidents Day, we were treated to ANOTHER new episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, which means two nights in a row of scripted "dramedy."
How lucky are we? Our founding fathers reached out to us from beyond the grave cheering: "Behold, the American dream. For she who invests time and money in black eye shadow and bandage dresses will prosper."
There are so many elements that make this Kardashian installment much blander than the others; KKTNY is missing key characters who make each 22 minutes pop.
We were able to withstand only two Kardashians in Miami because of the oldest-youngest sisterly dynamic (and be honest, nothing is cuter than seeing Khloe rock Kourtney like a baby).
There was a repertoire between those two that is lacking with Kim and Kourtney. No wonder Kourt had Scott move into their abode. This setup is boring even the stars!
Where's Kris in her inappropriate outfits, sneaking cigarettes and red wine after a hard day of pimping out her 600 offspring? Can we pan the camera west to catch a cozy moment between Rob and Lamar? We'll wait until spring, but we're not thrilled about it.
For now, we'll sit through the rest of the season and rip to shreds the stellar scripting of Kourtney & Kim Take New York.It's clear that Kim's fling with Shengo is for show. There is zero chemistry between the celebutante and her Australian bodyguard, and both are doing an awful job at faking it.
I have a hard time believing that anything romantic every transpired between these two. There's no snuggling, no "I can't keep my hands off you" moments.
Their show of affection was minimal and their lack of attraction was obvious. We're not stupid, Kim. The scene atop the Empire State Building itself proved that while you two might have enjoyed a few rolls in the hay, this 'relationship" was for show.
But you did a great job of following the script. We were almost sold by those tears in Shengo's hotel bathroom and your outfit of choice for the walk of shame.
Almost, but not quite.
While Kim was busy trying to sell Shengo as her boyfriend, Kourtney spent her portion of the episode thinking of new ways to spice of up the ole' sex life.
We didn't ask to be invited along, but off we went. After finding out that Kim heard them having sex (and by heard, we mean Kim pressed her ear up against their door to listen intently), Kourtney told Scott it's best that they either have sex in restrooms or while Kim is out. The former will work for now.
After a randy session in the hotel gym (no doubt cleared for filming), Kourtney felt bold enough to hit the pavement in search of equally saucy locales.
Next stop? The bathroom at Kim's Glamour shoot where dozens of people are running around, trying to work. An attempt at sexy time in the loo failed miserably when Kourtney and Scott were met by an unsuspecting patron. Oh dear.
Someone's red in the face, and not from a workout. Embarrassed, Kourtney told Scott that bedroom sex would be more appropriate, considering she's now a mom.
Who really cares what Scott thinks? I was too distracted by the extra dollop of hair gel he applied to that coif.
Quote of the night:
Kourtney: "Who likes nuts in their mouth?"
Kim (timidly): "We do, we do."
That would have sounded funnier coming from Khloe.