Charlie Sheen appeared on The Alex Jones Show this afternoon, taking time to address critics, comment on his love life and bash the heck out of Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre.
He also referred to Thomas Jefferson as a "pussy."
Among the topics covered in this wide-ranging, absolute must-drop-everything-and-listen-to-right-now interview:
- His harem of sex partners, which includes Natalie Kenly, is "a marriage is a heart. Or of the hearts. To sully or contaminate what we have with a [marriage] contract is something I'll leave to the bible grippers. The bible grippers."
- Is Brooke Mueller a part of it still? No. "Where there were four, there are now three. Goodbye, Brooke. Good luck in your travels, you're gonna need it. Badly!"
- He's getting a new tattoo, described as "gnarlyisms." It's a banner from Apocalypse Now, combined with the apple from The Giving Tree. "There's my life. Deal with it. Oh, wait, can't process it? LOSERS! Winning! Buh-bye."
- On his critics: "I'm dealing with fools and trolls... They lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and then look at their loser lives and look at me and think: I cant process it! Well, no, and you never will. Stop trying. Just sit back and enjoy the show!"
- On Lorre: He's a "turd," who "I embarrassed... by healing at a pace that his un-evolved mind cannot process."
- He also refers to himself as a "High Priest Vatican Assassin Warlock."
The only thing more ridiculous than every word out of Sheen's mouth? The self-serving brown nosing of the show's host. Throughout the interview, Jones was on his figurative knees for the actor more than Bree Olson likely is right at this very moment.